1 month.

Sweet boy, you are one month old! I cannot even wrap my head around that fact. Fastest month ever.

You are such a good baby. You're one of those babies that trick people into having many, many more because you are so enjoyable. You just have the best disposition.

You prefer to be held to anything else. You want to sleep being held, eat being held, you just want to snuggle. Truthfully, usually I let you do just that. Because I also really, really like to snuggle you. It's pretty much my current favorite past time.

You don't really like your swing which was your sister's favorite so that's different. You'll go in it for about ten minutes or so and then you're ready to be picked up again. Sometimes you're pretty cool to just hang out on your back and look around and you'll even tolerate tummy time. Like I said, best disposition.

You currently sleep in the rock-n-play in our room and I don't see that changing any time soon. I love you being that close. You nap on your belly in our room. We were struggling with nap time but I let you lay on your belly and it was a game changer. You only get to do this at naptime while we are awake though.

You are a champion nurser. You have never had a problem latching or anything. In fact my supply issues have really bummed me out because I've felt like I'm letting you down. That's getting better though. You are still currently nursing and taking a bottle afterwards. I've tried to get my supply up but it's not going anywhere. This works for us right now though.

You had a hard time in the first couple of weeks. We battled supply issues and you lost a good bit of weight, getting down to 6 pounds 15 ounces, so we have been supplementing with formula after every feeding. I've been trying to get my supply up, but no big change there unfortunately. Oh well, supplementing works for us right now. We'll see what happens next. I learned from your sister that there is no sense beating myself up over this. You're getting both. You're good.

At your one month appointment you were back up to 9 pounds 6 ounces and 21 1/2 inches long. You're in the 50th percentile for everything. You still have an umbilical hernia but we just have to watch that. Your sister had one too and it's closed up now. You also still have the heart murmur you were born with. We have an appointment on January 7th for an EKG. Your doctor is 99% sure it will be just a small murmur but since it hasn't closed up yet, she does want to double check things.

You like to grip our fingers and have excellent head control for a one month old. You have found the fan and love to stare at it. You like to be facing out so you can check out the world. You aren't smiling at us yet, but you have found your voice and do coo at us sometimes. It's pretty much the cutest thing ever.

You cry when you're hungry or gassy and that's about it. You HATE being naked so diaper changes, clothes changes, and baths are a nightmare right now. Hopefully you'll grow out of that soon. We went and bought you a wipe warmer which has helped diaper changes a bit, but not completely.

You are still in newborn diapers and clothes but you wear some size 1 diapers. You won't be in newborn onesies for long though. You're built like your sister with that long torso and they are starting to look a bit muscle tee-ish. You may be in newborn pants forever though with your tiny little waist and short little legs. Blame your Dad for that ;)

You are just the best little guy. I simply can't get enough. We love you Coop-a-loop. You were just what our family needed.

the birth story.

It's been just three weeks since our sweet little guy entered this world and completed our little family.

I'll admit it, by the end of my pregnancy, I was flat over it. I had in my head from the very beginning that I would be induced at 39 weeks. This was thanks to my doctor at the very beginning of my pregnancy telling me "we won't let you go past 39 weeks". So yea. But then as I got to the end, things changed, and my doctor quit talking like that.

Boo hiss.

I quit my heparin shots at just shy of 37 weeks. With Ella, she showed a decrease in growth a week and a half after I stopped. With C, he was handling the lack of heparin like a champ. But it wasn't helping my nerves to go to every appointment and just be told to "come back in a week unless you notice a decrease in movement".

At 37 weeks we had a growth scan that said the little guy was around 7 1/2 pounds. We were told that we would do another growth scan at 39 weeks if he hadn't come yet. I'm pretty sure my head spun as I heard that the doctor was going to let me go past 39 weeks. Not okay.

Now I know that it's best for the baby to stay in as long as possible. I get that. I do. And while I was very, very, VERY uncomfortable, I would have dealt with that until he was ready too. I know it's about him. But not being on meds was freaking me out and all I could see was how E dealt with the change and my biggest fear was that we would leave him in there too long and we would have a problem. A problem where we would have to do a c-section or something else quickly to get him out.

Monday the 17th I had my 39 week appointment. I told both Mr. P and my Mom before I left that I wasn't coming out of there without a plan. I think they thought I was kidding. I was not.

After being checked by the nurse, the doctor came in. He checked my cervix (still closed up like Fort Knox) and then I asked him what the plan was. He asked me if I wanted to be induced, and in typical fashion, I made a joke as an answer while he stared at me blindly. The next thing I knew he was stepping out of the room saying he had to make a call. So I sat there waiting. After a couple of minutes he poked his head back in to tell me that he was trying to get me in that night and did I have time to wait on him to make a couple of phone calls.

Umm what?!

