1 month.

Sweet boy, you are one month old! I cannot even wrap my head around that fact. Fastest month ever.

You are such a good baby. You're one of those babies that trick people into having many, many more because you are so enjoyable. You just have the best disposition.

You prefer to be held to anything else. You want to sleep being held, eat being held, you just want to snuggle. Truthfully, usually I let you do just that. Because I also really, really like to snuggle you. It's pretty much my current favorite past time.

You don't really like your swing which was your sister's favorite so that's different. You'll go in it for about ten minutes or so and then you're ready to be picked up again. Sometimes you're pretty cool to just hang out on your back and look around and you'll even tolerate tummy time. Like I said, best disposition.

You currently sleep in the rock-n-play in our room and I don't see that changing any time soon. I love you being that close. You nap on your belly in our room. We were struggling with nap time but I let you lay on your belly and it was a game changer. You only get to do this at naptime while we are awake though.

You are a champion nurser. You have never had a problem latching or anything. In fact my supply issues have really bummed me out because I've felt like I'm letting you down. That's getting better though. You are still currently nursing and taking a bottle afterwards. I've tried to get my supply up but it's not going anywhere. This works for us right now though.

You had a hard time in the first couple of weeks. We battled supply issues and you lost a good bit of weight, getting down to 6 pounds 15 ounces, so we have been supplementing with formula after every feeding. I've been trying to get my supply up, but no big change there unfortunately. Oh well, supplementing works for us right now. We'll see what happens next. I learned from your sister that there is no sense beating myself up over this. You're getting both. You're good.

At your one month appointment you were back up to 9 pounds 6 ounces and 21 1/2 inches long. You're in the 50th percentile for everything. You still have an umbilical hernia but we just have to watch that. Your sister had one too and it's closed up now. You also still have the heart murmur you were born with. We have an appointment on January 7th for an EKG. Your doctor is 99% sure it will be just a small murmur but since it hasn't closed up yet, she does want to double check things.

You like to grip our fingers and have excellent head control for a one month old. You have found the fan and love to stare at it. You like to be facing out so you can check out the world. You aren't smiling at us yet, but you have found your voice and do coo at us sometimes. It's pretty much the cutest thing ever.

You cry when you're hungry or gassy and that's about it. You HATE being naked so diaper changes, clothes changes, and baths are a nightmare right now. Hopefully you'll grow out of that soon. We went and bought you a wipe warmer which has helped diaper changes a bit, but not completely.

You are still in newborn diapers and clothes but you wear some size 1 diapers. You won't be in newborn onesies for long though. You're built like your sister with that long torso and they are starting to look a bit muscle tee-ish. You may be in newborn pants forever though with your tiny little waist and short little legs. Blame your Dad for that ;)

You are just the best little guy. I simply can't get enough. We love you Coop-a-loop. You were just what our family needed.

the birth story.

It's been just three weeks since our sweet little guy entered this world and completed our little family.

I'll admit it, by the end of my pregnancy, I was flat over it. I had in my head from the very beginning that I would be induced at 39 weeks. This was thanks to my doctor at the very beginning of my pregnancy telling me "we won't let you go past 39 weeks". So yea. But then as I got to the end, things changed, and my doctor quit talking like that.

Boo hiss.

I quit my heparin shots at just shy of 37 weeks. With Ella, she showed a decrease in growth a week and a half after I stopped. With C, he was handling the lack of heparin like a champ. But it wasn't helping my nerves to go to every appointment and just be told to "come back in a week unless you notice a decrease in movement".

At 37 weeks we had a growth scan that said the little guy was around 7 1/2 pounds. We were told that we would do another growth scan at 39 weeks if he hadn't come yet. I'm pretty sure my head spun as I heard that the doctor was going to let me go past 39 weeks. Not okay.

Now I know that it's best for the baby to stay in as long as possible. I get that. I do. And while I was very, very, VERY uncomfortable, I would have dealt with that until he was ready too. I know it's about him. But not being on meds was freaking me out and all I could see was how E dealt with the change and my biggest fear was that we would leave him in there too long and we would have a problem. A problem where we would have to do a c-section or something else quickly to get him out.

