an 80th birthday.

There is one thing that I hope for in this life.

I honestly don't care about nice clothes (they're nice, but not a priority), nice cars (have you seen mine???), or a huge house (mine is about 1200 square feet if we're being generous). Material things have never really mattered to me. Now I like nice stuff and I like to dress my kid nice, but really, I get that at the end of the day; that's not what matters.

Family, friends, the good works you do in this life? those are what matter.

I spent a great deal of time growing up envisioning these big 'ol families in my head. I wrote out their stories and I made up their names and when it was quiet, I put myself in them; imagining sisters and cousins and the kind of big family I didn't have.

I've always wanted a big family (says the girl now with a single child). I like the idea of them; of loud noisy holidays and children running through the halls. I spent a lot of time "living" in the big families in my head growing up thinking I was missing out on something because my family was so small.

Don't get me wrong, I adore my family, but it's small. It always has been.

Until now.

We celebrated my Papa last month at his 80th birthday celebration. Eighty years.

Wow.

I watched my Dad and his sisters proudly circulate the room swapping stories of their Dad with friends that have been around for decades. I watched my Mom and my Uncle who married into this family, giggle and laugh with their grandchildren. I watched as my brother got to introduce his daughter to the people who watched him grow up. I watched my husband and sister in law crack jokes together (probably at our expense!).

I watched my daughter and my niece giggle together as they crawled around the floor. I watched as Baby Girl and her other cousin played peek a boo for hours under a table.

There were friends that my Papa has had since he was a teen in that room. There were people that have known me since I was a newborn there. There was so much love in that room that you could feel it.

As my Dad gave the toast to his Dad, I had to swallow tears at just how proud I was in that moment. Because that family I dreamed of when I was a kid? I have it. And it's kind of awesome.

Someday I hope my kids will celebrate me at eighty. That I can sit in a room surrounded by loads of family (BG better reproduce!!) and friends and know that my days have been spent surrounded in love. That no matter the size of my bank account, I can know I've done something right because they all took the time to come spend that special day with me. That's what matters.

The night was crazy and loud and involved BG having an accident in the middle of the room, but the night was perfect. It honestly couldn't have gone better.

I adore my Papa. I hope that he can look upon the rest of us and be proud. Be proud of the family he's raised. Be proud of the legacy he's given us. Because I'm pretty dang proud of him.

Here's to 80 Papa. Can't wait for the next one.

(almost) wordless wednesday

On the 17th, we had a snow day. Which is huge around these parts. In fact, when I walked outside the night before to all the crazy snow falling, I couldn't believe it. It had been snowing off and on all day but it was still a shock to see all the snow on the ground the next day.

So we did what most South Carolinians probably did; we found our warmest clothes and we trekked out to enjoy our snow day. BG was a huge fan, but even she was over it after a while. We truly are warm weather folks in this house.

maryland: the trip's end.

You can read about the rest of our trip here, here, and here.

After our crazy New Years Eve, the parents of the little ones were dragging (to say the least) on New Years Day. So it was low key. And that's putting it mildly. My parents' neighbors came over for a little while to visit and attempt a family photo for us, but a certain toddler wasn't having it so that didn't go so well. Uncle M, the SIL, and I finally felt human enough that evening to go do a bit of shopping but even that wore me out.

Thirty is not so kind in some ways no?

The next day was our last day in Maryland. We spent the morning lazing around and just soaking in the last few moments of everyone being together. Unfortunately a certain toddler was once again, not having it, so her mood in the pictures is pretty evident. Toddlers are weird.

We had been telling BG about the beach just down from my parent's house the whole trip but had yet to make it down there, so we decided to hit it on the way out. It was bitter cold. BITTER, but I still attempted a family shot for grins and giggles.

And because I'm insane.

I asked my brother to try and get a good picture of me and the little while we were out there. That didn't happen. This next sequence can be called "Bipolar Toddler". She refused a picture and wiggled her way to the ground, but the second I attempted to walk away, she wanted to be picked up. I'll say it again; toddlers are SO weird.