A couple of minutes later I was leaving, but not with an appointment for the next, but instead with a registration paper stating that we were to be checked into the hospital that night. It was 10 am and I was officially starting to panic.

I sent Mr. P a text letting him know what was going on and then I ran to Target so I could pack my hospital bag. I like the pressure of a deadline. After Target, I picked E up from school to spend the afternoon with her.

No lie, I was a bit overwhelmed. I wondered what I would have done if I had known last night was Ella's last night as an only child. I feel like I missed a major moment there but it is what it is.

After a couple of hours, it was time to go. We grabbed our bags, dropped E off at my best friend's house to go hang out for a bit, headed to Wal-mart for some last minute things and then headed to the hospital.

We quickly got registered and moved upstairs. After just a bit, they came up and gave me the first dose of Cryotec to get things going. I was so nervous by this point. My prayer was just that things would move faster than they did with Ella. I made sure to mention to multiple people how fast my labor went after they broke my water with her and they said they would probably do that first thing in the morning. Things were looking up.

They came and brought me an Ambien which had the opposite effect it was supposed to on me and quickly had me wired. I could not sleep. I was awake at 10 pm when they gave me my next dose of the meds and then at 2 am they came in to tell me that my contractions were too close together to have that dose. Things were happening.

In the morning, they came in about 5 to let me know I could go ahead and take a shower if I wanted too. They kept telling me that the things I had been feeling for weeks were contractions but so far they weren't strong enough to really do much. I couldn't believe I had been walking around for weeks with legit contractions. I thought they were Braxton Hicks. Who knew?

At 6 am they came in to get an IV started. It took two nurses and three sticks but eventually they got it going and they got the Pitocin going. It wasn't long at all before my doctor came in. I somehow managed to get the one doctor at the practice that I didn't really know because I had only seen once my whole pregnancy. I wasn't sure about things but she won me over quickly when she went ahead and broke my water at only 1 cm and a +2 station.

After my water was broken, things progressed pretty quickly. I asked for my epidural pretty early because I don't do pain and the guy was in there in no time. Unfortunately, he stuck my first one in a vein so he had to pull that out and start a second one. It wasn't painful but it was pretty hard to sit that straight and that still while having so many contractions. Not fun.

Things went so quickly after my epidural. My contractions were pretty consistent but everything was pretty manageable and I was so happy things were so different from E's delivery. Unfortunately they didn't stay that way.

I started to feel this insane pain in my tailbone. It came out of nowhere and it came fast and fierce. Every single time I had a contraction, it felt like my spine was fixing to shatter. It was by far the most intense pain I ever felt. I quickly felt the intense need to push so the nurse came to check me only to find that I was at a ten but he was still at a +2 station.

The pain was so bad that the anesthesiologist came back twice to up my epidural. It didn't touch it. I ended up with legs so numb that even after my delivery, the anesthesiologist was still in my room even going so far as to hold a leg up for me because he was so worried I would do something to cause nerve damage. It was the weirdest feeling ever. I could barely feel my contractions but it wasn't touching the pain in my tailbone and spine.

The doctor came in to see what was going on and quickly determined his head was stuck on my tailbone and was hitting it every time I had a contraction. Her plan was to try and turn him during a contraction. By this point, the desire to push was so strong that I couldn't help but to push but every push brought that intense pain and made me back off.

It was awful. I was terrified that I wouldn't be able to push because the pain was psyching me out. I ended up with one nurse and B holding my legs, the doctor trying to turn him, and one nurse with a towel playing tug of war with me which was the only way I could think to push.

Eventually his head was off my tailbone and he moved down but then his poor shoulder got stuck. He had somehow switched to face up from his appointment where he was in the perfect position and he was just in a bad position. I was struggling so hard. Everyone was doing their best to cheer me on and encourage me but I have never felt so defeated. I really, really didn't think he was every going to come out.

The doctor ended up getting out the suction to help me. I could feel that he was right there but I could also tell by the faces looking back at me that it needed to happen quickly or we would be going another route. That I didn't want. So I gave it my all. I seriously thought my spine snapped as he finally came out and then things got super hazy.

He didn't make a sound. I could see B checking on him and the doctor quickly assessing him, but I was out. I couldn't even focus. I just stared into space. Finally, he gasped and they handed him to me. He still hadn't cried but he quickly made himself at home on my chest and locked eyes with me. I was so spent I could barely get my hands on him.

Fortunately it didn't take me long to come back. And it didn't take him long to perk up. He only got a 7 on his apgar and he had some serious bruising on his head, but he is absolute perfection. I ended up with a pretty fierce episiotomy but I didn't feel that at all thanks to the super, super numb legs. It wasn't long though, til my epidural wore off and I immediately felt better. Well, except for my tail bone. Pretty sure that thing is still bruised.

But he's here. He's perfection. And he has been the best baby ever. We are so in love.