Monday the 17th I had my 39 week appointment. I told both Mr. P and my Mom before I left that I wasn't coming out of there without a plan. I think they thought I was kidding. I was not.

After being checked by the nurse, the doctor came in. He checked my cervix (still closed up like Fort Knox) and then I asked him what the plan was. He asked me if I wanted to be induced, and in typical fashion, I made a joke as an answer while he stared at me blindly. The next thing I knew he was stepping out of the room saying he had to make a call. So I sat there waiting. After a couple of minutes he poked his head back in to tell me that he was trying to get me in that night and did I have time to wait on him to make a couple of phone calls.

Umm what?!

A couple of minutes later I was leaving, but not with an appointment for the next, but instead with a registration paper stating that we were to be checked into the hospital that night. It was 10 am and I was officially starting to panic.

I sent Mr. P a text letting him know what was going on and then I ran to Target so I could pack my hospital bag. I like the pressure of a deadline. After Target, I picked E up from school to spend the afternoon with her.

No lie, I was a bit overwhelmed. I wondered what I would have done if I had known last night was Ella's last night as an only child. I feel like I missed a major moment there but it is what it is.

After a couple of hours, it was time to go. We grabbed our bags, dropped E off at my best friend's house to go hang out for a bit, headed to Wal-mart for some last minute things and then headed to the hospital.

We quickly got registered and moved upstairs. After just a bit, they came up and gave me the first dose of Cryotec to get things going. I was so nervous by this point. My prayer was just that things would move faster than they did with Ella. I made sure to mention to multiple people how fast my labor went after they broke my water with her and they said they would probably do that first thing in the morning. Things were looking up.

They came and brought me an Ambien which had the opposite effect it was supposed to on me and quickly had me wired. I could not sleep. I was awake at 10 pm when they gave me my next dose of the meds and then at 2 am they came in to tell me that my contractions were too close together to have that dose. Things were happening.

In the morning, they came in about 5 to let me know I could go ahead and take a shower if I wanted too. They kept telling me that the things I had been feeling for weeks were contractions but so far they weren't strong enough to really do much. I couldn't believe I had been walking around for weeks with legit contractions. I thought they were Braxton Hicks. Who knew?

At 6 am they came in to get an IV started. It took two nurses and three sticks but eventually they got it going and they got the Pitocin going. It wasn't long at all before my doctor came in. I somehow managed to get the one doctor at the practice that I didn't really know because I had only seen once my whole pregnancy. I wasn't sure about things but she won me over quickly when she went ahead and broke my water at only 1 cm and a +2 station.

After my water was broken, things progressed pretty quickly. I asked for my epidural pretty early because I don't do pain and the guy was in there in no time. Unfortunately, he stuck my first one in a vein so he had to pull that out and start a second one. It wasn't painful but it was pretty hard to sit that straight and that still while having so many contractions. Not fun.

Things went so quickly after my epidural. My contractions were pretty consistent but everything was pretty manageable and I was so happy things were so different from E's delivery. Unfortunately they didn't stay that way.

I started to feel this insane pain in my tailbone. It came out of nowhere and it came fast and fierce. Every single time I had a contraction, it felt like my spine was fixing to shatter. It was by far the most intense pain I ever felt. I quickly felt the intense need to push so the nurse came to check me only to find that I was at a ten but he was still at a +2 station.

The pain was so bad that the anesthesiologist came back twice to up my epidural. It didn't touch it. I ended up with legs so numb that even after my delivery, the anesthesiologist was still in my room even going so far as to hold a leg up for me because he was so worried I would do something to cause nerve damage. It was the weirdest feeling ever. I could barely feel my contractions but it wasn't touching the pain in my tailbone and spine.

The doctor came in to see what was going on and quickly determined his head was stuck on my tailbone and was hitting it every time I had a contraction. Her plan was to try and turn him during a contraction. By this point, the desire to push was so strong that I couldn't help but to push but every push brought that intense pain and made me back off.

