sww

So what if I'm joining up with Shannon today just to hopefully kick start this 'ol blog here a bit. Whatever it takes to dust off ye 'ol cobwebs.

What else... hmmm... let's say so what:

..there are big things happening here. Really big. And I could totally share them but I haven't yet because I know when I start saying it out loud, it will really mean things are happening. Big things. Which are good, but, still changes. And we all know I do not like change.

..if all that probably made it sound like there's a baby announcement on the way. There's not. Nor is there one anywhere in the foreseeable future.

..if that above statement fills me with contentment and also an inner ache at the same time. Let's not dissect that one today. K?

..if I realize that I am so far behind on organizing pictures, blog posts, etc., but every time I sit down to the computer to tackle it, I get overwhelmed and walk away. Tomorrow is another day right?

..if I'm starting to sort of kind of absolutely love age 3. It's hard, don't get me wrong, but BG hit so much of the independent, feisty, sassy, talking back stage at 2, that by 3, we've kind of got things figured out. Now her attitude? still fierce as a snake when it rears it's pretty little head, but those times are rare. And overshadowed by the awesomeness that is her right now.

..if I so realize she's probably going to be a holy freaking terror tomorrow because I just wrote that. Karma.

..if I am in the bed at 9:00 an night and have been since 8. I have been on the road constantly for three days. This girl is done son.

..if I'm ridiculously glad it's Wednesday. Bring on the weekend folks. I need it.

so what?

So what if I haven't linked up with Shannon in forever? I missed it and there's no time like the present to jump right back in right? This weed I'm saying "so what if.."

- I sent my kid to school today just so that I'd have 8 uninterrupted hours to get stuff done. But not important stuff, computer stuff. As in I'm sitting here at 3:30 pm still unshowered and haven't moved all day. But I'm almost caught up editing and posting pictures and knocking out a few blog posts. So yay.

- I just ordered BG's one year photo book. She'll be three in 2 months. Yea.

- I have lost all motivation to run again. The problem is that I can't just hop out my front door and start going. It kills me that I have to get in the car and drive somewhere to run. I can talk myself out of going way too easily knowing I have to get in the car.

- I still have Christmas gifts that need to be sent out. Oops.

- I am already ridiculously excited for St. Patrick's Day. KP and I ordered the girls' outfits yesterday and I am out of mind excited for this years festivities. It's almost March right?!

- I can't quit eating chocolate frosting. Add that to the not running and it's just not pretty. What is wrong with me?!

- I'm headed to Charlotte in a couple of weeks for a week and I am ready to go like now. So looking forward to a week of fun (and work, but whatever).

- I'm kind of ready to go get my kid and head to the park even though I'm not completely done with my to-do list. Must. Stay. Focused.

my story.

Last week when I saw that Becky was going to be hosting this event, I got all excited and started to plan out what I would write. But it all kept feeling "blah" and I decided not to write at all. I love to share my heart on here, but right now there is so much going on that I feel all sorts of censored and I hate it. I feel like my heart isn't showing lately and that blows, because that's why I blog.

So today I'm heading back to the basics a bit. A big 'ol "about me" if you will. A way for me to share my heart and also introduce myself to a few of you new faces around here. And possibly tell you faithfuls a few things you didn't know.

I am sinner saved by Grace. Which sounds totally cliche but honestly, is the root of everything I am.

I'm a former wild child that even now has to focus on not drowning her problems with a good glass bottle of wine. I'm a woman that struggles daily with sins of her past and things that happened that I didn't deserve. I'm a control freak with anxiety issues who struggles every single second of the day with patience and not expecting too much out of the ones I love. I struggle with anger and have my whole entire life.

Not what you'd expect from a Mommy blogger huh?

It took me years to recognize that I was heading down a dangerous path. That what I thought was typical "college fun", was actually a gateway to a dark underground that I quickly found myself entangled in. The things I saw haunted me for years and if I'm totally honest, still make their way back with certain sounds and smells.

