I'm not going to lie; I tend to get a bit depressed during the holiday season.
Sometimes those feel good Christmas carols send me into a crying fit. Sometimes the Christmas movies make my heart ache for hours. Even the sermons at church during this time can leave me feeling empty.
I'm just being honest.
I put a lot of pressure on Christmas.
Last year I about ran my almost 7 months pregnant behind ragged trying to do everything I could to make Christmas perfect. I feel the need to buy the perfect gifts, make perfect cookies (which never happens), spend perfect time with family, be at every church service and Christmas activity possible, etc.
In all that business and trying to force myself to have the perfect holiday season, I lose the true meaning of Christmas.
I told myself that wasn't going to happen this year.
I was going to enjoy Christmas with my new baby girl in our home and sit by the fire and watch Christmas movies and decorate and just be.
But then Mr. Perfect lost his job and we moved to a town where we know no one and all our friends are hours away and our church that we loved is no longer ten minutes away. And we aren't in our own home. We're in an apartment with really noisy people living above us.
I find myself stressed to the max again. Those Christmas carols are making me cry. The Christmas movies are leaving me feeling empty and making me miss home so much it hurts. I can't find the perfect gifts and the ones I have found, we plain can't afford right now because of the whole two house situation.
I have completely let the real reason for the season get lost again.
I need to slow down. I don't want to raise my daughter to think this season is about the hunt for the perfect gift. I don't want her thinking she needs multiple packages under the tree to have a successful Christmas. I don't want her thinking she needs to cram the holidays full of activities to make it complete.
I want her to know that this time of year is to celebrate the birth of our Lord.
I don't need a home with a fire going in the fireplace, or fifty friends around, or tons of presents under the tree in order to do that.
I just need Him.
Sometimes I need a swift reminder to chill out and refocus. I need to get my heart right and back in the real spirit of Christmas.
I think I'll go snuggle with my girl now.