It was awful. I was terrified that I wouldn't be able to push because the pain was psyching me out. I ended up with one nurse and B holding my legs, the doctor trying to turn him, and one nurse with a towel playing tug of war with me which was the only way I could think to push.

Eventually his head was off my tailbone and he moved down but then his poor shoulder got stuck. He had somehow switched to face up from his appointment where he was in the perfect position and he was just in a bad position. I was struggling so hard. Everyone was doing their best to cheer me on and encourage me but I have never felt so defeated. I really, really didn't think he was every going to come out.

The doctor ended up getting out the suction to help me. I could feel that he was right there but I could also tell by the faces looking back at me that it needed to happen quickly or we would be going another route. That I didn't want. So I gave it my all. I seriously thought my spine snapped as he finally came out and then things got super hazy.

He didn't make a sound. I could see B checking on him and the doctor quickly assessing him, but I was out. I couldn't even focus. I just stared into space. Finally, he gasped and they handed him to me. He still hadn't cried but he quickly made himself at home on my chest and locked eyes with me. I was so spent I could barely get my hands on him.

Fortunately it didn't take me long to come back. And it didn't take him long to perk up. He only got a 7 on his apgar and he had some serious bruising on his head, but he is absolute perfection. I ended up with a pretty fierce episiotomy but I didn't feel that at all thanks to the super, super numb legs. It wasn't long though, til my epidural wore off and I immediately felt better. Well, except for my tail bone. Pretty sure that thing is still bruised.

But he's here. He's perfection. And he has been the best baby ever. We are so in love.

thanksgiving 2014

Thanksgiving again.

This year, there is so, so much to be thankful for.

This year, I woke up to my newest little buddy on one side and my sweet girl on the other. My husband was up cooking dinner for all the family we have in town. I was able to sleepily pull C into bed and nurse him quietly while his big sister got up to see what was going on in the rest of the house. We have spent a day surrounded by family, which can be overwhelming, but also kind of the point of the holiday.

There is so much to be thankful for.

I cannot believe I have two little ones this year. I am so glad that His plan is greater than ours and He never ceases to surprise us with how good it is. I'm so thankful for this second little miracle baby. Everything is just so, so good right now.

Happy Thanksgiving y'all.

40 weeks

That's right. He's here!!

On Tuesday, November 18th, Cooper Smith joined, and completed, our little family.

He was born at 12:49 pm after only 7 hours of active labor. He was 7 pounds 12 ounces and 20 3/4 inches long. Head circumference was 14 1/4 inches. He was almost the exact same size as his older sister and couldn't look more like her if he tried.

He is absolute perfection and we are all head over heels in love. Birth story to come....

38 weeks

How Far Along? 38 weeks

Total Weight Gained/Loss? enough. too much. whatever.

Sleep: I'm actually sleeping a lot better. Still up about four times a night and still so, so tired. But when I'm asleep, I'm hard asleep.

Best Moment of the Week: this is a tough one.

Movement- still so much movement. And I'm pretty sure he's still trying to drill a hole through my pelvis. It hurts. Like for real.

Food Craving- water. ice. that's about it. Cracker Barrel roast.

Food aversions- all the things. nothing sounds good. nothing.

Symptoms- I did something to my back this week. I was helping E get her winter clothes out and I'm not sure if I twisted funny or what, but my back is KILLING me. It's actually the worst back pain I can remember having. I had to go in to the doctor Monday to get looked at thanks to the back pain and cramps that felt a lot like my period starting. I got checked and things are happening, but my inner cervix (when did there become two?!?) is still closed up tight. So that stinks. And my back is still on fire. Boo hiss and all that jazz.

Labor Signs- some off and on cramping. That's about it. I'm getting to the point where I'm pretty sure this kid is never coming.

Belly Button- flat.

What I miss- not hurting. My whole body hurts. So over this.

What I'm looking forward to- having this baby. Let's go little man!!

Big Sister Status- She seems to be getting excited. She talks about him a lot more. She is just the smartest little girl. She knows I've been in a lot of pain lately and she's so patient. She helps me so much. If I drop something, she's quick to pick it up and hand it back. Every time I say "ouch" or anything along those lines, I get a quick "you ok Mom?". Seriously. This kid, she is the best person ever.

