Saturday, January 31, 2009

I've Been Tagged

And I'm not even going to pretend like it's annoying because I secretly LOVE filling these things out! So thank you Megan for bringing me in on the Tagging Madness!!

Step 1: respond and rework—answer the questions on your own blog, replace one question that you dislike with a question of your own invention, add one more question of your own.Step 2: tag—eight other un-tagged people.

1. What were you doing​ and who were you with at 9:59 PM on Frida​y night​?​​​ Laying in the bed with Mr. Perfect.. My fave place to be!

2. What's the last thing you read/are currently reading? I read a pamphlet on drug interactions for work today. No. It wasn't fun!

3. Do you nap a lot? Nope.. I always wake up more sluggish and tired than I was when I went to sleep. And then I can't go back to bed at nite.. But I do love to sleep late!

4. Who was the last person you hugged? the hubs and my pups- Cash & Lacy (They count!)

5. What's your current obsession/addiction? I'm having a problem with Krispy Kreme doughnuts! I have no idea how they came back into my life but I can't get enough!!! They'll be the death of me I tell you...

6. What was the last thing you said out loud? "yea" as I agreed with something Mr. Perfect said. Yep, I've got lots to say.

7. What websites do you always visit when you go online?,,, and That's my other obsession- all things celebrity!

8. What was the last item you bought? a doughnut--- see what I mean?!?

9. What is your most challenging goal? To get in and finish vet school. I've finally decided that's my call in life.

10. If you could have a house totally paid for, fully furnished- anywhere in the world, where would it be? New York City.. but I guess that would be an apt.

11. Favorite Vacation spot? the beach. Which is dumb because I live at the beach but I can't get enough!!

12. Say something to the person who tagged you: Megan is awesome! I love her blogs and emails and wished she lived closer so we could hang out in person!

13. Name one thing you just can't resist no matter how bad it is for you: apparently doughnuts!! and Dr. Pepper. Seriously I will weigh 500 pounds one day!

14. What is your favorite item of clothing? I love summer dresses. And anything vintagey (yes that is now an adjective) looking..

15. Favorite pair of shoes you keep going back to over and over, even though your closet is over flowing with a zillion others?! my black reefs, brown reefs, and my black 9west slingbacks

16. Name one thing you can not live with out: Mr. Perfect. Seriously I don't know if I could function because he's so good at taking care of me!! And Lacy. Because.. well because she's Lacy and I need her!

17. Has a celebrity's haircut ever influence you on your own hairstyle? I wanted Lauren Conrad's shoulder length hair cut with bangs. But then I remembered I have the worst hair on the planet and that it would never look that good so.. no.

I tag...

1. Jay @ Freespirited Mama
2. Mrs. Newlywed over at Misadventures of a Newlywed
3. Erin over at Blue Eyed Bride
4. Mrs. Mojito over at Make Mine a Mojito
5. The Mrs. over at Simple Yet Classic
6. LyndsAU over at All Things, Fluffy, Fashionable, & Famous
7. Mrs. Stilettos over at Newlywed Stilettos
8. Whitney over at My Journey to the Glamorous Life of a Housewife

These are some of my favorite blogs so I chose them.. Can't wait to learn more about them!

Friday, January 30, 2009

Big changes...

Serious post alert! So if you want fun, humor, and jokes.. well not today! Not here anyway. But some big changes are going on in our little household. And I'm so excited I want to scream it from the rooftop! But I'll just type it on here for all you guys to see...

A few months ago Mr. Perfect and I were not doing so well. Three miscarriages, multiple job changes, moves to places we both weren't fond of, as well as other factors had put a huge strain on our relationship. In just 3 years of marriage, we'd dealt with more than our fair share of disappointment and loss. We started seeing a counselor at a church we'd been attending here in town. I'll be honest; my heart absolutely was not in it. I didn't want to hear a word that the man said. I left each time a little more angry than I had gone in. A few weeks into this counseling I noticed a drastic change in Mr. Perfect. It started small but eventually grew to where I could not even ignore it. Finally he told me what was up. He had gotten saved. We both were raised in Christian homes, but we certainly weren't living it and he finally did something about it. There was a peace about him that was undeniable. He seemed calmer, happier, and really seemed to want to work on our marriage. I wasn't there yet.