All too soon it was time to be trapped in the backseat with two cranky kiddos for 8 hours the drive home, so we packed it up and headed back to Carolina. We were all spent, including the girls, so the trip seemed to take even longer to get home than it was to get up there. But we made it. I made the little brother get back in the back for a bit while I drove, but that lasted about five minutes. Both girls were hollering while he played on his phone and I tried to shush them from the drivers seat. Men are special.....

The trip was a blast. It was so much fun to have almost everyone together in one place. Next time though, I'm not getting stuck in the backseat with both kiddos on both trips.

update: bg edition

As we get closer and closet to three, I'm seeing flashes of why people said "two's not bad; wait til three!". And while those flashes are bone chilling, most of the time, Baby Girl is just one plain awesome kid.

First of all, if you read my post yesterday (thank you guys for reaching out on that one), then you know we've been having some issues at school and such. Well I'm proud to say that today, she had ZERO issues. Her teacher actually told me today that BG's main problem is that she's the most "mature" one in the class. That she's a bit ahead in colors, letters, numbers, and shapes and so she gets bored. And a bored kiddo is never a good thing. So today, they gave her a project of writing her letters while the others worked on something. It did the trick. She stayed busy and she didn't have any discipline issues. Yay for good days.
BG is beyond verbal. BEYOND. Currently her favorite thing is to use her colors to describe something. As in "see that cow Mama? See that black and white cow? He's over there by the green tree." This is all day everyday. I would say she's only quiet in her sleep, but she usually talks in her sleep so... there's that.

She still prefers not to get dirty. She fell down the other day and I thought she was going to have a panic attack over the mud on her hands. She's also slightly dramatic. She'll come running at you screaming bloody murder because she saw a fly.

She's slightly bossy. She got mad today because her shovel kept hitting her. The shovel she was holding. Then she got mad at the wind for messing up her hair and tried to tell it to stop. She is such a girl.

She likes to tell us that she's funny. Which is cute. Until she's getting in trouble and she pops up with "but at least I'm funny" which always makes us laugh.
She is sarcastic like whoa. It's bad. Today while we were driving home I looked in the back to see her rubbing the straw of her cup along the ceiling of the car. I told her to stop messing with the roof and she popped back with "it's not a roof". I said "whatever, stop messing with it". I look back to see her doing the same thing again and so I told her to stop again. Same thing; "it's not a roof". Whatever, just stop. Same thing happens so I tell her to stop again and also add "and don't talk back" to which she pulls the cup down, waits on me to avert my gaze out of the rear view mirror and then I hear a whisper "but it's still not a roof". I laughed I couldn't help it.

She is Miss Independent to a T. She's at the point now where we can ask her to go get dressed and she can pretty much do it all on her own. Buttons are tough, but the rest? she's got. She brushes her teeth, does her potty business, and brushes her hair (though I still prefer to do that) on her own. She is so dang grown.
She is a sweetheart. She really is. She has a stubborn streak as wide as the Mississippi but she's got a heart just as big. I love catching rare moments of her being still such as when she's trying to share a snack with the cat or when she's lovingly cradling a baby doll. I love those glimpses of her heart.

She is still in full on Princess mode. She likes having her hair braided because she thinks it's Princess hair. She likes dresses and dress up and Princess movies. She is all girl.

She is a Daddy's girl through and through but I'm her best friend. Which makes my Mama heart so happy. I'll take it.
She's smart. She's smart in a way that allows us to just sit together and have conversations. Which I love. She still has a child's innocence though which I love more. Like she knows about Heaven but in her mind, Heaven is a place where her Grandma lives in a Princess castle with Jesus. I'll take it.

She went through a period where she constantly asked the difference between what boys and girls could do. She was obsessed with the differences. I think we've finally convinced her that girls can do anything boys can. Except pee standing up. But when I told her that she said "but I can pee in the grass like boys can". I've taught her life necessities for sure.