Marriage came quickly for me after meeting the love of my life, but the girl he married was a mess and marriage didn't fix her. I thank God that he sent me the man He did because anyone else would have been gone years ago.

Infertility was something I never even gave a second thought to but I quickly found myself as "one of those women" that was at weekly blood draws and shooting herself up daily with meds only to have her heart ripped out over and over again when the image on the ultrasound screen was no longer moving.

My heart was wrecked time and time again and I didn't know how to deal with it. I hurt everyone I loved because I didn't know how to express what was happening to me on the inside; I was literally dying inside. Every core of my being hurt.

I was raised in a Christian home and I've always known God but it wasn't til I hit rock bottom at the end of 2008 that I consciously gave my life to Him. I sobbed in the shower as I begged Him to forgive me for who I had become and I needed Him so, so bad. I also begged Him to watch over the life inside of me. Which He did. And then He brought it home to Him a few weeks later.

But something changed in me that day in the shower. I no longer had to do life alone. I now had the biggest Helper anyone could have.

In 2008, I found a few blogs that I started reading at work. And I decided to start my own. I didn't know what to say or how much to say because it was all so new. I had just, literally, hit rock bottom the week before I started my blog. I was in a dark, dark place the first few posts but you would never, ever know it.

I use this blog as a journal, but I also use it just to talk. To talk about what I've been through. To talk about what I'm going through. To talk about the One who carries me through it. So much of the time, I sit here and I think I have nothing in common with so many of the Mommy bloggers out there. They seem to have it all together and it seems as if they've never had a hard day in their lives.

Then I realized that with all the pretty pictures and the gushing of "I love my life!" that I do so often over here, y'all might think that about me. And that's so not true. That's not my story.

I love my life now, yes. And my life is amazing to me, but every single day is hard. We're in recovery mode after two big job changes and two big moves in two and a half years. We miss home, we miss our friends, we miss our old life. I struggle daily with what His plan is for me. I still struggle with anxiety, lack of patience, anger, and fear. I feel like my life is a big standstill while we wait to see what He has in store next.

I'm a sinner saved by Grace.

Because of that, I have a constant hope that even though things are hard right now, they are all working for a greater plan. That will blow what I thought I wanted out of the water with how great it will be.

I don't have it all together. I don't pretend to. I'm not always a perfect wife or a good mother. I blog because it is good for me. Because some of the other Mommy bloggers out there have become my dearest friends. Because I love the connections this blog has afforded me.

I also blog for the emails I get from women saying "thank you". For baring my heart. For being honest. And for keeping it real.

That's my story. It's not very pretty, but it's made me who I am. And I'm totally okay with who I am.

so what wednesday

So what if I've completely fallen off the running wagon. I cannot get motivated and it sucks. I cannot get motivated to pack up all mine and the little's stuff, drive somewhere safe to run, unpack all of our stuff, run while listening to her screaming about how she "needs out!!!", pack back up all of our stuff, drive home, and then unpack again. Gah. I miss being able to walk out my front door and take off. Stupid country.

So what if I am completely overwhelmed by life right now. I know this is just a season but oh my gah I literally just need one thing to give me a break.

So what if my yet untouched To-Do List is sitting here staring at me right now. Clearly this is way more important.

So what if I'm spending nap time on the computer and watching the dvr instead of cleaning. I need a break.

So what if I played two hours of hide and seek this morning solely for the hope of a successful nap time this afternoon. She loved it and she's sleeping right now. I win.

So what if I'm a little confused as to what happens next. Life keeps handing me curveballs when I just want one fastball. I will figure it all out in due time.

So what if I am willing to open nada presents this year as long as my kid has an amazing Christmas. And I totally realize that's not what it's about but I get joy out of seeing her happy. So there's that.

So what if I sort of want BG to wake up right this very second so that we can go to the park. I need some vitamin D and a mood upper stat.