I've only had a blog for a few months, but I've been reading different ones for far longer. A friend of mine from college started a blog so I would check in on her family from time to time. I noticed that she had a link on her blog that said something about "praying for MckMamma". Huh? So I headed over to read what it was about. When I got there I read the story of a little boy named Stellan. A little miracle that had been diagnosed with heart failure and hydrops while in the womb. His parents had been told that he would not survive. I read her blog voraciously even going all the way back to catch up on this family that had captured the blog world's attention so completely. And then I watched as a prayer vigil was held all over the world for a little boy that no one had even met yet. Wow. Eye opening. The faith that poured out of MckMamma and her family was overwhelming. But I just wasn't there yet.

At the same time I stumbled upon another blog. This one broke my heart. It was the story of Audrey Caroline Smith. Now if you haven't read Angie's story of her daughter (you probably live under a rock!), you definitely should. Audrey's parents were also told that she had a condition that made it impossible for her to live outside the womb. I cried and cried as I read Angie's words about her daughter. And I got so mad. I finally broke down and spoke to God about how unfair I thought it was that they should lose their child and I should lose my three. Oh but He had more in store for me. I watched as God brought Audrey into the world and then as He took her back home. I couldn't imagine what going through that must be like. But her parents never, ever lost faith. Read Angie's words. Her love for her Father is all over her page. Wouldn't we all want to be a part of something like that? That little girl who only lived in this world for a very short time helped to open my heart. But I just wasn't ready to make that decision yet.

I found two other blogs right after I found Angie's. Adrienne's finally introduced me to someone struggling with recurrent pregnancy loss like myself. I had just felt so alone going though this. I felt like it was something I had done or that God was punishing me. I don't know about you but where I live, pregnancy loss doesn't seem to be that huge. At least not in my personal contact list. Getting pregnant at the drop of a hat; very prominent! Finally I was shown someone else that was going through this. And what an amazing woman! Adrienne has more strength than anyone I can even imagine. She's been through so much, yet she still knows there's more to come for her. And she's patiently waiting for it. I didn't have that kind of patience. At all. While I was reading Adrienne's blog, I found out I was pregnant for the 4th time. I did the only thing I knew to be good for my baby; I gave him/her to God. For the first time in my life, I just let something go. I did what I could down here, took everything I was supposed to take, but in the end, it was all His. Once again, He decided to take His child back up to be with him. It doesn't stop hurting. It doesn't get any easier. But for once I still had some hope. While laid up after surgery I found Kelly's blog.
I had plenty of time to catch up on her battle with infertility and her current pregnancy. One thing stuck out to me on Kelly's page; the girl had patience. She knew it was all His timing. The nite before I was scheduled for my D&C I didn't get a wink of sleep. I read blogs, read my Bible, and searched the Internet for miscarriage information all nite. I went to take a shower before we left and my heart broke. I sat in that shower for over half an hour and just bawled. And I gave up. I gave up the hard shell I'd put around my heart, I gave up my disappointment in God, I gave up my anger towards my husband, and I gave up on not being able to forgive myself for the things I'd done. I absolutely could not fight it anymore. I begged God to forgive me and for the first time I can truly remember, I asked Him to come into my heart.

My marriage has been saved. My faith has been saved. And most importantly, I have been SAVED. We went back to that counselor the other nite, and together with him and my husband I finally prayed the sinners prayer. I am truly forgiven. And I know where I'm headed. And I know I'll finally get to meet my babies. I just wanted to say a huge thank you to those 4 ladies... There's many more like them out there, but I was given the gifts of their blogs at a time I so desperately needed it. Where else but "BlogLand" can you meet four amazing Christian women who are each battling their own demons, but are coming out fine on the other side. Yes, you come out scarred. But you come out a little stronger. I can't even imagine what my life would have come to had my heart not been broken. I know I would have destroyed my relationship with the most important person on the planet. The man I love more than anything on this Earth. But instead God lead me to help. It can only get better from here! Mr. Perfect and I are both getting baptised on February the 8th. I can't wait. So thanks again ladies.. and thanks to all the other bloggers I've found that are just amazing!! You guys keep up your blogging. You're touching lives =)

Thursday, January 29, 2009

I might..

