(almost) wordless wednesday

A few weeks ago, I got the husband the kiddo all dolled up and coerced the two of them out to a local park to attempt a few family pictures. I was bound and determined to get at least one good family shot to use for our Christmas cards.

I really, really need a remote for my camera because it's actually not too easy to do the run and shuffle with the self timer while still managing to appear composed for pictures. Fun.

But we did it. And with minimal complaining by my people. Also, we managed to score a pretty decent shot (if I do say so myself) for our cards. Which I'm not posting just yet. That will have to wait. But here's a few others from the "shoot". Good grief I love my people.

my story.

Last week when I saw that Becky was going to be hosting this event, I got all excited and started to plan out what I would write. But it all kept feeling "blah" and I decided not to write at all. I love to share my heart on here, but right now there is so much going on that I feel all sorts of censored and I hate it. I feel like my heart isn't showing lately and that blows, because that's why I blog.

So today I'm heading back to the basics a bit. A big 'ol "about me" if you will. A way for me to share my heart and also introduce myself to a few of you new faces around here. And possibly tell you faithfuls a few things you didn't know.

I am sinner saved by Grace. Which sounds totally cliche but honestly, is the root of everything I am.

I'm a former wild child that even now has to focus on not drowning her problems with a good glass bottle of wine. I'm a woman that struggles daily with sins of her past and things that happened that I didn't deserve. I'm a control freak with anxiety issues who struggles every single second of the day with patience and not expecting too much out of the ones I love. I struggle with anger and have my whole entire life.

Not what you'd expect from a Mommy blogger huh?

It took me years to recognize that I was heading down a dangerous path. That what I thought was typical "college fun", was actually a gateway to a dark underground that I quickly found myself entangled in. The things I saw haunted me for years and if I'm totally honest, still make their way back with certain sounds and smells.

Marriage came quickly for me after meeting the love of my life, but the girl he married was a mess and marriage didn't fix her. I thank God that he sent me the man He did because anyone else would have been gone years ago.

Infertility was something I never even gave a second thought to but I quickly found myself as "one of those women" that was at weekly blood draws and shooting herself up daily with meds only to have her heart ripped out over and over again when the image on the ultrasound screen was no longer moving.

My heart was wrecked time and time again and I didn't know how to deal with it. I hurt everyone I loved because I didn't know how to express what was happening to me on the inside; I was literally dying inside. Every core of my being hurt.

I was raised in a Christian home and I've always known God but it wasn't til I hit rock bottom at the end of 2008 that I consciously gave my life to Him. I sobbed in the shower as I begged Him to forgive me for who I had become and I needed Him so, so bad. I also begged Him to watch over the life inside of me. Which He did. And then He brought it home to Him a few weeks later.

But something changed in me that day in the shower. I no longer had to do life alone. I now had the biggest Helper anyone could have.

In 2008, I found a few blogs that I started reading at work. And I decided to start my own. I didn't know what to say or how much to say because it was all so new. I had just, literally, hit rock bottom the week before I started my blog. I was in a dark, dark place the first few posts but you would never, ever know it.

I use this blog as a journal, but I also use it just to talk. To talk about what I've been through. To talk about what I'm going through. To talk about the One who carries me through it. So much of the time, I sit here and I think I have nothing in common with so many of the Mommy bloggers out there. They seem to have it all together and it seems as if they've never had a hard day in their lives.

Then I realized that with all the pretty pictures and the gushing of "I love my life!" that I do so often over here, y'all might think that about me. And that's so not true. That's not my story.

I love my life now, yes. And my life is amazing to me, but every single day is hard. We're in recovery mode after two big job changes and two big moves in two and a half years. We miss home, we miss our friends, we miss our old life. I struggle daily with what His plan is for me. I still struggle with anxiety, lack of patience, anger, and fear. I feel like my life is a big standstill while we wait to see what He has in store next.

I'm a sinner saved by Grace.

Because of that, I have a constant hope that even though things are hard right now, they are all working for a greater plan. That will blow what I thought I wanted out of the water with how great it will be.