36 weeks

How Far Along? 36 weeks

Total Weight Gained/Loss? 34 pounds. ouch.

Sleep? a little better. I stay tired but I've been having a little bit easier time getting to sleep these days. I still get up at least four or five times a night to use the restroom. That's a chore.

Best Moment of the Week: it's been a decent week. I'm not sure what sticks out as the best though....

Movement- Lots of rolls. There is a foot that is so far out my right side I don't know how any organs are still there. He's found my pelvis and I guess his head or something is there, and OMG the pain.

Food Craving- water. Still. Nothing else really.

Food aversions- everything. Still getting too full too quick and miserable. I've been getting nauseaus a lot lately too. There's been some pukage. Not fun.

Symptoms- pelvic pain. Heartburn. These weird feelings of things being "off". Like everything is slightly off kilter and out of place. I keep getting these feelings of anxiety too. Not sure if these are pregnancy related but I am not a fan.

Labor Signs- still Braxton-Hicks. Lots of them.

Belly Button- flat.

What I miss- my lady bits not hurting. The pain down there is out of control.

What I'm looking forward to- an appointment where they tell me I'm making progress. Can I get that please?!?!?

Big Sister Status- Big Sister is getting ready. I've started talking to her a little bit about the hospital and me being gone for a couple of days. She's not a fan of that at all. She's been a bit clingy lately as well and ends up in our room most nights. I'm cool with that though. She won't be there forever and she does have a HUGE change heading her way. A few extra late night snuggles won't hurt.

35 weeks

How Far Along? 35 weeks

Total Weight Gained/Loss? will find out Thursday

Sleep? the insomnia is still fierce. I actually never had this with E so it's throwing me off a bit. And I'm up and down a lot these days for bathroom breaks which is basically like rolling over an elephant so.... sleep isn't so great.

Best Moment of the Week: his nursery is done! yay! Also, a woman at a consignment store asked me when I was due the other day and when I said "next month", she looked genuinely shocked and told me I did not look big enough to be due next month. I wanted to kiss her on the mouth. Love her forever now.

Movement- Movement is changing a lot. It's a lot of rolls. A lot of rolls. And they all seem to be on my bladder. It's so weird feeling. Also that foot/leg may come out of my right side. You can literally grab his leg. It's crazy. He sticks it so high up that I feel like my rib may crack (which at this point with E, I swore she did).

Food Craving- water. Lots of ice water. Other than that I'm over food.

Food aversions- everything. I get too full to quick which blows.

Symptoms- pelvic pain. He is just so LOW. The waddling is fierce. And funny. I mean I can laugh at me. That's fine.

Labor Signs- still Braxton-Hicks. Lots of them.

Belly Button- flat.

What I miss- being able to bend over and not walk like a duck.

What I'm looking forward to- him being here. Seeing him on the ultrasound again made me so excited just to lay eyes on him. To see who he looks like and to just hold him. I swear it's not going to be real til he gets here so it needs to happen!

Big Sister Status- We talk about him a bit more. She said she's sure he'll be as cool as she is tonight. We shall see...

thoughts on two..

I'm nervous y'all. Like real nervous.

I've read enough blogs over the years to know I'm not alone in my thinking, but it doesn't really change things. You still think things like "they just don't know how much I really love my daughter" or crazy things like that.

Before I had BG, I was convinced that she wouldn't compare to how I felt for my dog. And while I realize how crazy that sounds now, pre-Mama me had nothing to compare too. She just knew that she really, really, REALLY loved her dog. That dog was my child. She could do no wrong. I loved her like my child because I didn't have any of my own. It was all I knew.

Then, I had Baby Girl. And Lacy became.. a dog.

I still loved her yes, but little things that I never noticed drove me nuts. Like how her nails tapped on the hard wood. Or how her hair got EVERYWHERE. Or how she would lick the baby's bottles and pacis driving me into a sterilization nightmare. And when she barked when I finally got the Kid Who Never Slept asleep?? RAGE. Like head spinning, Exorcism of Emily Rose, spinning.

