update or something like that.

I shake my head at the fact that I haven't touched this blog since July.

I want to blog. I miss my blog. But I sit down to write and I get overwhelmed by how much I need to catch up on, and then I can't find the pictures I want, and then I'm tired because I've already been staring at a computer all day, and then; bam. I shut it down. And yet another day goes by that I did not blog.

I do want to catch things up. To tell you about my boy's first birthday (it was perfect) and our Christmas (so, so good) and wrap up Cooper's first year, and I will. But I figure I'll just jump right in for a minute because my heart is elsewhere today.

It's been a day. Today actually makes four years since my sweet Grandma lost her battle with cancer. I still miss her so. It makes me sad that she didn't get to meet my boy. Oh how she would have loved him. And Ella? She would be crazy about the girl Ella is becoming. Ella is actually the shopper and girly girl that I never was and my Grandma was definitely a shopper herself. While I rolled my eyes and got dragged from shop to shop, Ella would gladly spend a Saturday morning with Grandma at the mall. Oh she would adore Ellabelle.

I'm pretty sure I won't ever stop feeling the weight of her absence. Grief is funny. It comes and goes and hits when you least expect it. I just miss her. She was so much good.

Then there are the kiddos. Oh where to start.

Ella is thriving in Kindergarten. I will do an update on her because she deserves a post all her own but in short, she's doing good. She makes the best grades, reads well beyond her years, has joined an after school club, and started tae-kwon-do two days a week. She decided a couple of weeks in that she wanted to quit tae-know-do because it interferes with "her schedule". When asked what that means, she let us know that she needs more time with her friends...

We didn't let her quit.

She's my social butterfly. She's funny and smart and such a good kid. She's also the best big sister in the world. She has the patience of Job with Cooper nine times out of ten. Unless he's been crying not stop for hours (which he has been known to do). When that happens, she disappears with her hands over her ears. I sort of wish I could do the same. True story.

And then there's Cooper. Oh Cooper.

Cooper isn't an easy child. He whines a good portion of the day. We think he's trying to get his one year molars. Or he better be. He isn't walking but he's oh so close. Just in the last couple of days, he has started doing a lot more of standing on his own and taking one step or so. I do think he's frustrated with his lack of ability to walk and that adds to some of the whining.

He grunts and whines to communicate and if you don't figure out what he wants immediately, he will lose his shit. He's a little pig. The boy loves to eat. Our grocery bill is going to be astronomical.

He's funny. He loves to be chased. And he is oh so sweet. Anytime I pick him up, he nuzzles into me and lays his head on my shoulder. He is the definition of a Mama's boy and I can't get enough. He may be difficult, but good grief, I'm obsessed with him. He's done crazy things to my heart.

He was just moved up to the toddler class at school on Monday and we are both struggling a bit with the transition. I truly believe he was moved up to make room for an influx of infants in the infant class and I don't personally believe he's ready for the next step. Apparently their requirements are to be off bottles and on table food. He is both of those, but he's not walking, and he's just so little still. They are transitioning him to one nap a day and napping on a mat on the floor. Cooper is just not ready for one nap a day. I know in my heart he's not.

My boy is exhausted. He's a disaster in the evening. I dropped him off yesterday and told them he was ready for a nap (he was falling asleep on my shoulder) and they told me they don't get a morning nap and I almost turned around and walked out. I know my baby. He's still a baby. I seriously cannot deal.

I'm having one of those times where my heart is aching to walk away from my job and spend all my time with him. I hate this. I hate feeling so helpless. I feel like my boy is being forced to grow up and he's just not ready Gah.

And with that, I'm done rambling. So there's a little catch up on us. I'll be back.