Thursday, October 20, 2011

number 2

I am obsessed with thoughts of number two. I cannot tell a lie.

I am talking about the second child y'all. I hope we're all on the same page.

Back when I was pregnant with BG, there were a number of pregnant bloggers with me (hi y'all!!), as well as a few coworkers and some dear friends. It was a total blast to go through pregnancy with all of them.

Now most of them are on number two and let me admit; I am so not there yet.

Truth?

I'm not sure I ever will be.

I think about having a second child daily, if not multiple times a day. When I pack up clothes that BG has outgrown, I put them aside for the "next one". I haven't gotten rid of baby gear and I sometimes plan out nurseries in my head.

But....

I am not one hundred percent sure that I ever see a second kid in our lives.

Amy posted a blog today that really got me thinking. In the video on her blog, a lady was basically saying how her first child was her favorite and in a way, she felt her second kid took away from her first. While I personally think that lady is crazy cakes, I also get it.

I do think there's something special about a first child. There's so much anticipation and the focus is all on that pregnancy. More than likely there are multiple showers and tons of new clothes. Not so much with the second one. So I guess actually, the first pregnancy is what is so special.

Do I make sense?

At this point in my life, I can't even imagine dividing attention between two children. Does that make me a bad parent? No. Does that make Moms with multiple children better mothers? Absolutely not.

I think if that mother in that video had given as much thought to number two that I do, perhaps she wouldn't be on Anderson Cooper talking about her preference for the first one. I just hope that second kid never sees that video.

As of right now, I am perfectly content with BG. And just BG. I want her to have the world and currently, I have no desire to have to divide between two (or more) kids. I heard of a friend with an IUD that ended up pregnant (scary!) and I panicked thinking "oh gosh what if that were me?!?". If that doesn't say I'm not ready for number two, then I don't know what does.

Am I dead set on never having another? No. If I were, I'd get rid of the baby stuff. I want BG to have a sibling one day. I think. See, so not ready. Will it be disastrous if we don't have another one? No.

Currently this little dynamic of three that we have going on is my idea of perfection. I cannot see it changing. I can't even imagine another kiddo in the mix. Only the Big Man upstairs knows if that will change. But right now, I can say that she's my favorite. For now.

16 comments:

Ashley said...

oh thank goodness! Finally someone who feels the same way I do! I am constantly hounded by people asking me when we're having another one ( my son just turned 2), and surrouned by people that are pregnant with or have delivered their 2nd, and sometimes their first are even younger than mine. I almost feel like I'm defective or something, because NOBODY I know is like me! If it were to happen, sure I'd be fine with that, but I'm also fine with only having 1!!!!

Kara said...

These are precious thoughts! I haven't put it on my blog yet, but I am actually expecting #2 in June and can see how you feel the way you do, for real! I think I am ready though...I know a lot of moms with just one. You know before I had her, everyone asked when I was going to have a baby. Then after I had her, they asked when I was going to have another baby. I suppose it never ends.

Becca said...

I love this post - but when I saw the title I totally thought you were going to say you're pregnant :-)

Amy @ Forever 29 said...

Glad I could give a little blog inspiration today! Expanding your family if it's your first child or your 15th child should always be a serious, heartfelt and prayerful decision. You are an awesome mommy to BG and y'all will do what is best and right for your family!

Shannon Dew said...

Girl I am right there with you. Kendall is most likely going to be an only child. I cannot fathom the thought of a second, can't do it. J and I have talked numerous times about IF we had another and neither of us are feeling it.

Carrie said...

I just had to say, how tiny have you gotten! WOW! We are on the TTC train for baby number 2. I am not sure its the right time but guess we will see!

Maria said...

I feel you girl! It's so nice to devote your time to one little person who already has your whole heart. My husband and I would like to have more but every time I look at my son I think he'll always be my favorite; how can I love someone else like this?! Silly, I know. Plus when he wakes us up multiple times at night, I think, NEVER AGAIN!! Ha ;) Like you said, only the Man knows our future. Great post!

Laura @ My Thoughts-Uninterrupted said...

I always tell Ethan that he's my favorite...quickly followed by favorite first born. Haha. It's okay to be happy where you are although you are just asking for God to throw you a curve ball with this post! I kid, I kid....sort of :) We are planning on #2 shortly, but I won't let myself put too much thought into how many kinks #2 will throw in our lives that I've finally just gotten straightened out from #1. Oh well!

Heather said...

Great post! Our daughter was 8 years old before our twin boys came along and I'm so glad sometimes that we had so much time with just the three of us, even though I spent a lot of time on infertility treatments during that 8 years.

Sometimes I do feel frustrated that with the boys a bit over two years they take me away from fully paying attention to our daughter. I do love them all so much though. I do remember being pregnant and not imagining how I could love anyone as much as her. I still love her, but because she is her and I love the boys differently. I love Tommy because he is so happy and independent and a sweet cuddly teddy bear. I love Liam because he's so serious, such a mini-me and loves to be carried around. They are all so different and I love them each for who they are and their place in our lives.

Enjoy your family of three!

Jenny @ Practically Perfect... said...

Can you believe that people are already asking us if/when we'll have another? Joe is only 4 months old, for cryin' out loud!

I think it's great that you've thought about this and that you've considered things enough to know that you're happy with where you are now, 2nd baby or not. Like you said, that may change, but there's nothing wrong with knowing who you are, what works for you and your family, and what makes all of you happy :-)

And yes, that woman on the video is crazy. Who says stuff like that?!

Mandy said...

LOVE this post. Doesn't it seem like the decision to try for a first is way easier than for another? Let me tell you, two kids is rough. I do feel like I am constantly dividing my time, attention, and energy between the two girls. Though I have to say my love for them never feels divided!

I do hope that they second child of that woman never sees that video. As a second child myslef that would just wreck me

Maydelin said...

that's is a normal felling when you have a only child, you think "how i gonna love some other kid like a love her?? is impossible", and when you get pregnant with your second, you fell guilty, because you think that now your first child have to share you, and now she is no the only one... that is so normal... but I think that now you are taking a smart decision for you family, BG is too little for have a sibling, enjoy her, play with her all the time, and when she is ready and you are ready think in a second child!

Jennifer said...

i was ready for number two something crazy like 3 months after i had firefly. while i really want to experience every step in his first years with no other distractions, i do know that i want a full house (3 or 4). that being said, i'm kind of used to my body not being my own through pregnancy and breastfeeding and i'd rather get it all done sooner rather than later so my body can be mine again, then i can stop worrying about what i'm eating, how much i'm eating, if i've had to much caffeine and what not.

Andrea said...

Hi there! I'm a new follower of your blog! I love this post. I have an 8 month old baby girl and I'm nowhere near ready to have another, but I know that I eventually will {if that is God's plan of course}. I always wanted multiple children and before I had Gracie I wondered if I could love them all equally. This sounds silly, but I wondered if I could love her as much as I loved my dog!! I just feel that every child is such a huge blessing and when the time comes and if God places another baby in your life, he will equally expand your heart for him/her!!

wallacefamilyblog said...

I could not agree more with you! Im another one who thinks about #2 a lot but is not quite ready for another baby-maybe one day but not now. Glad to know Im not the only one:)

Legallyblondemel said...

Oh, yes - I'm pretty much in that same boat. Thinking about Possible #2 often, but at the same time wondering how on Earth I could manage another - assuming I want to. I say a family of 3 is just great - but it's also terrific if y'all change your mind at some point too.

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