Monday, March 28, 2011

and then there were....


Or three?

Or will it stay at one?

One of the questions that I LOATHED before BG came along was "when are you guys going to have kids?". I feel like if you're married for more than, oh, half a second, you're going to start getting that question. It was a knife in my heart when someone asked at a New Year party one year that very question, two days after I had had a D & C.

Knife in chest.

I didn't feel like I would hate any question more than that.

But I do.

Once BG got to about six months old, I started getting the "have you guys thought about when you'll have another one?" question.

Good times.

Now I don't mind discussing this with my friends. Or with you guys. Or with my family.

But.. the old lady behind me in TJ Maxx???

How do you answer "well it took us years to get her and we lost four babies and I'm terrified of not being able to get pregnant again and if I do get pregnant, I don't know if I can handle another loss and we don't live in the same town as my RE anymore and I'm just plain scared..." to that lady??

I always wanted a big family. I wanted at least four children.

Crazy talk.

Of course that was before, back when I thought having babies was easy. And that statement has nothing to do with raising them. Now? I am really, really good with one.

I feel so, so blessed to have her. And if she's the only one we ever have, well, that's fine. She's already more than I deserve.

However, we are not completely closed off to having more. Just not now. We aren't there yet.

Maybe we won't ever get there. I don't know. Somehow I doubt that because I already miss the newborn stage something fierce (well the non crying part), but we shall see.

I fully expect to get that question more and more as BG gets ready to turn one. For now, I'll stick with my standard laugh and "I'm good right now". Because..

I'm good right now.


Emily said...

I am so glad you shared! Ella is such a HUGE blessing from above! Yay for little miracles! It is really no ones business but you and your husband.. people are so stinking nosey sometimes!! love ya!!

Christi said...

Hugs to you. Having gone through losses I can relate to the fears. We were finally blessed with having 3 kids though a 4th would be well-loved...and everybody has to comment about how they were perfectly spaced and that 3 is enough. My heart doesn't agree so many days, but I'll take what I can get.

Good luck to you.

Lindsey said...

Wow, I didn't realize you had such a hard time getting pregnant. I hate that question too! Around here, babies come in lots of numbers and fast in between. I am sure I will be looked at as crazy when Connor will be at least 3 before another one comes along. Crazy? But just fine for our family.

Ashley Paige said...

"she's already more than I deserve." Oh, Mama.. I know. I know. I KNOW. love you, love BG.. I feel incredibly blessed to have my perfect little Carter.. Every day I feel like "this is enough. I don't deserve more than him!" He may have other plans for us.. Who knows!! Yay for someone's birthday week!!!! XoXo

A.B. said...

Girl, I might lose it if she asked me that. I get asked that all of the time and I"m all... as soon as I have a full night of sleep? I don't know.

That was my HUGE complaint at work pre baby-G. I mean, it's such a presumptuous question. Apparently, it's not as easy as they made it out to be in HS...

A.B. said...

and BG is sooooooooooooooooo cute and perfect and I thought she looked like you, until I witnessed the baby pics...

Jen Watts said...

I'm good right now is a wonderful answer! I was so terrified of carrying Carsyn to term that I honestly didn't enjoy my pregnancy. I really miss the newborn phase, but just can't imagine having another. Time will tell, I'm relieved that other mommies feel the same way.

Beach Bum & Baby said...

Such a great post hun. My heart hearts for you hearing about the loss, I'm so sorry.

And I know what you mean, I also get asked all the time (BY STRANGERS and worse, neighbors - ugh) when the next one is coming. And while I miss the newborn snuggles as well. We are so NOT there yet. :)

Jenny @ Practically Perfect... said...

There's nothing wrong with being happy and content with where you're at :-) Can you believe we've already started getting questions about whether or not baby boy will be our only one?! He's not even here yet!

Virginia Belle said...

Some people are just too nosey for their own good! Less than 6 months into our marriage I started getting the question and a year later it is about to drive me crazy! You will know when we're ready to have children when we have them...geez!

Enough of my ranting...I am so happy to hear you are content with your one beautiful baby girl. No need to rush into more children when you are so happy with what you have right now. Great honest post!

Michelle said...

It took us a long time to decide we were ready to start trying again. The first time, I got pregnant with clomid at my OBs office. The second time we had to see an RE and it was really painful to walk into the FERTILITY CLINIC. With the help of Femara & fsg we got pregnant after many many painful months of trying. I have to say, I can't ever go through it again. This last time was really emotionally trying and I had a lot of complications.

It took a long time and a lot of soul searching to figure it all out. #2 is due in July & while we're completely ecstatic about it, it's been a painful road that isn't easily forgotten.

Carolyn said...

I feel your pain! I didn't have multiple miscarriages like you but it did take us over a year to conceive our little one, during which time I spent a lot of time thinking about what our life would be like if it turned out we couldn't have a child. It certainly makes you realize that having a child is never a given. Now that our little one is almost two we get a lot of questions about whether or not we'll have another which leads me to wonder whether it'll take another year to get pregnant (if we're lucky enough to get pregnant at all), whether we can even afford another (we both need to work), and whether I’m up for two. So many things to think about…and everytime somebody asks that question it causes me to go in a bit of a tailspin!

Meant to be a mom said...

Oh wow, this is the perfect example of why you don't pry into strangers lives. That is a personal question in my opinion. I guess if they ask again just say "We aren't quite sure right now, just enjoying our little one right now".
I have people randomly make comments about the fact that I'm pregnant with my second with a 1-1/2 year old son. If only they knew how much we went through to get him in our lives and that this baby is a true miracle and shocker to us. But there is no way on earth that I'm going to tell strangers all about our past. Like you said. Come on people.

Annie said...

i always thought i wanted 4 as well!! now i'm not so sure ;)
sorry you keep getting asked hun. you and your hubs will know when the time is right.

Erica said...

I didn't realize all you had gone through! I'm so happy you have your little girl. My sister lost her first baby last summer and is going through IF treatments again now, and sometimes the things people say to her make me want to CHOKE them. They have no idea.

I like your attitude about it all though. :)

Newlywed Next Door said...

Personally I think only children are the BEST! YAY for ONE! :)

I wish people would not ask others about their reproduction plans! Esp. strangers. Jeeeez people.

Lucy Marie said...

Please just have NO clue sometimes. I was in university when we got married so at least I always had the fall back "we'll think about it once I'm done school" .. but I just don't get why people can't shut their mouths? Asking when people (especially strangers) are going to have kids/more kids is just not a question that should be allowed.

Lucy Marie said...

Please just have NO clue sometimes. I was in university when we got married so at least I always had the fall back "we'll think about it once I'm done school" .. but I just don't get why people can't shut their mouths? Asking when people (especially strangers) are going to have kids/more kids is just not a question that should be allowed.

d.a.r. said...

There is nothing wrong with just being CONTENT with your life and your precious little family!

You guys took a long hard road to have this beautiful blessing. Cherish it all. You will know when it is time (if it is time) to add to that miracle.

Everyone else can just butt out :)


Blog Widget by LinkWithin