Everyone told me it would happen. They told me the two would never compare. And I listened to them, but I didn't believe them. They clearly didn't love their dogs as much as I loved mine. That was the only explanation.

Now? Well there's a second kid coming. And while I am excited (there should be a disclaimer here that I am one of those people that get excited when the baby is here. Not really before.. I'm just wired that way), I am also terrified that this kid will never compare to BG.

Don't throw things. I'm allowed to be worried. I'm allowed to be nervous.

I'm not comparing them as two different people, I'm just saying BG takes up a HUGE chunk of my heart and it scares me to think of him coming and taking some of that.

I'm insane. But I'm not. I'm just saying it all out loud.

I know that the minute he gets here my heart is going to expand and stretch and make room for him that I didn't even know I had. That I didn't even realize it had the capability to do. But right now? Right now all I see is a huge change and we all know this girl is not a fun of the C word.

BG and I have had 4 1/2 years together. I'm not a stay at home Mom and I work a lot, but there have been long stretches of her life where I did stay home. And even working, we spend a lot of time just me and her. There are lots of trips taken just me and her. Lots of activities. Lots of bedtimes. Lots of meals and movies and shopping trips. She's been my faithful companion for 4 1/2 years. She's been my shopping buddy, my running buddy, my park buddy. The girl always down for a Target trip. She's my heart and soul in 4 foot form. And thinking of changing that dynamic scares me to death.

Honestly, I don't know how it's going to be with two kids. I've never had two. But I know that my relationship with E is special and deserves time put into it like I always have. I'm actually a bit excited at the challenge of making sure that both kiddos get special time one on one time. I look forward to getting to know this new babe. To see who he is. To see how he ticks.

But I'm still scared of how I'll feel with two. Less than six weeks til I know....

34 weeks

How Far Along? 33 weeks

Total Weight Gained/Loss? 34 pounds. That's been my total for about 2 months now. Maybe we'll stay there. Fingers crossed.

Sleep? not so great. I'm exhausted. But my mind NEVER stops. Last night I stared at the ceiling for 3 hours while I stressed about something for work that was not even worth stressing over. Seriously. Losing my mind. I've never been so tired.

Best Moment of the Week: Got to hear his heartbeat again. In the 140's as usual. Love that sound.

Movement- His foot may come out my side. Not kidding. I don't even know how his foot is in the place it is. It's insane. He still moves a lot though I have noticed a decrease over the last couple of days.

Food Craving- just water. Cracker Barrel roast occasionally. Cheerios still.

Food aversions- most things. Being full sucks and it doesn't take anything to get full these days.

Symptoms- joint pain off and on. My ankles and knees have been on fire. Still a lot of pelvic pain. Heachaches but I think I figured out that those were from my new prenatal vitamins so I switched back to my old ones. Some weird feelings of things being "off". I don't know how to explain it. But it's weird. Back pain like whoa.

Labor Signs- still Braxton-Hicks.

Belly Button- pretty shallow, but hanging on.

What I miss- my back not hurting.

What I'm looking forward to- finishing his room and him getting here. I'm getting anxious to see this little one. And to see these feet that may come out my skin.

Big Sister Status- she's getting pretty excited. I started talking to her the other day about going into the hospital. She doesn't like the idea of me being gone for a couple of days so I think we'll do some more talking on that. I'm getting nervous about being away from her. We're pretty much the best of pals.

33 weeks

How Far Along? 33 weeks

Total Weight Gained/Loss? not sure. I'll find out Thursday.

Sleep? still not great. I'm up and down a lot again which is not fun at all. But pretty sure that's the norm for a while so here we go...

Best Moment of the Week: his room is really coming together. It's one of my favorite rooms ever.

Movement- all the time. And they are FIERCE. This kid.. seriously. His movements hurt. Sometimes I legit worry he may punch his way out. I don't remember Ella's movements being like this.

Food Craving- lots of water still. and deli sandwiches. I've given in to that desire a few times this week. oops...