I don't have it all together. I don't pretend to. I'm not always a perfect wife or a good mother. I blog because it is good for me. Because some of the other Mommy bloggers out there have become my dearest friends. Because I love the connections this blog has afforded me.

I also blog for the emails I get from women saying "thank you". For baring my heart. For being honest. And for keeping it real.

That's my story. It's not very pretty, but it's made me who I am. And I'm totally okay with who I am.

this holiday season, what do you really want?

It's that time of year again. The "most wonderful time of the year".

 Every single year about this time, I write a post about how I just want to chill out and enjoy this time of the year. I make promises to myself that I'm just going to soak it all in and not stress and focus on the true meaning of the season. And then the day after Thanksgiving rolls around and I have seven shopping windows open on my computer and multiple lists strewn around and a running commentary in my head of who needs what this year and then, I can't breathe.

continue reading....

project 365: week 46

WEEK 46
Sunday, November 18th: Another day, another babywearing ensemble.
Monday, November 19th: I'm not usually a bows on my outfit kind of girl, but this sweater makes me smile big time. Bows on the elbows and all.
Tuesday, November 20th: Working on our letters. Girlfriend is a pro.
Wednesday, November 21st: A little Daddy/daughter dress up time after work. He is such a good sport.
Thursday, November 22nd: My little sous chef helping prepare Thanksgiving dinner.
Friday, November 23rd: Thanksgiving leftovers for the win. Even this kid will eat them. That's huge.
Saturday, November 24th: All dressed up and ready to go Christmas tree shopping!

because i'm thankful.

I sort of can't believe it's already Thanksgiving. This year has gone by at warp speed. So much so, that Thanksgiving even managed to creep up on me. I cannot even believe it's tomorrow. Good thing I've had BG's outfit picked for weeks. Priorities ;)

Kidding.

This has been a bit of a rough few months but I still have so, so much to be thankful for and it wouldn't be Thanksgiving if I didn't sit down for a few minutes and just give a bit of thanks. So what am I thankful for? well that's easy.

-For my husband, who takes a licking and keeps on ticking. For real. He is the perfect head of our household who takes his job seriously and leads his family by faith. He's a gem folks.

-For BG who is without a doubt, my favorite little girl on the planet. She makes me smile so much and love so hard I can hardly handle it. She is my miracle and I will never stop thanking God for her.

-For a God who provides. Always.

-For a roof over my head, food in the bellies of my family, and clothes on our back.

-For family. Both near and far, that go above and beyond to support my family and to love us.

-For jobs; in a crazy economy, we have work. That's huge.

-For my sweet niece and the opportunity to live a little closer and watch her grow up.

-For friends. I've got amazing friends and even if we don't live close, things don't miss a beat. They are the most supportive people on the planet and I couldn't be more thankful if I tried.

-For new friendships that make changes a little easier to handle.

-For this blog. For the friendships that this little space has brought me over the past four years. I adore you girls so, so much.

-And finally, for running which clears my head and for the body that is trying to let me keep at it. I'm thankful that I still have the ability to get out there even if it doesn't happen enough.

-Oh. And I'm thankful for chocolate and beer and wine. Just keeping it real people. There is little to nothing that is a better stress reliever.

Enjoy the day with your families. Soak it in. And try not to eat too much.

Oh heck. Eat it all. Calories don't count on holidays. Love.

patch #3. for real.

One of the greatest things about living where we live now has been living a bit closer to my brother and his family. I think I've said it before, and I'm sure I'll say it again, but I'm loving the fact that BG and her cousin now live close enough to each other that they get to do a bit of life together. It's pretty awesome.

Doing life together also includes getting to do those "we're parents now so this is basically required of us" things like pumpkin patches in October and tree farms in December. So last month, a pumpkin patch trip was made.

And it was good.

Unfortunately we went the day that Sandy was passing by so the wind was out of control and the sun was basically nonexistent. But the patch was still open so we went.

There was a cow train (a running one!), a hay ride (super windy for sure), a two hour stint in a corn maze (in which Baby A slept and BG rode- lucky), games, and a ton more. It was a total blast.