Explode on a very prominent figure in my life. If anyone knows of any patience just laying around that I can use, that would be awesome.

Also awesome? I absolutely love Mrs. Newlywed's blog. She cracks me up! You'll love her blog if you don't already.. Anywho, she is currently doing a giveaway for some amazing Lilly Pulitzer stationary and I simply am dying to own it! You should check it out and get entered too... Actually, don't. Less people gives me a better chance!!! .:: kidding.. I like a challenge! ::. Head on over now...

Monday, January 26, 2009

I still have 10 minutes..

To play this lovely little game! It's Not Me Monday again! Whoop! (say that. It's fun

I did not sleep on less than 1/4 of the bed last nite just so my precious pup would have enough room!

I did not get my car locked in a parking garage Downtown this past Friday nite, therefore forcing the hubs to have to come get me at 1 am. And he was not aggravated at all by his super flighty wife and her inability to try the door on the other side of the garage! (In my defense you had to walk down an alley to get to that door and uh-uh! I value my life thank you!)

I did not almost freak out on the owner of a TERRIER this am because he had no control of his dog. Not me. Not at all. I completely understand why a 10 pound dog dominates a 50 year old man. Right...

I did not leave my phone off all day Saturday because my behind was too tired from her crazy nite before to do anything all day.

I did not come to the realization that I can't quite hang like I could just 4 years ago when I was in college... tear...

I did not just throw a fork at my cat. And he did not just look at me and keep doing what he was doing. I have way more control over him than that!

That said cat is not currently on top of the refrigerator. And did not just knock down 3 bottles of medicine.

I do not have to quit this now so I can clean up a 6 lb. cats mess. Take back my comment about the terrier owner. I'm getting owned by a cat.

By the Numbers..

5- The number of hours I got of sleep last nite.
10- The number I need =)
1- The number of cats that pounced on my head to wake me up this morning...
3- The number of times I hit the snooze (and the cat...)
20- The number of minutes it took me to get a shower, dressed, animals taken care of, and out the door for work.
30- The number of minutes I was late to work this morning.. (see above!)
7- The number of cups of coffee it took to get me functional this morning..
6- The number of new patients I saw today
2- The number of those patients that bit (I work with animals so this is "technically" ok)
2- The number of times those teeth got me because of my lack of sleep and too much coffee..
0- The number of times I wanted to be anywhere else in the world....

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Happy Birthday KT!!

It's my great, great friend KT's 23rd birthday too!!! She's also my workout buddy who I just love! Since it's her birthday I'll toot her horn a bit! She is one of the most loyal people I've ever met. She's still young (to me!) but she acts so much older than she is. She's one of the coolest chicks I've ever met. If you ever need anything she will most def be there for you. And she's so fun!! It's going to be a long weekend of celebrating her birthday so if there's not a lot of blogging you can blame her!! Once again I love you little KT! Happy Birthday!

My muscles are on fire!

Well I did it.. I finally joined the gym!! If you know me I am a HORRIBLE dieter!! I've always been an athlete so I've always eaten more than my fair share just to maintain my weight. So I've never had to diet. However, now that I'm A) 26, B) no longer a college soccer player, and C) freakin' lazy, I can't quite do that eating everything in sight thing anymore! I also stink at diets because I HATE fruits and vegetables!! I know, I know. It's sad actually. I'll eat pasta and meat all day because it's what I'm used to but hand me a raw vegetable and I'll more than likely pass out before eating! I'm still a runner but I don't even do that quite like I should anymore. So. To the gym I went. I've gone two days in a row (that deserves some applause people!!) and so far I love it! I think I'll continue to as long as I have someone to go with me. The past two nites, my great friend KT has gone with me and the time has flown by because we simply gossiped the whole time! (Don't worry.. we busted it in between laughter!) I signed Mr. Perfect up tonite as well.. Don't tell him yet. I'll have to break that one gently =). Even though my legs felt like jello at work all day, and a mastiff almost pulled me down because of that, I think I'll stick with it. We did arms tonite so I hope I don't have to pick anyone up tomorrow! Wish me luck that I stick with it. Encouragement is much appreciated!

