(almost) wordless wednesday: melt my heart edition

Somebody had a helper while making breakfast...


My heart burst into a million pieces. I'm still picking it back up. Man, I adore these two.

a legacy.

Yesterday was an odd day for me.

I was ridiculously overwhelmed with stuff at work, missing home and friends like crazy, frustrated at situations beyond my control, and exasperated by the tantrums that have plagued our house as of late.

Sometimes I lose my cool with my daughter. I admit it.

Last night, Mr. P had to take her while I covered my ears unable to listen to one more high pitched squeal. I can't take it.

Fortunately I co-parent with the most amazing person on the planet. Where I am weak, he's literally strong. When I can't take the whining (seriously, it's like nails on a chalkboard to me), he steps in. When he loses patience over her asserting her independence, I step in because I so admire that trait and have more patience in guiding it.

I have zero clue what this little girl is going to grow up to be. Zero. Fortunately I believe that He does and I get to just watch as she becomes who she is already destined to become. I do hope though that her father and I pass onto her so many things through the way we are and the way we live.

I hope that she someday finds a man that makes her laugh and chases her around the house til she's crying with giggles like her father does me. I hope she sees him hug me and kiss me and know that's what a marriage should be. I hope she finds someone that she can bicker and carry on with and then laugh at how ridiculous they both are being.

I hope she's as hardworking as her father. I hope she has the drive to succeed that's instilled in him. I hope she has the fierce love for her family that he has for his.

I hope she laughs like I do. I hope it's loud and obnoxious and so joyful that others around her laugh with her just because its physically impossible for them not too. I hope people flock to her just because she's such a joy to be around.

I hope she has my book smarts and her father's common sense. I hope that she, unlike her Mom, can keep up with her keys, phone, and purse daily, but if she can't, I hope she can laugh at herself and promise to put them in the "same place next time" just like me.

I hope that she loves the Lord. I pray daily that she never struggles the way I did. I pray that she's never that broken or having to search that hard for the love that is right in front of her. I hope she gets up every day and reads the Bible her Dad leaves laying on the couch after his morning quiet time or the one I leave laying wherever I plopped down with my coffee. I hope she thirsts for that word and enjoys going to church with us each week.

I hope she has the heart her Dad has for other people and the one I have for animals. I hope she fights for the underdog like I do, sees the good in people like I do, but has the wisdom to see the bad n them like her father does. I hope she's slow to anger like her Dad and bites her tongue way better than her Mom.

Most of all, I hope she's happy. I hope the laughter that rings through this house gets into her bones. I hope she carries out her days with a peace that comes with the confidence in knowing that she is awesome. I hope she's secure in who she is and where she's heading.

I hope more than anything that she stays my best friend. I hope she stays her Daddy's "Princess. I hope that she stays faithful to the Lord. I hope that we leave an amazing legacy for her that she's proud to live up to.

working Mom to SAHM to working Mom...

When I was growing up, my dreams of motherhood came and went. I was never one of those little girls who dreamed of being a mother day in and day out. If push came to shove, yes, I saw myself with kids one day, but it wasn't all I longed for.

Does that make sense?

When I did picture myself with kids, I also pictured myself with a big time career. I could picture myself picking them up at the end of the day or imagine myself taking them with me to "Take Your Children to Work" days. I never once thought about staying home with kids all day every day.

When we got pregnant, the option to stay home was not there. It wasn't something we discussed, heck it wasn't something I even really thought about. Then I found blogging.

I still to this day have no clue if I really would have wanted to stay home so bad if I didn't read tons of SAHM blogs, or if it would have never crossed my mind but suddenly I couldn't imagine going back to work. I was devastated at the thought of leaving my child with anyone but me. Unfortunately our situation called for two incomes and there was no getting around it.

The first day I went back to work, I was a wreck. I sobbed getting ready, I sobbed on the way to the sitter's house, I sobbed in the sitter's house, and I sobbed the whole way to work. I must have called Kyndal (the sitter) four times before ten am. It was awful.

Then somewhere around noon, I realized that I wasn't worrying incessantly about BG and that I was truly enjoying being back at work. It helped that I really liked what I did, I (most of the time) liked my coworkers, and I only went back part time. I had the best of both worlds.

Of course I ran out of work every day at five and got mad if I had to work extra, but it worked. We fell into a new schedule of work, daycare, play time, that worked for us. I still had a ton of time with her, but I also got out to do what I loved to do for work.

When we moved, it worked out that I could stay at home with her for a while. I'll be honest, I absolutely loved it. I am so, so thankful for that time because I got to see her start crawling and start walking and so many other things. However, I battled a bit of depression during that time that I only partially delved into here on the blog.

I blamed it on S.A.D. but it was much more. I loved being with her all day, but I missed adult interaction something fierce. Perhaps it would have been much better had we known some people here, but it just got so lonely. I found myself aching for five o' clock for Mr. P to come home and talk to me.

Please do not get me wrong, I loved every single second of being with her and I can never thank my husband enough for working so hard to give me that opportunity. Those days are days I'll never get back and being with her the majority of her first year was the best thing ever.

The older she got, the more I started thinking about getting her involved in classes and other activities. She is so active that I constantly worried that just being around me wasn't enough for her. That and other factors made me really reconsider finding an outside job.

