words.

There are funny cycles in life. I find that often I'm perfectly content, sometimes bored, sometimes unsettled, and sometimes overwhelmed. They come in waves and each one tends to have super high highs in them.

Right now, I am completely overwhelmed.

My head is a hot mess. My new job is all sorts of awesome but it is also exhausting. Very, very exhausting. There are times I am so frustrated that all I want to do is curl into a corner and cry and then there are times where things are absolutely rocking and I just want to do a little happy dance.

Highs and lows right.

I also suck at balance. I suck at knowing where to stop. I tend to throw myself into things full swing and then leave other things completely untouched. It's not good. The job is hard and it is time consuming but there is life that is outside work. I'm still trying to figure that out.

Lately I've been haunted by past mistakes and it is literally hacking away at my insides. I am so thankful for a God that has forgiven me and has made me new, but it's the people I've hurt in the past that I can't seem to get real forgiveness from. It's like a dark cloud that I just can't seem to shake. It is eating me up which makes me throw myself into work more. Vicious cycle.

The news this week has been plain awful. I look at my sweet girl and wonder how on Earth she is ever going to thrive in a world so ate up with hatred, anger, and greed. I literally want to lock my family in a bubble right now that she never has to leave. A bubble full of hopscotch and jumping frogs games. A bubble with a few too many good night books and a few too many nights spent curled up in bed between the two that love her most. A bubble where laughter is always the best medicine and where she will never doubt that her parents love her more than life itself.

This world is terrifying. My only prayer is that Baby Girl will be consumed with light and will share her light with others around her. That she will be filled with love and will put that out in a world that seems to thrive on hate. I pray that she loves her God with all her heart and that that love shines through her and makes those around her want to know her and want to know about the One that makes her special.

So much seems to be out of my control right now. From work, to home, to this crazy world, I feel like I'm absolutely drowning. I crave a weekend away with my family like nothing else right now. Grown up life can be awesome but it can also suck sometimes. Right now? I would give anything to be a bit younger again. Just for a minute. Or maybe a day. Just to have a few less responsibilities for a second.

I miss this blog so much. I miss pouring my heart out. I miss you ladies. I may not even post this jumble of words because I already feel better just getting it out.

Heck, I'm posting. Welcome to la head de Megan. It's a wreck.