I'm not going to talk about the inauguration, well not the inauguration itself anyway, but what did everyone think about Michelle Obama's clothes last nite? I liked the yellow outfit but hated the green accessories. I loved her gown last nite, but thought it made her look bigger than she is. Not going to lie, I remember more about the clothes than anything else!

It just about killed me to not talk politics just now so I think I'll stop while I'm ahead and sign out! Please continue to pray for Harper Stamps.. Go read her updates, our prayers are working!!

Monday, January 19, 2009

It's that time again!

Time for "Not Me Monday"!! I you're like one of the 3 people that don't read this blog then go there and you'll see how to play.

This week I did not make my dog hang out with me all day at work because I simply still don't have him trained not to tear up stuff...

I did not end up getting stuck at work 20 minutes late on a Friday because I was too busy reading blogs to get all my stuff done on time!

I did not get stranded 30 minutes away from home when my dumb battery died (again!) and then did not have to pay $200 bucks to get it changed!

I can't believe that's all I've got!! But in my defense I am sooo tired! Hope you all had a great Monday!

Friday, January 16, 2009

I have a problem..

I am obsessed with clothes. Seriously, it's a problem. And on Friday's it's my job to sit here for 8 hours and answer the phone. Which leaves me with a lot of time on the computer. Which usually ends up with a huge hit on my bank account.. Oh help! Oh wait! I just saw Forever21 is having a huge sale!!

Thursday, January 15, 2009

My Mr. Perfect

I saw this on another blog and thought I'd toot my Mr. Perfect's horn for a few since he never will!! I got oh so lucky in the husband department. So take a minute and learn a little bit more about my ray of sunshine =)
1. Who is your man?
BGL- Mr. Perfect

2. How long have you been together
We started dating in September of '04 and got married in May of '05.. yea we moved quick but when you know you know!

3. Dating/Engaged/Married?
Happily Married

4. How old is your man?
He's 31 and will be 32 in May..

5. What's his middle name?

You or your man:

1. Who eats more?
he does.. but not by much!

2. Who said "I love you" first?
He did.. He's a bit more open than I am =)

3. Who weighs more?
him... thank goodness!

4. Who sings better?
I love his singing, it makes me smile

5. Who's Older?
him by 5 years

6. Who's smarter?
He would say me and I might be a bit more book smart, but that boy has more common sense than I could even dream of having!

7. Who's temper is worse?
Mine's pretty bad, but doesn't show up as much. His makes more appearances!

8. Who does the laundry?
we both do it, but he leaves it on the couch for me to fold and put up. He wouldn't put it up right anyway!

9. Who does the dishes?
Usually me because he does all the cooking (yep, you heard it hear first!) so I figure I should clean up

10. Who sleeps on the right side of the bed?
looking at it he does, because that's the side closest to the door and I WILL NOT sleep next to the door!

11. Who's feet are bigger?
his, but not by much actually because I have big 'ol clown feet!

12. Who's hair is longer?
mine. duh

13. Who's better with the computer?
he knows the ins and outs better, but I can handle the Internet better

14. Who mows the lawn?
Him... it messes up my shoes!

15. Who pays the bills?
the autodraft from the bank! I actually balance the check book though

16. Who cooks dinner?
him. always. on my nites we eat out =)

17. Who drives when you are together?
usually him because I terrify him!

18. Who pays when you go out to dinner?
He does.

19. Who's the most stubborn?
him. 100%

20. Who is the first one to admit when they're wrong
Me... and I hate it. But it will never happen from him!!

21. Who's parents do you see more?
It's pretty even... His live closer but mine come down more often

22. Who named your dog?
He named Duke because he's a hound dog!, I named Lacy baby, and I named Cash after the Man in Black

23. Who kissed who first?
he kissed me =

24. Who asked who out?
he asked me. but it took forever!

26. Who's more sensitive?
me. hands down.

27. Who's taller?
him. but not by much. I'm kinda tall!

28. Who has more friends?
me. hands down. I have friends from every aspect of my life. He's very selective

29. Who has more siblings?
We both have one brother

30. Who wears the pants in the relationship?
He does. Because that's the way it's supposed to be =)

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Not Quite What I Was Hoping For...