I have been looking for something part time since we moved up here with absolutely no luck. I took that as a sign that being with her was what was right for our family at the time. This past time when I started looking, I got a call the next day.

Timing much?

I was a wreck after I found out I got the job. I'm talking inconsolable. Now that I know how much BG does in a day, I couldn't imagine anyone else getting those moments with her. I honestly still can't. The first few days, I seriously thought about throwing in the towel. Mr. P and I had a deal; if I couldn't handle it, then I could quit. Simple as that. We would make it work.

After about two days, I realized that I had a spring in my step I hadn't had in a while. The whole social interaction thing? I need it. Getting out for me, makes me a better person and in turn a better Mom.

I've kind of been absent from the blog and Twitter world and I just realized why. I was using them (especially Twitter) as my only source of adult interaction during the day. I craved it so bad that my phone was always in sight. Always. Sometimes BG would be put on hold as I caught up on tweets and blogs and such because that was the only social interaction I was getting.

Now when it's me and her, it's just me and her. I am all about her since my time is now divided. It's making me a better Mom.

I'm only working part time. At this stage in the game, full time just won't work. That's way too much time away from my little one. In a way, I have the best of both worlds as my friend Megan has said. I get to get out and get my adult interaction in, but I also get most of my time with BG. It's a perfect mix.

If the opportunity arises would I ever go back to SAHM?

Maybe. Probably.

Having the first year (most of it) was awesome to me. Beyond that? I don't know....

I'm just one of those people who needs the outside interaction. I need the structure. Heck, I admit it; I need the validation. Getting out gives me a better schedule and makes me more organized. I no longer feel at the end of the day "what the heck did I do all day?". Perhaps it would be different if I knew more people to set up play dates and such with. Again, a big I don't know.

What I do know right now this works for us. This part time gig has more benefits than downfalls. BG is doing excellent at daycare (besides learning to pick her nose) and I'm actually loving what I'm doing each day. It's been good for both of us.

Who knows if that dot dot dot will lead to another SAHM gig. Guess we shall wait and see.

project 365: week 28

Sunday, July 10th:

Just hanging out watching a little Baby Einstein while running around like a crazy person.
Monday, July 11th:
Fail.

Tuesday, July 12th:

I was trying to get a picture of how absolutely adorable my child is when she sleeps, but she heard me and sat bolt upright in bed. Way to wake a sleeping babe woman.
Wednesday, July 13th:

BG likes to take our hands and use us to grab food on her plate to put in her mouth. She's not always a huge fan of getting her hands messy. This night she also figured out that she could get us to pick up the food and then she could stab it with a fork out of our fingers to eat. Poor Mr. P's hand...
Thursday, July 14th:

This is why we can't have sweets in our house. This was a full cake just the night before. Nice huh?
Friday, July 15th:

BG obviously wasn't feeling well which is why she decided to sit down and watch some tv with Mom before bed time. I was eating it up. This never happens.
Saturday, July 16th:

My little rocker baby.

saturday.

Yesterday our sitter had to go to a funeral so BG ended up staying home with her Daddy all day. It actually worked out perfectly because she got sent home Thursday with a small fever and was not herself when she woke up on Friday.

I came home for lunch to find Mr. P and BG packing up to head to Zaxby's for lunch together. Unfortunately I checked her temp and found it to be 102.7 and put the ax to their plans. Mean Mama. But it made my heart swell to come home to see him getting ready to take his little girl out for some one on one time.

Apparently she was a little doll for him all day. She obviously didn't feel well so she was a bit more whiny than usual, but she napped well and cuddled with him so all in all they had a good day.

Today was my day.

The little slept til nine and so did her Mama. Thank goodness we slept that long because that was the last shut eye she would get that day.

We had eggs for breakfast and watched some tv together. After a while, we moved to her room to get dressed and play with blocks and her stuffed animals. About eleven thirty, she started rubbing her eyes and I put her down for a nap.

Three hours later and multiple screams including her following me to the bathroom screaming "Mama! Mama!", I admitted defeat and decided we would head out to check out the new splash pad here in town.

A friend (yes, you read that right! I have a friend in this town finally!!) works at the Y a few hours a week and she was working today, so we rode up there to check it all out.


We were there a grand total of about five minutes before some little girl came up to BG and wanted to walk around with her. They walked hand in hand for a few minutes before I realized that the little girl was quickly walking BG into the 2ft deep section. I made it to the pool just as my child went under. Thank goodness I have a water baby because she was up and storming out in two seconds. She was NOT impressed. Needless to say we headed to the opposite end of the pool as the obnoxious little girl.

BG wasn't in the best mood (near drowning and no naps will do that to a kid), so she wasn't her typical happy go lucky self, but it didn't take long for her to take off running and own that splash pad. She especially liked standing over the jets of water and making them spray me in the face. Super fun right?

We stayed out there for a while. The way it's set up, you kind of have to go in if you have a child BG's age and this girl did not dress for that. Fail. So BG had to kind of stick near the edge. Thankfully she was sort of tame today or I would have been soaked from going in after her.

I think she loved it. After about an hour, she walked to our chair, got her cup, and headed for the door. I took that as her cue that splash pad time was done son. We stopped by the front desk to talk with J (my friend) for a bit where BG entertained the staff and ate a ton of animal crackers.

Successful day no? I know where we'll be spending lots of days in the near future!