So what if this is the most depressing and whiny post ever. I'm in a funk. But this is life and I'm thirty so this is probably it for now huh? Don't answer that.

in memory.

Today I'm participating in a blog day of silence in Memory of Matt Turner. Please be in prayer for Julee and the rest of the family today as they attend Matt's funeral. Keep them in your prayers, as well as so many others who have just lost loved ones, in the coming days and weeks.

Psalms 116:1-2 I love the LORD, because he has heard my voice and my pleas for mercy. Because he inclined his ear to me, therefore I will call on him as long as I live.

savoring the little things: day 7

I'm catching up and will have Day 8 up tonight. It wouldn't be my 31 day challenge if I didn't get behind ;)

This weekend BG and I ran down to Savannah to see my best friend get married. It was a quick trip but chock full of love and lots of laughter. My soul needed that big time.

Right before leaving, I checked Facebook and saw where my friend Kelly had posted the news that sweet Julee's husband had passed away the night before. I have been reading Julee's blog for a while now and though I only "know" her through blogging/Twitter, my heart absolutely broke for her when I read that news.

None of us have a clue how long we have with the ones we love. It's a terrifying thought, but it's reality. Seeing something like this happen just makes it all the more obvious that every single second with someone is a gift. That every moment is one that you were lucky to have.

My phone died as I was getting on the road (fantastic I know) and BG quickly fell asleep. So it was just me and the open road. I did a lot of praying. For Julee and the rest of her family, for her sweet daughter, and for my own family and friends, some of whom are dealing with pretty rough times of their own.

I also did a lot of praising. Because my life is full of people that I adore and I am so thankful for the time I have with them.

Especially for these sweet days with my little girl and Mr. P. The two of them are my entire heart in human form and I can't even believe I'm lucky enough to get to do life with them.

Please pray for Julee and the rest of the Turner family. I know there will be lots of opportunities in the coming days to give in tangible ways to this sweet family so keep an eye out for ways you can help. There will be an online auction next week and you can check out these blogs for more info:Life in the Green House, Life Sweet Life, In Munchkinland, SheShe Made, and The Getts Times.

I've been in awe today at the way this community has come together to help out one of our own. People outside of the blogging/Twitter world just don't get it, but I have seen God all over this community today and it makes me so proud to be involved.

savoring the small things: day 2

Today was actually much easier than Day 1. We're still a bit "off" here, but we're making steps to beat that and this morning we made one huge step in the right direction.

When we found out we were moving here, my good friend Anne immediately told me that I had to meet her friend that lived here. Immediately I knew that had to happen as I trust Anne's judgement completely and knew she wouldn't steer me wrong in the "cool person" department.

We barely had a single box unpacked before Whitney and I were striking up email conversations and trying to figure out a time to meet up and let our little ones meet. So when Whitney suggested a park playdate this morning, we were so there.

Watching two sweet little ones navigate the playground, share a snack of Goldfish, hunt acorns, and chase birds all while chatting it up with someone that doesn't speak in three word sentences? Perfection. The company couldn't have been better either. Anne was right. I knew she would be.

A simple park date and amazing conversation with such an awesome person did my soul good. It's so hard to make friends at this age, but I'm pretty sure I made one today and I love it. Oh, and so did BG. She's been talking about her "new friend" all day. Though I'm not sure if she's talking about Whitney (who she fell hard for as she does) or sweet L. I'm guessing probably both.

Today was great. Bring it on Day 3.

savoring the little things: day 1

31 DaysIt's kind of funny that this whole 31 Days challenge started today. What's even funnier is that I picked to write about "savoring the little things" and then proceeded to do nothing but wish away the day as I was a stressed out mess of a person today.

It actually got to the point about four o' clock this afternoon that I was all "what the heck am I going to write about??" when I looked down at my dirty pajama (yes, pajama) pants and my screaming toddler hanging from my leg for the fortieth time today and could not think of one single thing I wanted to remember about this day.