She's funny. I know I've already said that but y'all, she is so funny. She knows it too. She'll do random things like run into a room naked and start dancing just to get a rise out of people (we're working on keeping her clothes on!). She loves to make people laugh and she thrives on it. If you start laughing at her, you'll just egg her on. And girl can go for days.

She earns an allowance now and she thinks it's so cool. She puts her plate up after dinner, cleans her room up, and makes sure her dirty clothes go in the hamper. If she does that, she gets a dollar. She's already learned that one dime goes to church and one to her savings. I love seeing her pick these things up already. It's small, but it's a HUGE start.
She's a flirt. She has a new doctor that is younger and she loves him. After he checks her out and does his exam, he sits down and chats with me about what he's found. While he does that, she inches over to maybe 5 inches from him and lays on her stomach on the table with her face in her hands and just stares at him. It's actually pretty embarrassing but she adores him. She has no problem going to the doctor at the moment.

She likes for us to lay down with her at night and if I do, she always ask for "the Beatles song". Her favorite song is still "Call Me Maybe" and the other night when she and Mr. P went to the Father/Daughter dance, that was the first song she heard to which she let out a little shriek and got to moving.

Dora is still her favorite but Strawberry Shortcake and Tinkerbell are now heavy in rotation. She's given up the WonderPets and Backyardigans almost completely which makes me sad because those seemed more babyish. :(

She's getting taller and skinnier by the day and the baby chub is disappearing with a quickness. I love how much she's changing and growing but it's still hard on my Mama heart to see how big she's getting.

I could talk about her all day every day. She is by far the coolest person ever. And while I know there will be scary parts of age three, so far, I'm totally looking forward to it.

words.

There are times when I honestly think I cannot do one more second of life the way it is going right now. And I don't mean that in some super emo way, I just mean it in that I constantly feel like I'm juggling hundreds of balls in the air and I'm just waiting, breathless, on one to fall.

And things are falling. Little things are slipping through the cracks because my focus is off. And it sucks. My calendar is a hot mess of scribbles because my brain can't even stay straight long enough to finish a sentence. Yet, instead of accomplishing anything right now, I'm watching One Tree Hill and jabbering on here. Lucky y'all.

Maybe the problem is that I don't do enough jabbering over here lately. Because one of the only places where things seem to consistently make sense is over here. I do love this space because of that.

I feel a bit stifled here lately. Our little family has spent the greater part of our existence fiercely independent. We haven't had help very often which has sucked, but at the same time, it's awarded us a great deal of freedom. We haven't had set plans weekly, or people wanting to just show up, etc. Now? It's just weird having family so close.

I feel bad even writing that, but it is a HUGE adjustment. One my extremely private, independent self, has a lot of trouble with. I'm learning, it's just... hard.

My child has been in rare form lately. Last week I was in Charlotte for a work trip and while I was gone, Mr. P had his first parent/teacher conference and BG was "written up" for the first time.

Let's talk about "Mom guilt" for a second. I've basically felt guilty about one thing or another since my child was born. But this new working Mom does work trips guilt? AWFUL. As I sat there on the stool in my best friend's kitchen in Charlotte listening to Mr. P tell me what was going on, my eyes filled up with tears faster than I even thought possible.

My pal said it best, I'm out working trying to make things better for her, but while I'm out, my heart is back home. And my heart was hurting back home and there was nothing I could do about it. AWFUL.

So parent teacher conference. Apparently while I was gone, BG quit listening to her teacher and started hitting. There's more, but that's all on her so... she can tell if you she wants. Mr. P and I are at a point where most of the time, we're lost. This disciplining a toddler thing? not for the faint of heart. Most of the time, we have zero clue what we're doing. And this hitting thing? I'm lost.

I wanted to chalk it up to "Mom's out of town"/ "it's Valentines Week and I'm all hopped up on sugar", but so far, it's continued into this week. Nice huh?