Today was our 2 week post op appointment. I'm actually still not quite sure exactly how I feel about it.... It didn't go badly, it just wasn't what I expected. I went in this morning thinking we would walk out with answers. That when we left we would know what caused this miscarriage. I just want a game plan. A "this is what will work" as opposed to "ideas" and "thoughts". I'm getting so sick of not knowing what's causing this. We have no answers. I guess I just want a definitive answer. How do I put this... I feel like being diagnosed with recurrent pregnancy loss is not enough. I want to know why. Not why in like a grand scheme kinda way (I'm not down on my knees screaming "why God why?!" or anything) but why this is happening. What is causing it. But I didn't get that. Our RE is still not sure what is going on. He's going to have us do another round of testing. I'll be going in to get a number of tests to check for blood clotting disorders. Then Mr. Perfect and I both will have a complete chromosomal work up done. They will be sending the remains off to a perinatal pathologist and hopefully that will give us some insight on to whether we're on the right track with everything. After that he wants us to do a biopsy of the lining of the uterus. And last but not least I have a septum in my uterus that he wants to shave down. Basically it's a small area that divides my uterus in two different parts. It's supposedly pretty small and he doesn't really think it has anything to do with the losses, but he wants to be thorough and make sure he's not missing anything. Then after all that, we will need 2-3 mos. of pretreatment before we should try again. UGH!! So basically we're looking at Julyish before we can start trying again. I'm not in any hurry really, I just feel like it's always something.. This is my lesson in patience. On giving it to God and waiting on His timing instead of thinking it should be on my time. Because it most certainly is not on my timing!! I've been having a hard time lately. It seems like everyone in the world is pregnant right now. I know this is not a path I should let my thoughts go down but it's getting harder and harder to just sit here and be happy for them. You never think about this part of pregnancy when you're growing up. I remember when I was younger I had this whole idea of what I thought my life would be like. I remember I always planned to have 4 kids. It never once crossed my mind that that would be hard to do! You never think you'll be the one that can't get pregnant, or can't carry a child. You smile at the thought of adoption, but you never think that's really going to be what you have to do. My thoughts are all over the place right now. I'm doing good though honestly. I just want some answers... Please just keep us in your prayers. All of this is emotionally, physically, and financially trying. We're keeping our heads up and our thoughts focused but prayers are appreciated... Thanks

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Big Day Tomorrow

First off... Have you been outside?!? It's daggum cold! I suppose I shouldn't complain seeing as how I live in the Deep South and it's still about 50 degrees or so but.... It's just so rainy and gross. Perfect weather to sleep through, not such perfect weather to work with animals in. Oh well...

So tomorrow we have our post-op appointment. I'm pretty nervous but at the same time so ready for it. I'm hoping he'll have some answers for us but I do realize all the results from the pathologist probably aren't in yet. I'm just ready to have some knowledge in my car so we can plan our next step.

Lacy wanted to thank those of you that gave her a compliment. =) She's a huge fan of hearing how cute she is! I told her it was probably time to introduce everyone to her brothers but I think she'd prefer to finish out the week all about her!

I'm having a hard time being witty right now. I think I'll feel better after tomorrow when my thoughts aren't only on one thing... Keep us in your prayers tomorrow please...

