Thursday, December 9, 2010

the reason for the season.

I'm not going to lie; I tend to get a bit depressed during the holiday season.

Sometimes those feel good Christmas carols send me into a crying fit. Sometimes the Christmas movies make my heart ache for hours. Even the sermons at church during this time can leave me feeling empty.

I'm just being honest.

I put a lot of pressure on Christmas.

A lot.

Last year I about ran my almost 7 months pregnant behind ragged trying to do everything I could to make Christmas perfect. I feel the need to buy the perfect gifts, make perfect cookies (which never happens), spend perfect time with family, be at every church service and Christmas activity possible, etc.

In all that business and trying to force myself to have the perfect holiday season, I lose the true meaning of Christmas.

I told myself that wasn't going to happen this year.

I was going to enjoy Christmas with my new baby girl in our home and sit by the fire and watch Christmas movies and decorate and just be.

But then Mr. Perfect lost his job and we moved to a town where we know no one and all our friends are hours away and our church that we loved is no longer ten minutes away. And we aren't in our own home. We're in an apartment with really noisy people living above us.

Sigh.

I find myself stressed to the max again. Those Christmas carols are making me cry. The Christmas movies are leaving me feeling empty and making me miss home so much it hurts. I can't find the perfect gifts and the ones I have found, we plain can't afford right now because of the whole two house situation.

I have completely let the real reason for the season get lost again.

I need to slow down. I don't want to raise my daughter to think this season is about the hunt for the perfect gift. I don't want her thinking she needs multiple packages under the tree to have a successful Christmas. I don't want her thinking she needs to cram the holidays full of activities to make it complete.

I want her to know that this time of year is to celebrate the birth of our Lord.

That's it.

I don't need a home with a fire going in the fireplace, or fifty friends around, or tons of presents under the tree in order to do that.

I just need Him.

Sometimes I need a swift reminder to chill out and refocus. I need to get my heart right and back in the real spirit of Christmas.

I think I'll go snuggle with my girl now.

8 comments:

emily said...

I know what you mean about missing home, and it is so easy to struggle around this time of year. Hope you are able to destress and enjoy the rest of the season with your hubs and beautiful little girl!

Lauren said...

Oh, hang in there girl. I think this is something we ALL struggle with this time of year!!! Love ya!!! :)

the complex blog said...

My heart goes out your family, easier said than done, (keep your eyes on the cross).

Sunshinemeg said...

I feel ya sister. Homesickness does strick this time of year. Keep that head up though. You have a beautiful family. Just go one day at a time. Keep on breathing...

Brown Girl said...

Awe, I'm sorry you're feeling so down. You have a gorgeous daughter and a great husband, keep your chin up! And nice blog friends who care about you! ;)

A.B. said...

MOving is hard. And lonely. Christmas time is totally the worst time to move and feel that way.
What a special time though--to get to spend the holidays with BG and hubby. You'll never forget this year, and it's her FIRST. Gifts don't matter much, but I also try to find the perfect ones (pictures of our little ones, of course!)
Blessings to you.
Bless the Lord, Oh my soul, and all that is within me bless God's holy, bless God's wonderful name.

Naturally Caffeinated Family said...

sending you big hugs, friend! I know how you feel!

and I just did the whole perfect gift and and and thing when we had our family night holiday celebration with my fam when we were visiting them in AZ, I/we spent so much time getting the perfect gifts, and then wrapping, we were late, and I felt so bad that we missed out on some time with them. stupid stupid! :)

But we'll keep you as much company as we can from across the states, and I hope that y'all have a relaxing wonderful holiday in His name :) and we'll try to do the same thing (thanks for the reminder ;))

Virginia Belle said...

I can't imagine dealing with all you have going on right now: the move, new jobs, etc. during this time of year. The holidays are stressful and pressure-filled enough without other life stresses going on. I'm thinking about you guys and kudos to you for keeping the real reason for the season in mind :)

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