My child doesn't seem to be in love with her school. She's been saying stuff like she doesn't like it and she has no friends (heart, wrench) for the longest time. I know she likes school, so I'm not sure if she's just not meshing at this one or what. So today, I got up at 4:30 am to secure her a spot at one of the best preschools in the area. I really, really hope this will be a change for the better.

Also, I get up at 4:30 for no one. I must love that kid.

Work is overwhelming to say the least. I've jumped head first into a new job which has about twice the work to do than there are hours in a day. Tonight alone, I answered emails til 9:45 tonight after beginning my day at 7:30 am. It has been a day. Hence those scribbles all over my calendar.

None of this probably makes any sense. I've been sick for over a week now so the combination of meds, little sleep, long hours, toddler terrors, and the wine glass to my left has left me with these words. My head is a mess.

maryland: day 4- nye

You can read about days 1 & 2 here and day 3 here.

After the shenanigans that was touring DC the day before, we decided that New Year's Eve should be spent at home just vegging out.

Well also, we are all some kinds of lazy and by the time we decided to make plans to go anywhere, it was late, and they weren't happening.

But sometimes the best days are when you're just hanging out around the house. And we are really good at just hanging around the house.

I pulled out my inner crafter (she's teeny, but she's there), and got the stuff together to make salt dough ornaments with the girls. I did this BG's first Christmas and I love having that little memento so I knew my SIL would love having one from AK's first Christmas. So we got the stuff together and did it.

BG absolutely loved it. AK was pretty neutral but her Mom loved it so I call it a win. Not a shabby way to spend a morning.

While those were baking (for 3 + hours for the love), we lazed around and played with the girls. My child, who won't play by herself to save her soul at home, quickly wandered off to play by herself with her blocks for a while. Sure, she plays by herself with there are tons of people to entertain her. Why wouldn't she?

My brother, SIL, and I were give the go ahead by my parents to actually head out that night for a bit of "adult fun". Clearly we took it and ran. I haven't been out on NYE since, I can't even remember, and the other two hadn't been out since before baby, so we were stoked for a night out. Actually, stoked doesn't even cover it. We were "pre-gaming" before we could even drag ourselves upstairs to get dressed.

After my bro and SIL left a lengthy list of do's and don'ts and I hollered out a "just keep her in one piece, love you, bye!", we were on our way out the door. Bring it on NYE.

While we were gone, my parents and the girls had a blast. There was movie watching and cookie baking. There was cookie eating and late bed times. I actually don't even want to know what time they went to bed. Some things are better kept secret...

Uncle M, Kiki, and I headed down the road for dinner and drinks which did not disappoint. The restaurant we picked was supposed to have a live band and dancing that night but our waitress let us in on a bit more "happening" of a place right down the road, so we packed up and headed there.

We had a blast. An absolute blast. Too soon though, the new Dad was falling asleep at the table so Kiki and I made the decision to call my Dad to come get us so we could all be home in time for the ball to drop.

Then, while waiting on my Dad (thanks Dad!), Kiki and I found the dance floor. And it was on.

Now this girl can't dance; but after a few drinks, I think I can. And I'll shake my money maker like nobody's business. Yea. That happened.

We were a bit sad that we gave in to UM's yawns too soon as were had to tear ourselves away to head home. Where we still missed the ball drop and I quickly rewound it and tricked everyone into thinking we did see it.

Sneaky.

Other than the fact that I badly missed my other half, it was a perfect New Year's Eve. Though this girl will be good to spend the next one curled up on a couch. I'm way too old for those shenanigans.

maryland- day 3

You can read about Days 1 & 2 here.

Our 3rd day in Maryland, we decided to get up early and head into town to check out a few of the sights. My SIL had actually never been into DC before so we were all pretty excited about showing her around.

However, it was a straight up cluster downtown. It took us a sweet forever to find a parking place and an even longer time for my parents to find one. Had we been thinking, we would have just parked outside of the city and rode the Metro in, but we clearly weren't thinking.