So I decided to "make" a little thing. Ha. I decided that BG and I would ride down to Sonic and get a slushie (which she loves) and then we would come back to the house and I would take really cute pictures of us sitting on the front porch enjoying our slushes together. Well then life happened and I took the wrong turn in our new town and went around my butt to get to my elbow and while driving way out of the way, BG decided to turn her slushie over in her seat and bathe in it.

Yay. Little moments I live for.

Or not.

By the time we got home, I was even more of a frazzled mess than I was before we left. So stripped off BG's now sticky, wet clothes, put her patch on her, and set her down in front of the tv with some Dora so I could finish my (non spilled) slush in quiet.

Eventually the dogs started to whine to go outside, so I got up to let them out. Only it was pouring, so they wouldn't go (typical). But before I could shut the door, my toddler pushed through and was outside in the rain before I could stop her.

She was laughing and splashing and squealing "Look Mommy! It's raining from the sky!!" and the little pointer finger was just a going and before I could stop myself I did it; I laughed.

Truth be told, I should have brought her in. It was patch time, which can't get wet, she already has horrible respiratory problems, and she was in her skivvies, but I just couldn't do it. Because she was loving it. And for the first time all day, she was laughing and carrying on like I so love to see her do.

So I let her stay outside. Though I did insist on a rain coat.
I absolutely adore this kid. Crazy as she makes me (and it's pretty darn crazy), I wouldn't trade one single day with her. And watching the joy she gets in the small things, things like catching raindrops, well, you can't put a price on that. It's awesome.


And a huge, huge thank you to my girl AP for designing my button here. You know if all the "cool kids" are doing it, I want to too! Thanks lady!

31 days

There is a whole lot going on right now. Some good, some not so good. Unfortunately I tend to be getting a bit bogged down in the not so good which I am not a fan of. So let's stop that shall we.

When I opened my Reader this morning, I saw numerous posts linking back to the Nester and a 31 days link up. Curiosity quickly reeled me in and I rolled over to check things out. After flipping through the details, it came to me that this challenge could be as simple or as complicated as one makes it. And I decided to make it simple.

While there is so much going on right now and I feel at times that I'm drowning, life is still happening. My child is still hysterical, my husband is still coming up with off the wall sayings, and my friends are still a riot. The little things that I've always enjoyed are still there; I'm just covering them up a bit more than I used to. So my challenge? for the next 31 days is to just soak up the small things. To relish the sound of my child's laugh, or the smell of leaves when walking the dog. To enjoy a solitary run or a cheap thrill when landing a coveted item on big time clearance.

Each day I will be back, with my small item for that day. With the one thing that was able to make it all okay at least for a few minutes. It's time to savor the small joys. It's time to slow it down a bit.

I do hope you'll join me on this little blogging challenge. Go link up and check out the rest of the 31 Dayers.

After each post is written, I'll put the link here so they will all be in one place and easily accessible. Thanks for following along.

DAY 1
DAY 2
DAY 3
DAY 4
DAY 5
DAY 6
DAY 7
DAY 8
DAY 9
DAYS 10, 11, 12
DAY 13
DAY 14
DAY 15 & 16

wordless wednesday

Well almost. When Nonny came to visit a few weeks ago, we had to trek out to all of our favorite parks to get in our fair share of park time before we moved. And that meant we had to head to the park with the duck pond. Duh. Because it's BG's favorite and she gets thrilled to hang with the ducks.

Weirdo.

Anyway, so we did the feeding of the duck thing. BG loved it. Mr. P did too. Possibly more than the little. She was giggling and squealing and holding full on conversations with the ducks and loving every second of it. Man, even the little things are amazing to her. Like nasty ducks. I need just an ounce of her joy in life.

