Tuesday, December 22, 2009

a different kind of Christmas.

Since Mr. Perfect and I have been together, the holidays haven't always been the easiest for us.

This will only be our second Christmas together that we haven't been suffering a miscarriage, on bedrest trying to prevent a miscarriage, or recovering from surgery after a miscarriage.

We have amazing timing no?

This Christmas has brought back so many memories of how lost and alone I felt when I couldn't figure out why God wouldn't let us keep our babies. But just as quickly as they arrive, they disappear, usually when Baby Girl kicks the crap out of me.

I don't think I will ever understand why we (and so many others) had to go through all those losses. I'll probably never understand why this baby got to be the one that made it when the other 4 just couldn't.

But I don't need to.

I haven't forgotten my journey to get here and I will always hold a special place in my heart for those women struggling with infertility and recurrent pregnancy loss, but I have let go of all the bitterness I felt about our past issues. This Christmas isn't about mourning the loss of a baby or praying that a baby will make it. This Christmas is reminding me that our God is faithful and He always provides. It may take longer than we would like and the journey may be harder than we expected, but He is always taking care of us.

I think I've put a lot of pressure on myself to make this the best Christmas ever. I've been stressing about gifts, and church services, and family time, just trying to make it all perfect.

But it already is. Because God has blessed me in more ways than I ever deserved. I have an amazing husband, a wonderful family, a brother that is safe overseas, and a precious baby girl growing away and kicking up a storm in my belly.

Even though it was a terrible road, everything we went though; every surgery, every shot in the back, every medication, every failed treatment, every failed pregnancy; was completely worth it for our little miracle. And she is the best Christmas present I could ever ask for.


LyndsAU said...

I am so happy for you!! I know it's been tough for you. I can't even imagine but this litle baby is such a precious blessing from God!!

Legallyblondemel said...

First of all, I'm so sorry I haven't been by here in a long while.

More importantly, my thoughts & prayers are with you for a peaceful holiday this year. Thanks for sharing your struggle. I'm so happy that it has resulted in this beautiful baby girl for you.

Anonymous said...

I can't tell you enough how happy I am for you and Mr Perfect and your families. The sadness and loss you struggled through are difficult to hear about, but you are such an inspiring story of faith and perserverance! I am also so glad that the Marine is safe-y'all are in my prayers! Merry Christmas!

In this wonderful life... said...

SO happy for you! This post brought me tears momma! You guys are going to be perfect parents!

Kristin said...

This baby was just meant to be. That's what I tell myself about my little dude. The other little one just wasn't ready to come!

Rachel said...

You just brought tears to my eyes. I couldn't be happier for you guys. God is good and faithful and although there's sadness, there really is lots to be thankful for.

Merry Christmas to your little family :)

Fidgeting Gidget said...

This made my heart flutter and the thought behind it gives me so much hope for future Christmases with my husband. I am so happy for you! Enjoy the season! Merry Christmas!

Becca said...

congrats :-) and what a beautiful post and reminder - thanks for sharing your heart!

Melissa said...

That was a beautiful, honest post. Best of luck to you and your future family. Merry Christmas!


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