As soon as we got out of the car, we decided it was beyond too cold to do any of the outside monuments so we scurried on into the Natural History Museum.

My poor Dad had to drive around the city for the longest time looking for parking while the rest of us explored a bit. Then my Mom had to take over for him (before he LOST it) so he got to tour around with us a bit. There are no pictures of all of us together. Stupid city parking.

After getting inside, we quickly mapped out the things we wanted to see. BG is obsessed with animals and such like that, so we headed straight for that display first. She was in hog heaven. Her day was made when she found a pangolin, a creature that most toddlers wouldn't know a thing about, but my child is obsessed with. Blame her Aunt Kiki and her weird book.

A couple hours after we got there, we decided to check out a butterfly exhibit that they had going on. Unfortunately I had to go move the car before that exhibit. So I missed the whole freaking thing.

I'm not bitter at all.

Once I trekked all the way across DC in the cold, by myself, I finally found the group again only to find out that I'd missed my kid's favorite part of the whole day. She LOVED the butterfly house. They got to fly all around them and the lady even got one of the butterflies to land on Baby Hippo. Pretty sure my child thought she was in Heaven.

We decided to leave after the butterfly exhibit. The crowd was out of control and the members of my family that don't do well with crowds (ahem... my brother), were getting a bit antsy to get the heck out of dodge. So we did.

Despite the below freezing (okay, maybe not quite that cold...) temps, BG locked her eyes on the carousel across the mall and had to ride it. So as a treat for how well she did in the museum, we headed on over.

Because she's quick and small, she managed to snag the first spot in line and let us get on and off the ride quickly. It was so, so cold. And unfortunately, we had a VERY long walk back to the car. Blah.

After stopping for dinner on the way back out of the city, we headed on home to call it a night. The museum is definitely a must see, but we'll be picking a non-holiday time of year before we attempt it again.

project 365: 2012 wrap-up

So I clearly quit posting my Project 365, but I did keep taking the pictures. So for grins and giggles, I'm posting them. Let's wrap up 2012 shall we?

WEEK 47:
Sunday, November 25th: Hanging out after church.
Monday, November 26th: A little Daddy/daughter tv time.
Tuesday, November 27th: She was doing a little morning entertaining before heading to school.
Wednesday, November 28th: Isn't this how everyone eats and watches tv?
Thursday, November 29th: Hanging out with her bud at the park.
Friday, November 30th: Reading to Dad while waiting on the Christmas program to start at church.
Saturday, December 1st: Playing with her best friend at the mall play place.

WEEK 48:
Sunday, December 2nd: Waiting on the Christmas parade in Anderson to start.
Monday, December 3rd: Sweet sleepy baby.
Tuesday, December 4th: Christmas clothes!!
Wednesday, December 5th: The rule about taking off one accessory before walking out the door is obsolete in this girls mind. She loves layers.
Thursday, December 6th: Love my girl so hard.
Friday, December 7th: Only picture of the day. TV time from the couch = bliss.
Saturday, December 8th: She loves animals. She couldn't get enough of the sheep at the Live Nativity.

WEEK 49:
Sunday, December 9th: Suckers in the tub is pure genius. Mess problem solved.
Monday, December 10th: Dinner shenanigans with the bff.
Tuesday, December 11th: Apparently I like pictures of sleeping babies...
Wednesday, December 12th: The elves brought a gift!
Thursday, December 13th: A super long, trying day means the little and I have a McDonalds picnic on the floor while watching a movie.
Friday, December 14th: Oh look, she sleeps.
Saturday, December 15th: The baby Jesus from the Nativity is supposed to be in the manger, but you can tell BG's been around when he's in "his Mama's arms". Sweet girl.