*a plumber's crack, a sleeping babe, and a corn trail to get our lost tails out of there is what a good trip is made of..*
So much fun. Even though a fight almost broke out over cornhole (seriously the brother and I might be ridiculous competitive) and the girls wanted nothing to do with a photo op (only smiles were the work of crawling on the ground Aunt Kiki), it was a win.

Though going to the pumpkin patch three times in one month has BG all confused as to why we haven't been to one lately. Try explaining it will be another year for that trip to a toddler... Fun.

bring on the quirky.

BG is a little over two and a half years old now (hold me) and it is such an intense age.

Intense because it is filled with major highs and lows and both of them are such extremes that sometimes I feel like I'm on a crazy rollercoaster ride with no end in sight. She's a full blown little person now with her own ideas and her own thoughts and, help us all, her own attitude and personality.

And what an attitude and personality she has.

She has a current obsession with her baby dolls. One in particular. It goes everywhere with her. She's the baby's Mama, her doctor, her friend; everything. The other day she proudly told the man fixing our oven that she was "a doctor" and that she was giving her baby her medicine so that she could feel better.

This quickly lead to a conversation between the two of them about what a good doctor she was and all the other things you say in this situation when talking to a toddler.

He didn't belittle her, he didn't correct her (she's not really a doctor y'all..), he just listened to her and accepted what she was telling him. He encouraged her actually, by telling her that he bet she would always be a doctor and she loved that.

BG also likes to roar (thank you Baby Jaguar) and she does it at some less than desirable times. The other day, she turned to the teenage boy behind us in line at the store and let out this growl that she was clearly proud of. The boy, clearly taken aback, just looked back at her puzzled, and then smiled.

"You make a pretty good lion" he told her.

"No. I'm a jaguar. A baby jaguar." she piped back.

"Well you make an awesome baby jaguar" he told her and smiled.

I smiled at the boy and tried to give him one of those looks, you know, the ones that say "she's two, I'm sorry", but I couldn't. Because he wasn't looking at us anymore. He was looking around at everything else in the store as if he hadn't been growled at just two seconds before.

He wasn't shaking his head at the oddity of a roaring child, he wasn't correcting her and telling her she was just a little girl. He had moved on. He had accepted what she said and moved on.

It got me thinking yesterday, when these guys are this age, we are so accepting of what they do and who they are. We laugh at their quirks and we encourage their individuality. I adore the fact that BG wants to wear eighteen different patterns in one outfit and when she manages to get out in public like that, people love it. They laugh with her and not at her when she does something silly. It's pretty awesome.

It's odd though, because if a teenage boy had roared at that other boy, he would've gotten a weird look and a mutter under the breath for sure. At the least. And while I'm not saying teenage boys should go around roaring (people should learn some self control...), I am saying that it kind of stinks that the uniqueness praised as a toddler, becomes a "bad thing" when you're older.

Sometimes. Obviously not always.

I'm pretty sure that someday, if BG decides to wear eighteen prints in one outfit, she will be made fun of. If she breaks into a dance in the grocery store aisle (which she has been known to do) when she's sixteen, girls will probably snicker at her. If she roars as a twelve year old, people will probably wonder "what's wrong with that kid?".

And that y'all, absolutely sucks?

I spend a lot of time encouraging BG's random dance parties. I like letting her pick out her own clothes. I encourage the wild little ideas she comes up with (which is why she's been rocking a baby in a sling for two days), I constantly laugh at her jokes, and I always tell her how special she is. And how funny. And how smart.

Because I want her to know that she is amazing just the way she is. I want her to know that she was custom made by God. That He designed her to a T. That everything about her was picked out for a purpose.

I wish I could always keep her like she is now. As innocent as she is now. I wish she would always be blind to color. That she would ask about the things that make people different, but then just accept them for that and include them anyway. That she wouldn't care if the boy next to her has Downs Syndrome or is in a wheelchair, but only cared if he made her laugh or had a good conversation with her.

I wonder at what point we quit looking at people as "that's just who they are" and start seeing them as "that's so weird, why are they like that?". I hate it.

So as her Mom, I'll encourage her quirky little habits. Because they make her who she is and she absolutely rocks. And I guess I'll deal with it later when she's picked on or what not. Because I never want to tell her to change for other people. Just as I never want her to expect someone to change for her.