Friday, January 9, 2009


I thought I'd take this moment to introduce you to only the sweetest baby girl in the world! I know she's a little hairy but she's simply the cutest little thing I've ever seen! This is my Lacy Lou. You can call her Lacy. As you can she is simply the sweetest, friendliest thing you will ever meet. When Mr. Perfect and I got engaged we also got a dog. He picked him out and we named him Duke. He traveled back and forth between where I lived and where Mr. Perfect lived until we got married and we all 3 settled down in Myrtle Beach, SC. I loved that dog so much and spent all my time with him. No job at the beach. =( Three months after we got married, Mr. Perfect took a job in the big old Midwest and little Duke couldn't live in the temporary apt with us. .::insert sad, teary face here::. So off to Maryland with my parents he went. No job for this girl in Missouri for a while either. I was so bummed out with Mr. Perfect always working and my friends and family so far away. Well Mr. Perfect came home on my 23rd birthday with the best present ever!!

Would you look at that baby?!? Because we still were in that lovely temporary apartment (where dogs weren't allowed), Lacy couldn't be loud AT ALL and the only thing that kept her quiet at nite was her mama. =) So for weeks I slept on the bathroom floor with my girl to keep her calm. Needless to say she quickly became my heart. We got Duke back about 2 months later and I had my two babies again! But that little girl is my heart! She's just like her mama with her attitude and stubborn disposition.. probably why we get along so well! I just love my girl! Hands down best birthday present ever! Little Lacy is over 3 now but she'll always be my baby!

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Big Bang Theory

If you have not watched this show you are missing out! I have never laughed so hard in my life as I do at this show... And oh how it gets Mr. Perfect going!! I think that might be what is the best for me. His big old laugh makes me laugh even harder. =) I love him... But you should watch it. I highly recommend this show!! Woah.. just got distracted by the People's Choice Awards. Just what I need to feed my insatiable need for all things celebrity!

Monday, January 5, 2009

Back to work...

So today was my first day back to work in two weeks.. Started off great when my car wouldn't start again this morning (grrr...). I just love having to call the hubs back to the house from work so he can jump off the Bug. I'm starting to hate the Bug. =(
Work was goodish. Yes it deserves an ish. My hormones are dropping drastically so I'm an emotional disaster right now. I can't take anything negative and of course the Boss was in one of his uber-critical moods. Oh well....

I need some new running shoes. Then it would totally be possible to get up early every morning to go run. Because that's totally the only reason I'm not currently! That's my resolution. To get back in shape and stop wasting my time being idle. There is so much I could be doing if I would just do it!!

I can't be the only one who is super stoked there's new episodes of my shows on TV again!! I'm so excited about Gossip Girl and 90210!!! Yay!! I promise I'm 26 but I just LOVE those shows!!

It's bedtime. Who's willing to be on whether or not I go running in the morning?!?

Sunday, January 4, 2009

Not smart....

In my mind I had a GORGEOUS idea for what my guest bedroom should look like... gray walls, black, white, and red accents. Perfection. I even found the BEST comforter! It's while with black flower stitching and a black bottom. It looks (make that looked!) so good!

Did I mention I have three dogs? And a horrible cat that likes to get them riled up? And that the cat really likes the dogs to chase him? Everywhere. Including onto my nice white comforter after they've been playing outside all day....

Oh sad, sad day...

Saturday, January 3, 2009

I guess it's time....

I've been putting this post off for a while now but I guess it's time... So about the 5th of December I had this "feeling" that I was pregnant. I've had the same feeling with all 3 of my last pregnancies and I've always been right. I got Mr. Perfect to go buy a box of pregnancy tests (economy box with 3 tests duh!) and tried to wait to take one. I wasn't due to get AF until the 10th but I couldn't wait. So I took a test on the 5th and not surprisingly it was negative. So I waited 2 more days then tested again. Still negative. After 4 days and 12 negative pregnancy tests, I got my positive result. I can't even say that Mr. Perfect and I even get "excited" anymore about that result. A pregnancy result for us is gut wrenching. You have to understand; pregnancy for us has been ruined. Well at least this part. I don't get to get all excited and think of cute ways to break the news. We have to be rational and get to the doctor even before we've even really had time to let it sink in. Telling our families is a nightmare. We want them to know because we suck at keeping secrets, but at the same time, we don't want anyone to get too excited because irrationally we worry about letting them down. And then I get these questions "Well aren't you excited?" or "You don't seem too happy".. well you're right. Because my heart is constantly on alert and my stomach stays in knots. I'm terrified to be excited. But I digress...