WEEK 50:
Sunday, December 16th: She is so cool.
Monday, December 17th: We hit the Christmas card jack pot this day! BG loved opening them all.
Tuesday, December 18th: My angel after her Christmas play.
Wednesday, December 19th: When did she get so grown?!
Thursday, December 20th: Reindeer cupcakes for BG's class.
Friday, December 21st: While waiting for the doctor to fix her arm, the little passed out cold on her Mama. While I miss the cuddles, I did not like her being in so much pain. :(
Saturday, December 22nd: Waiting in line to see Santa!

WEEK 51:
Sunday, December 23rd: My poor sick girl :(
Monday, December 24th: Heading back to the ER on Christmas Eve.
Tuesday, December 25th: The five minutes that BG felt well on Christmas she made sure to put on a show.
Wednesday, December 26th: Hanging out with her Daddy.
Thursday, December 27th: Road tripping to Maryland with my two favorite girls.
Friday, December 28th: BG running around in my boots.
Saturday, December 29th: Hanging out with my favorite niece.

WEEK 52:
Sunday, December 30th: BG loving all over the Neanderthal exhibit at the Natural History Museum in DC.
Monday, December 31st: The sister in law and I ringing in the New Year!!

maryland: part 1- Christmas

At the end of the year, BG and I along with my brother and his family, packed it up to head the seven hours north to my parents' house in Maryland. I was beyond bummed that Mr. P was unable to get off work and go, but I was glad that BG and I could go since we hardly ever get to go up there.

Although after that car ride with a two year old and a six month old, it may be years before it happens again.

We were supposed to get on the road by 3:30 when I got off work. Somehow at 7 pm we were eating dinner at Subway; 10 minutes from my house. Yea. Finally we got on the road. I had hoped that by driving at night, BG would sleep and we wouldn't have to stop too often.

Ha.

First of all, all the excitement of all of us being in one car was too much for her and she was NOT about to close her eyes and miss a second.

Second of all, I forgot that we had a baby in the car. A baby who also wouldn't sleep. And who decided very quickly in that she was over being in her carseat.

Did I mention we had just crossed the North Carolina border?

My sister in law, Kiki, started feeling sick somewhere in North Carolina. So we pulled over into a rest area (ten minutes after we stopped at a gas station) to switch seats. By this point, both girls were overtired and just plain foul. They didn't want anything to do with being in those carseats for a second longer. I finally had to switch both tvs off and sing "You are My Sunshine" over and over and over while draped over both carseats stroking each baby's head.

Longest car ride ever.

But once both kids were asleep, it was actually kind of fun.

I haven't gotten to spend too much time with Kiki and this was a great opportunity to just talk and get to know her. And the three of us gabbed the whole way up there. It was kind of awesome. And fun.

The first two days we were up there, we didn't do too much.

We were going to do Christmas our second day there, but Kiki couldn't wait for BG to open up her gift, so BG got a little mini Christmas our first morning. She absolutely loved the easel that her aunt and uncle got her and we spent the rest of the morning lazing around letting the girls play, playing dress up with some of mine and Uncle Marine's old clothing items, and just hanging around the house.
.

We did venture out that afternoon for a fabulous lunch at a whole in the wall place just down from my parents and to do a bit of shopping. BG was in rare form though which lead to major meltdowns (on her and my part, oops) and we headed home pretty quickly.

We did our family Christmas the next morning. We put the girls in matching jammies and had them come down and see everything and did the whole she-bang. They loved it. We tried to get a few pictures of the girls in their matching jams, but they were a tough crowd. We finally managed to get a few decent ones before they both only wanted to check out the gifts.
We had a total blast.

We spent the rest of the day just letting the girls play and hanging out together. It was kind of nice not to cram fifty million things into each day and get the chance to just relax. This was also the first time that my parents had been able to be around both of their grandkids at the same time so I know they were loving it.

It was a perfect Christmas. Well, a perfect December 29th. But the date doesn't matter right?!

wordless wednesday

The lighting in our bathroom is terrible awful and BG can't sit still for the life of her lending a less than stellar quality to some of the pictures I snapped the other night. But I don't care. I love these. This girl makes me smile so hard.