on being thirty.

So I'm thirty now. Amazingly enough, the day came and went with little to no pain. Of course I did ease the pain a little that night with my favorite wine, but whatever. Oddly enough, thirty feels no different than twenty nine. Different than eighteen, but that's to be expected.

I remember when I thought thirty was so old. Like so old. We had a teacher that was thirty when we were in high school. She was actually my youngest teacher but she had kids and a minivan and a mortgage and wow. She was old. Her life was basically over. Or at least at a big standstill. I mean what happens next? Does anything really happen after the marriage and kids??

Now, well now I know that she was just starting life. That it was just her beginning. Not her middle and most definitely not her end. My perspective has shifted. That eighteen year old kid had no clue what life had in store.

Most of the times I don't "feel" how I would've expected a thirty year old to feel. True, my body hurts a bit more after a simple run than it ever did after ninety minutes of a hardcore soccer game and I ice body parts more now than ever before. Three glasses of wine will give me a bloody hangover for days when I used to be able to party til four am and still be in class or at work by eight. That is the surest sign of my "advancing" age. But overall, I don't "feel" thirty.

Most days as I flip through my FB timeline, I still find it odd that 95% of my FB friends are posting pictures of first days of school and baby's first tailgate. My timeline is no longer flooded with shots of a party that weekend or multiple concert posts. I see more cries for sleep training help or sales of smocked dresses than anything else. Even my timeline is getting older.

Sometimes I still cannot believe that I could possibly be thirty. That I could be someone's wife, someone's mother, someone's coworker. I still feel like I'm playing house sometimes when I peruse the internet looking for a recipe (okay, that's happened once) or go looking for a good deal on a Halloween costume. I had a "is this my life?" moment when I went looking for possible dance lessons for my daughter the other day.

My daughter. I am totally thirty.

It's crazy because sometimes I let that number get to me and I'm all "holy crap I'm thirty and have done nothing with my life". But really, what was I going to do? Cure cancer? Play in a professional soccer game? Win the lottery? (that would still be okay..) In the ways that one should measure her years (happiness, love, all that gushy stuff), well in those, I've more than surpassed thirty years worth. I'm good in those departments.

Clearly thirty is still messing with my head a bit as I'm still talking about it. It's just.. I can still remember pondering thirty and now I'm here. And it's so different than I thought. But different good.

I say that today. Give me a minute. I may change my mind.