So we have our positive. After our 3rd miscarriage in December 2006, my ob/gyn referred us to a reproductive endocrinologist here in our town. We began seeing him two years ago where we went through tons of different tests. We did chromosomal testing (came back all good except for one small thing. Mr. Perfect and I both carry a gene mutation. By itself it's not a problem but if by some chance the baby gets it from both of us, then the baby can't survive. However, the chances of that are supposed to be pretty slim.), Mr. Perfect had a semen analysis (all good), and I had multiple scans, ultrasounds, and any and every test you can imagine on my female working parts. I do have what they call a septate uterus. Basically, my uterus has a septum in the middle that causes it to be shaped more like a pear or so. The septum isn't a huge deal when I'm not pregnant, but when I am it doesn't "give" so the uterus is forced to grow around it, therefore making the division between the two sides even greater. I can't even really go into the details of all the tests but they were some of the most painful and uncomfortable things I've gone through. I was diagnosed with insufficient blood flow based on my daily headaches. Basically there's been found to be a connection between women who have headaches constantly and miscarriage. All a lack of proper blood flow to the uterus. After all of our testing that's what we walked away with. That it didn't appear to be our genetics and our best bet was to treat the blood flow problem. So our deal was when we were ready to get pregnant we were going to head back to Dr. O and get started with our treatment. Well this pregnancy kind of snuck up on us...

So obviously we didn't get to start our treatment beforehand. We called Dr. O the minute we found out and were told to head for our first blood draw that day, the 12th. We got our results back almost immediately; HCG (the pregnancy hormone) was about 1000 (good), but I had very low progesterone levels. Dr. O called us in prenatal vitamins (I was on OTC ones) and progesterone suppositories (not fun!) and started us on 81 mg of aspirin once a day. We went back in for our 2nd BD on the 15th. Our HCG had tripled and our progesterone had doubled. However, the progesterone was still not where Dr. O was comfortable. We had our first appt that same day. No ultrasound that day (I would only have been just over 4 weeks pregnant) but we were started on a number of meds. I was to give myself Heparin inj. of 50 units twice a day, Plaquinel tablets once a day at lunchtime (for uterine blood flow), magnesium supplements twice a day (not at the same time as the Plaquinel), the aspirin once a day, prenatal vitamins once a day, and Progesterone suppositories at night. The meds didn't really make me feel bad but I was so bloated, tired, moody, and sore all of the time.
On the 20th, I worked til about 12:30 (noon) and right as I was about to get off work, I felt this stabbing pain that started in my abdomen and shot into my pelvis. I've felt similar with my last two pregnancies. It was so sharp that I could barely walk to my car. I cried the whole ride back to my house and when I got home I noticed the blood. I was devastated. I would like to tell you that I remained positive but I try not to lie so... =) Mr. Perfect called the doctor who had us come straight in. Dr. O did an ultrasound and saw the gestational sac along with what looked to be the yolk sac and the beginning of the fetal pole. He also noticed another area that he said could be another sac (WHAT?!?) or "something else". Then he noticed a small bruise. Also my placenta was pretty thin and not forming as well as it should. By the end of the u/s the "bruise" had covered up what he thought might have been a sac so we dismissed that thought and focused on the bruise. He said that by the end of the u/s the bruise already seemed to be organizing itself which he'd never seen anything like in all his years of practice. Lucky me to be so freakin' unique. He sent us straight for another blood draw to see how I was being affected by the heparin and decided to stop the progesterone suppositories and switch to once a day injectables. Yay. More needles. The next morning, a Sunday, we went back to his office to learn how to do the prog. inj. and to learn that the heparin was lowering my PTT way to low and we needed to stop it for a few doses. I was so frustrated!! I've known quite a few ladies with RPL that the heparin has worked for and I had such high hopes for it. Dr. O was pretty disappointed as well as he so rarely has problems with such a maintenance dosage. What did I say about being unique?!? He also switched us off plain prenatal vitamins and on to a more complex one, Metanx. He thought it would work better for us. So we go on back home Sunday and have a pretty quiet rest of the day.