Enjoy the pictures. Be glad you can't smell those ducks.

project pinterest: gallery wall 2.0

So when my pal AP announced she was holding a new Pinterest link up, I knew this was going to be one link up I wanted to participate in. I am only just now getting the whole "Pinterest" thing and am just starting to use it, but in a short time, I've been a pinning fool.

So it's time to take some of those pins and put them into real life.

We've done a few Pinterest projects over the past few months and most of them have been a success but today I'm going to show you a Pinterest spin on my beloved gallery walls.

Truth be told, I've been a fan of the "gallery wall" for years. Growing up, my dream was to always have a house with an amazing staircase that I could do pictures up the entire wall going up the staircase.

Source: houzz.com via M on Pinterest

I've done a gallery wall in every house we've ever lived in. They have always been made up of just family pictures of all of us, in mismatched frames and I have always loved them. I'll do another big gallery wall in this house just like that because I love that look, but I wanted to do something different in two of the other rooms.

So I hit up Pinterest and loved the look of the gallery wall made up of art and mementos and pictures and decided that I wanted to do something similar.

Source: thesavvyphotographer.blogspot.com via M on Pinterest

Now my gallery walls are just beginning but they are both in smaller rooms with a much smaller area to cover than that wall. I would love to do something similar one day, but for now, these will do.

In our guest room (and I cannot get that one picture to hang straight for the life of me so we'll just pretend k?) up above the bed you will find this:
*Also ignore the cell phone pictures. The battery charger has temporarily disappeared in the big move.*

...and in Baby Girl's room..

It's a start, but I love them. And they add a lot to the rooms.

Now go link up with AP and show us what you've been "pinning"!

so what?

Another week, another chance to give a big 'ol So What to this week with Shannon. Here's to getting stuff off my chest!
So What If...

-I, like Shannon, have no clue what BG will be for Halloween. She keeps saying she wants to be a Princess which I think is so over done, but.. it is about her so, we shall see.

-I'm getting a bit down lately. There it is. The move is officially getting me down a bit. I recognize all the signs (post later) so maybe I can do something about it.

-I've started two posts today that I just don't love and will now sit in my drafts for a while. Sometimes I worry that I worry too much about boring people with what I write but then I remember, I still use this blog first and foremost to keep the memories. So sometimes, the posts might be boring. That's completely okay.

-I'm bored. There. I said it.

-Come the weekend, I just want to go, go, go since I've been hanging out with a two year old all week. However, Mr. P has been gone all week and just wants to hang out around the house. Who will win? We shall see...

-I really want to hate the Kardashians, but I can't. In fact, I just caught up on their last season and I might love them even more. They make me want a big family something fierce.

-I'm completely over Big Brother and don't even care who wins after being obsessed all summer. Okay, that's not entirely true. I don't want Dan or Ian to win so I guess I do care. And I guess I'm Team Danielle.

-I started a 10k training plan but I have zero motivation at the moment to run. Must push through.

-Being a grown up really sucks sometimes. Man do I miss the days of no bills and no worries. Sigh...

-I need the sun to come back out so my blog will cheer up.

what to wear where

So because they are my favorites, I'm linking up with Melissa and Amy again today for their What to Wear Where challenge. Which today made me a hot sweaty mess. Because it's too hot here for Fall clothes.

But I love them. So you get to see the picture anyway.

I love Fall. Love it. But apparently South Carolina hates it and gives it the stank eye when it tries to appear. So while it says "Fall is here!" on the calendar, in SC, it's still armpit sweat inducing hot outside. Which sucks. Because September comes and I'm all scarves! boots! skinny jeans! but it's still 90 + outside and one should still wear shorts.


Basically, I just have to switch colors. Which actually gives me the happies because the deeper tones of fall colors are much more my style than the pastels of summer. Oh and I made the super short summer dress(?) into a top because I don't do booty hanging out and I shrunk it. So yea.