We will work on the roaring at the random people though. I don't want people thinking she's rabid. ;)

p 365: week 45 & 46

WEEK 45
Sunday, November 4th: BG decided she needed to read her babies a story before nap time. So she picked out Field & Stream. She is her father's daughter.
Monday, November 5th: BG and I did our civic duty and voted.
Tuesday, November 6th: Civic duty x 3 = done!
Wednesday, November 7th: BG and I fixing her baby's arm. For the 100th time.
Thursday, November 8th: BG and her bff E involved in a full out bear hug. Those girls love each other so much.
Friday, November 9th: Wine and Skip-bo on a Friday night. Mr. P and I party animals I tell ya.
Saturday, November 10th: Playing around in Mr. P's uncle's old fire boots. She could hardly walk!

WEEK 46
Sunday, November 11th: I cheated. This is from the 10th. But I just love this one of me and my girl and this is all I've got so.. that's that.
Monday, November 12th: Headed to check out potential new schools!
Tuesday, November 13th: Traffic at Chickfila. Typical.
Wednesday, November 14th: I'm so thankful that BG has the type of Dad who while trying to get out the door to get to work, still took the time to sit down with her when she asked him to for "just one minute". Love them so.
Thursday, November 15th: Making up a new game.
Friday, November 16th: My little babywearing hippie. I absolutely love this.
Saturday, November 17th: BG and sweet L at Target yesterday. So thankful we have friends to make even a routine Target trip an adventure!

Santa Paws2: The Santa Pups Giveaway!

It's no secret that my kid is an animal lover. Her favorite movies always include animals which she wants to watch over and over and over and...

You get the point.

So when I was given the chance to review Santa Paws 2: The Santa Pups, I was all over it. Truth be told, I was going to watch it with Mr. P and save it for BG for Christmas, but when it got here, she saw the cover and that's all she wrote. "Doggy movie!!" was squealed with excitement and I barely wrestled it out of her hands before she disappeared with it. So we watched it.

The gist of the movie is four Santa pups are born and quickly cause all kinds of trouble in the Christmas Village. They want to prove they're responsible so they get the idea to start granting Christmas wishes. Unfortunately that backfires and Mrs. Claus and the pups have to work quickly to save Christmas. I'll let you watch and see if they do. ;)

It's a very cute movie and BG loved the puppies. In fact I'm pretty sure she has now decided that Santa will be bringing her one of them for Christmas. Whoops.

The best part is, you can win one of the Santa Paws 2: The Santa Pups Combo Pack DVD/Blue Ray for your own family! Retail value of $39.99 but one of you will get it for free!

Winner will be announced early tomorrow morning so get those entries in! Good luck!! Winner will have 24 hours to get me their information. Unfortunately if I don't hear from you by then, we'll have to announce another winner so we can get the prize pack out. Thank you!
a Rafflecopter giveaway

Legal Jazz: I was given a copy of this movie to review. All opinions are my own.

tidbits. {an update}

There's a lot going on around here these days so today you get word vomit as I try to sort out what is in my head.

We trekked back up to Anderson the other day. Mr. P had to take care of a few things so BG and I decided to tag along. While he was tied up, we drove down to BG's old school to see everyone and to my old work to say hi. Being in the school was weird. It's amazing how quickly you go from being in the thick of things to being an outsider. And I don't mean that to say that anyone was rude, quite the opposite actually as they couldn't have been more excited to see us BG, but we don't fit into the "routine" anymore and no lie; that hurt a bit.

BG was a bit shy but soon warmed up and took off to her old classroom to see her buddies. It took less than five minutes for her buddy E to pull her onto her nap mat with her for a big 'ol snuggle. The lump in my throat might have been the size of Texas. Then there was Zo. I looked down to find the two of them forehead to forehead just grinning at each other. Melt. My. Heart.

