A couple of weeks ago, Mr. Perfect and I got a call from our specialist saying we had results in on some tests they had ran following Baby Girl's birth.
Per Dr. O's (our specialist) suggestion, we agreed to having BG's placenta reviewed by a pathologist to see if we could answer any lingering questions regarding my fertility issues. Dr. O was hoping that we could see how the placenta handled the pregnancy and if it would answer some remaining questions on the past miscarriages and also hopefully give us some insight to future pregnancies that we may consider.
The results were basically what we expected.
Apparently the placenta was small compared to BG's birth weight. First example of a not completely healthy one. Second, it had some areas that had started to go necrotic. That would explain why BG had stopped growing in utero and was also my worst fear. Thankfully our docs monitored her so well that that did not become an issue. The placenta showed that it was very obviously "handled with medication". A good clue to show us that this protocol would probably be needed in future pregnancies. Super fun.
There was one area that showed a problem between where BG's blood came in contact with mine. Basically (and this is high science stuff so I'm trying to explain it best I can being as how I had to have "regular people" explain it to me), it showed an area where BG had either tried to reject the nutrition that placenta was sending her, or there is a possibility that it shows where BG has picked up some malformations from me. Meaning, there is a possibility that she can have the same blood flow, cardiovascular issues I have. My issues show in my reproductive organs. We wouldn't know where hers would show.
It's all such complicated, medical jargon. Our specialist is a leading researcher in this field, so he gives us a lot of theories and possibilities. There is a possibility that she will never have an issue. There's a possibility she could have reproductive issues. There's a possibility that she could carry some of the same gene mutations I have.
I can't worry about all that right now. I'm sure that by the time all this would come in to play with her, the medical field will be ten times more advanced and she may have no issues at all. She will know my history so perhaps that will help. As of right now, she's a perfectly healthy four month old. I'm not worrying about things that can't be dealt with right now.
As for me. I still had some elevated cardiovascular levels that came back during pregnancy. I am supposed to go get a a complete work up to see where my levels are now. It's possible that the stress of the pregnancy elevated some levels and they may be normal now. That's what we're hoping for. If they are still elevated, I may be sent to a cardiologist for some work ups. Once again, all this just ties in with my blood flow system and how it basically sucks. I have started up one of my supplements because the minute after I had her and quit my meds, my headaches came back full force. So now I'm trying to control those with the supplement. I haven't started back up on the Metformin yet, as Dr. O wants to know my levels first. Other than the one supplement, I am medication free at the moment. And it feels great.
As for future pregnancies. Honestly, we are kind of closed off to any right now. Mr. Perfect and I joke a lot about how we're never doing this again, but I can't tell how much of that we are serious about it. I will say that as of right now, it is not in the cards. For me personally, (I can't speak for him as his thoughts aren't my story to tell) I am not looking forward to the protocol again. I can't even begin to imagine feeling the way I did while pregnant with BG running around. I don't think it would be fair to her to not be able to pick her up because I'm so sore and bruised from shots. To not be able to spend time with her because the meds have me so exhausted and sick that I can't see straight. Ugh. It makes me sad to even think about.
Then there is this. As devastating as our miscarriages were prior to BG, I think that going through one post her would be ten times worse. For some reason, now that I've met her and see what I have with her, losing the chance to have that again would be horrible.
Does that make sense?
Probably not. But it does to me. It's like I know now what we would be missing. Crazy I know, but that's the way my mind works.
So all that to say, plan for now is for BG to be our one and only. It's just so much to go through.
Then I think how bad I want her to have siblings. Or I see pictures of little babies on Twitter and I get a big 'ol case of the baby fever. We shall see.
Never say never.
I'm just glad we have some answers. And I'm super, super glad that all this worked and we have our girl.
10 comments:
Wow - you've been through so much! I will continue to keep you and your precious family in my prayers. I haven't even tried to get pregnant yet (quite the opposite right now), but I totally think that going through a miscarriage after having a child would be soooooo hard. I don't think you are crazy at all. My mom had two between my older sisters and me, and I think she just had to trust God through it all. Anyway, I think you have such a cute daughter so Praise God for her! There could always be the option of adopting in the future too, but God will show you His plans. Until then, I think you are so right to not worry about all of that right now and just enjoy your famil(
Praying for you hon. I am so happy for you and BG but also sad for the struggles you have faced. You seem to have a positive outlook though! My mom had miscarriages before and after me, and I worry that I may have infertility issues in the future, but my docs tell me not to worry. AND I was an only child for the first 25 years of my life and loved it, so BG will probably enjoy herself! love you and hope you have a fun weekend!
xoxo, Margaret
Goodness lady. So sorry :( Just stay positive! You are right though, you can't worry about the past or future, just the present! Just live in the present. She is a beautiful, perfect little baby. God will give you all some answers when you most need them! xoxo
Only you and your husband know what is right for your family. We have had some of the same thoughts, even though we aren't parents yet. I have chronic migraine and being off all my meds to try and get pregnant has been very trying on us both. We've given ourselves a timeline (basically, how long do I want to put up with feeling this way) and then we'll consider adoption. If we get pregnant, which we feel we owe it to ourselves to try to, we'll just have to see if my feeling like this again for a second child would be fair and/or worth it to a first child. And, of course, this is all not knowing how I'll feel at all during pregnancy.
But, you are so right to live in the now with your precious BG. She is so lucky to have you both as her parents to be so thoughtful with her health and happiness.
You have had a time haven't you! I will keep you and your family in my prayers. You are right to not worry about the future, but enjoy what you have today. You have been blessed beyond measure, and you never know what the future holds...maybe you will be content to have one, or maybe the Lord will put it in your heart to have more. It is in his hands, and I know you will be able to handle anything thrown at you. You are one strong lady and one to be admired! :) Love you friend!
I also want to say I am so sorry for the struggles you have had. I wish that I could take away all that hurt that you have dealt with. Infertility issues are so tough and I can only imagine what you have been through. You are such a beautiful person inside and out. I just don't even know the words to say, but I am here for you anytime you need me! :)
I'm so sorry for all the struggles you have been through! I'm sure time will tell whether BG is your only or oldest, but you seem to have a great attitude about it either way. That's wonderful that she is so healthy. I hope all your health problems can be under control!
You are so strong and brave for all you have been through. I can't imagine what it was to write everything down like that--I admire you!! And I admire your attitude of taking it as it is today, and not thinking ahead or behind. Wish I was more like that!!
I think this issue is also what has me all worried about not finding "the one" anytime soon. All I've ever wanted is marriage and children, and I get scared about it. I have endometriosis, and as you know that affects fertility. I get all paranoid that the older I get, the even harder it'll get, but I don't have much choice in the timing of it, obviously!! :)
Wow, yall have been through so much! I'm so glad you have your beautiful little Girl. God knows! :)
Well thinking of another is a bigger responsibility than getting pregnant the first time. Now you have two to care for.
10 years ago, I got pregnant- I was 24 years old. First time for intmacy, and the condom broke. Go figure..... nextthing up, 7 tests of negatives later and two blood tests to confirm pregnancy....
I lost my baby at 16 weeks and 1 day. I morn the day my baby was due and I also morn the day I lost my baby.
Would I try to do this again. No, I cant handle the pain. I would rather adopt a small bundle of joy and love him/her because HIS/HERS parents couldnt love them like they should- and give this child "who is wanted" a great start of life.
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