I get to work Monday and just don't feel right. I couldn't put my finger on it but I knew something was wrong. Sure enough, I went to the bathroom only to discover I was gushing bright, red blood. Cue the tears again. We rushed straight to the doctor who saw us immediately (have I mentioned I love him!). The u/s showed us a formed fetal pole with a glorious heartbeat!!! I can't even begin to explain to you what a victory that is! We've only heard that once before. Once. The bruise that was so small last week is now double the size and is literally ripping the placenta from the uterine wall on one side. Fortunately, it's not on the side the babies on. Dr. O put me on immediate bedrest (devastating since we had tickets to New York for Christmas) but necessary for our baby. He also had us start HCG injections. These were something we were offered way early in our pregnancy but were nervous about because it's an experimental drug. However, with all the bleeding we felt we had no choice. So we started on more injection twice a week. We had a follow up u/s the next day. The bruise was just so big. I've been off the heparin since the moment we saw the bruise but it just wasn't getting any better. Our baby was still hanging in there with a big strong heartbeat. But the placental lining was going through so much... I managed to stay in bed for the rest of the week. Saturday, Mr. Perfect took me to a movie to get me out of the house for a bit. I picked Marley and Me. I do not recommend this movie to hormonal pregnant women!!! It was really good though. Sunday I was so nauseous all day, but I'll take it. Anything that makes me feel like my baby is healthy. This past Monday we had another visit to see how things were going. Dr. O looked for a good 15 minutes without a word (not a good sign). Then he broke the silence; "I'm sorry. I've looked as hard as I can but there's just no cardiac activity". Our precious baby was gone. And I was full of blood. We stopped all medications that night and the cramps and bleeding came. Then stopped. We had to go to the hospital in the morning for a second opinion u/s, but we already knew. I think he just wanted a better view of everything with a better machine. So we got scheduled for a D & C and just like in 2006, I spent my New Years Eve recovering from surgery.

I'm just so dang sad this time. I can't quit crying. The surgery was the best one I've had yet. No pain, no bleeding, no cramping. I went in for surgery early that morning and was gone by 9.30. I was on a mission to get out of there. I've had my fair share of hospital visits and nurses looking at me with pity in their eyes. I just wanted to get home to my bed. Where I've been for days now. I can't go out in the world yet. I feel like the biggest letdown. To my family who are all holding out hope for me to bring in the next generation, to my friends (I know I'm an idiot but I HATE telling them I'm pregnant then not delivering the goods) and most of all to my husband. Who is the best man alive and who deserves to be a father more than anyone I know. I'm just so mad that I haven't been able to make that a reality for him. I'm just sad. I miss my babies. I'm tired of looking down at my bloated belly and oh so sore breasts and knowing these symptoms mean nothing. I'm crashing hard from the amount of hormones in my system so I can't even look at my dogs without bursting into tears. This is just so hard. My husband and I are back to square one. It's so easy for us to get pregnant so do we just keep on this road, see what was learned from this one, and then get ready for the next one. Or do we start the adoption process. We are both huge advocates for adoption, but I'm selfish...I really just want to be pregnant. Does that make me a bad person? Dr. O is ready to sit down with us and go over everything. He sent the baby off for testing to see what caused this and then we'll powwow and figure out our next step. I'm so anxious to hear what he has to say. I can't believe I'm even thinking this, but I'm so ready to start again. I want this baby. I want a family. I want children. I never thought I did, but I'm aching for it.

So that was our New Years. Not a great one but we'll survive. We'll go back in 2 weeks for our post op visit and to "regroup". I hope I can sit through that meeting without bawling. I'm kind of over this crying thing. Please keep us in your prayers as we go through these next couple of weeks. I know it's still going to be so hard..


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