It was hard. After talking to "Miss Britme" for a bit and hearing the stories of how BG's absence has affected the other two, my heart was more than a little bit sore. Truth be told it still is. It might have been too soon for a visit. It still hurts too bad.
But it was so good to see everyone, even if for just a few minutes. And it does have me aching to go back for some quality time. Stat. We did check out BG's favorite park while we were there and then ended the day with a picnic in the car while we waited for Dad to finish up. It was a good day.

There are so many other changes happening around here and it's starting to hurt my Mama heart a little bit that the days of BG and I being together 24/7 may be coming to an end. I'll have to write more on that later as I'm still wrestling to find my peace with all this and I'm not spilling my nonsense until at least I can make sense of it. I know that so many of these changes will be good for us both, but right now things are good with her and I and I'm not ready to rock the boat.

That's not to say that everything is perfect and sunshiney days over here, but it is more good than bad which kind of rocks.

BG has a new favorite cartoon, Super Why, and now I wonder why we didn't introduce that first. It is so much less annoying than Dora.

BG is working on her colors and shapes right now and she is rocking it. I couldn't be more proud of how hard she works to get things and I love hearing her name her colors (in English and Spanish) over and over. There's not much more gratifying than being the one who is teaching my little girl at the moment. I can't get enough of watching her learn.

BG spent the night over at Granny and Grandaddy's for the first time the other night. We packed up a little over night bag and took her over after dinner. I'm pretty sure Granny was the most excited one out of the bunch. We stuck around long enough to watch the fun of BG's first bubble bath in Granny's garden tub, but then we left leaving them to fend for themselves.

One would think that having a night to ourselves we would get a little crazy, but one would be wrong. Instead we curled up with a Sons of Anarchy marathon and were in bed by 10. Good grief we are old.

BG had a grand 'ol time but was asking to go home right after breakfast. Which was fine with the two of us as we missed her. We are such parents. But we just love being around her. We were both talking about her from the minute we woke us. She just brings so much joy (and noise) to both of us.

The night away was nice though, don't get me wrong. I have no problem with there being more of those.

We took BG to check out a few schools yesterday. I wish I could say it went well but it didn't. We did like one school but it has a super long waiting list which stinks. As we were getting ready, BG got so excited about going to school and making "new friends!". This is why I have to be okay with this; she needs this. It does her little social butterfly heart so good to be surrounded by kids her own age. I'm just going to miss her. But enough about that.

So we shopped for schools. BG was less than impressed that we didn't go to "Miss Britme"'s school. We are clearly still working on the we moved fact with her.

I think we're a bit caught up. Things are a little insane around these parts as our kitchen has been torn apart for two weeks for repairs (my blood pressure can't even handle me covering that subject) and my house is a disaster, but I know things will settle down soon. Or at least they better.

Oh, and while we're updating. This here blog now has a Facebook page. Because that seemed fun and might be a better way to update every now and then. So check it out and like it please. Keep me from feeling like a total tool ;)

pumpkin patch- trip 2.

I am still not sure how I managed to make three trips to a pumpkin patch last month and I have zero pictures of the little one with a pumpkin. Riddle me that.

After our trip to the pumpkin patch with the playgroup, BG could not quit talking about how much fun we had and kept asking to go back. I knew we had a trip planned with Uncle M and Aunt Kiki at the end of the month, but she wanted to go like five minutes ago so I Googled a near by patch and off we went.

It was pretty last minute and I had no idea what to expect, but the patch was kind of awesome and not very far away. And there was so much to do. Plus? a corn maze, which we got lost in (we would get lost in a cardboard box, true story).

It took BG a grand total of five minutes to decide that traipsing through corn mazes is not her thing. We spent the rest of the time trying to cat wrangle her all the while trying to figure out how to get the heck out of dodge the maze.
"But Dad, who said this was fun?! CARRY ME!!!
We did eventually make it out. Although we went out the Entrance. Pretty sure we would still be in there if we tried to find the Exit.

BG immediately decided she had to partake in the games and the fun little sandbox full of corn (that's fun?), so off we went.
Oh wait! There was a pumpkin! Consider this my pumpkin shot for 2012.It ended up being a perfect little Sunday afternoon trip and such a great little family fun day. I think that's the reason I was able to talk Mr. P into another pumpkin patch trip the following weekend. Ha.