Top: Old Navy at the beginning of the summer/ pants: (look Amy colored pants!) Christopher & Banks (pleasant surprise at the outlets last week and now I want to wear them every freaking day)/ necklace: Fashion to Figure/ flats: Target a billion years ago/ hair: a hot mess that I didn't even brush. I definitely need a fashion blogger how to if I'm ever going to put my picture on here again.

Sigh...

I totally ventured out of my comfort zone with the colored pants but now I love them and want every single color ever. But I'm going to need some cooler weather for the next time I wear real pants. Please let fall come South Carolina!

Sunday Social

1. 5 items you can't live without on a daily basis(water, food, shelter, and clothes don't count)
- We're going to go ahead and assume that family and pets aren't "items" and therefore won't be on this list..
1. coffee (easy).
2. my computer
3. my dayplanner (paper one, I cannot do electronic calendars)
4. my BOB (would never get to run without it)
5. my phone (only for the aps, I don't do talking on it)

2. All time favorite book? Why?
- Only one?!? Seriously??

Umm... oh goodness I can't even think of just one. I'll actually go with Little Women on this one but only because of the memories tied up in it. Now? I love Jodi Piccoult books and Emily Giffin books are always a fun read.

3. Something you'd like to accomplish before the end of 2012
- I would really like to get BG's first year photo book done.

Yes, first year. Slack arse.

And, run a few more races. I've got my eye on two I would love to compete in before the end of the year.

4. If you could go back and relive any year of your life which year would it be?
-2010. There's a few things I would do differently, but I'd relive meeting BG over and over again. plus there was just so much joy and happiness in my family that year (mostly because of her). Best year ever.

5. What do you wish people knew about you without you having to tell them?
- That I have freakish personal space issues. Sometimes I seem rude and standoffish because I'm all arms crossed, distance please but I'm not at all. I'm just a freak that can't handle being touched.

what to wear where

I'm not very fashionable. It's a truth.

I have no real style "niche" if you will. Usually I match. Okay, usually might be stretching it. I match sometimes, most of the time I don't care.

But sometimes, I actually put outfits together that work. Not often enough though which is why I'm loving the current link up that two of my favorites are currently doing. It's giving me a bit more insight into some Mama friendly (and Mama appropriate) outfits.

Today is What to Wear for family pictures and seeing as how we just (okay in April) had family pictures taken, I'll share one of our shots.

I tend to pick one "outfit" and go from that. In this case, BG's dress was picked out for her two year old pictures and I picked coordinating colors for Mr. P and myself to wear. I don't like matchy matchy and even though I put all this together last minute (story of my life), I loved how it all turned out.

Now ya'll go over and link up because it's holiday picture time and I'm loving the ideas I'm getting!

Sunday Social

I'm linking up with Neely again for the Sunday Social. Somehow it appears to be the end of summer (sort of sad, but HELLO FALL!) so all the questions are a good summer recap. Be sure to pop over and link up!

What was your favorite trip/vacation/activity this summer?
-I guess the only real trip we took this summer would have been to Charleston for Mr. P's buddy's wedding. It was a completely low key weekend spent with friends and the beach and shopping. A complete win in my book.

Favorite outfit look of the summer/clothing item?
-I wore sundresses, shorts, and flip flops all summer. Fashion blogger I am not. Fashion anything I am not actually.

What is one thing you wish you had gotten to do this summer?
-I wish we had spent more time at the beach. I wish we would have taken a family vacation just the three of us that involved lots of beach time and playing and sitting around. Sigh... maybe next summer.

Favorite Song of the Summer?
-Umm somehow I found country again this summer (I know, I don't even know who I am) so I'm loving Crazy Girl (don't ask me who sings it), then of course Drive By by Train and I have to say Call Me Maybe but only because my girl loves it and it makes her smile.

Favorite movie/tv show of the summer:
-Big Brother and Bachelor Pad. I need Fall tv to come give me a release from my reality tv addiction.