Food aversions- sweets are just too sweet and usually give me a headache. That doesn't mean I've completely said goodbye but.. I really should

Symptoms- still so much pelvic pain. There are no words really. I'm really sore if I sit still too long and really stiff. And the headaches are back. Freaking yay.

Labor Signs- lots of Braxton-Hicks. STILL.

Belly Button- pretty shallow, but hanging on.

What I miss- being able to put on my own shoes.

What I'm looking forward to- finishing up his room. It's coming along! I also washed his first load of clothes. That Dreft smell is like crack. No joke.

Big Sister Status- she's hilarious. She is loving the glider in his room and likes to curl up in my lap to read in there. I asked her the other day if we should put a stool for her next to the glider so that she can sit up there with me and him when he gets here. She said she would rather just sit in my lap. I asked her where he would sit and she promptly replied "he can sit on the stool.". I think we have some explaining to do about just how little this babe will be....

32 weeks

How Far Along? 32 weeks.

Total Weight Gained/Loss? 29 pounds still and holding steady.

Sleep? SUCKS. I stay tired then am wide awake at night. I'm up to use the bathroom a couple times a night again and I still have the pain in my pelvis that wakes me up every time I roll over.

Best Moment of the Week: we had our first shower on Saturday. My little one is so loved and so blessed already.

Movement- all the time. Especially at night. It's strong enough to wake me up. The other night E was in our bed and curled up against me laying on my pregnancy pillow. It drove the little one nuts having her that close. He was kicking and rolling all over her back until she gave up and moved. They're already fighting over Mom.

Food Craving- nothing. Except water and pineapple occasionally. And Cheerios still.

Food aversions- all the things really.

Symptoms- so much pain in the pelvic area. I feel like it's bruised. I know that's terrible, but that's how it feels. I also still feel that sharp pain in my pelvis and down my right leg that wakes me up at night and makes it hard to walk after sitting for a long time. Not the funnest symptom ever.

Labor Signs- lots of Braxton-Hicks. STILL.

Belly Button- pretty shallow, but hanging on.

What I miss- he's low enough now I can breathe again. I just want to be able to bend over. That would be fun.

What I'm looking forward to- now that we've got a lot of his stuff, I am FINALLY feeling the need to do his room and get his stuff ready to go. I'm ready to get that done.

Big Sister Status- Big Sister is getting excited and it's so freaking cute it kills me. Last week before the shower she told her Dad "I'm just SO excited!!". When he asked why, she said because of her baby brother's shower that she couldn't wait to go too. She slays me with the sweet.

30 weeks

How Far Along? 30 weeks. Though I'm still not sure how that got here so fast.

Total Weight Gained/Loss? 29 pounds. Let's not talk about that.

Sleep? still sucks. I don't remember having these problems with E. According to the doc, he's laying on a nerve which is why the pelvic pain is out of control. Every time I try to roll over I feel like I just got stabbed in the pelvis. It's good times.

Best Moment of the Week: just his movement I guess. I know I'll miss this part.

Movement- all the time. And he is STRONG. His butt or something is poking out on my left side and it hurts occasionally but other than that it's just kind of fun.

Food Craving- still meat. Ice water. That's about it.

Food aversions- I'm not super hungry. I get so full so quick that it's not even worth it. When I'm full I feel like my skin may split open which is zero fun.

Labor Signs- lots of Braxton-Hicks. STILL.

Belly Button- pretty shallow, but hanging on.

What I miss- Being able to breathe. Being able to move without the Braxon Hicks showing up. My pelvis not feeling like there's a perma knife in there.

What I'm looking forward to- we're skipping town for a few days this weekend for our last little trip as a family of three. I can't wait.

Big Sister Status- we may have a name. May. E doesn't like it and does a full on pout when she hears it. I'm pretty sure she's going to call this baby by Jackson (her choice) no matter what we name him.

she makes me smile.

This kid.

Y'all.

Weekends with just my girl are disappearing with a quickness. I realize this. And while I know life post baby will be amazing, I can't help but be sad that our weekends with just our sweet girl will soon be a thing of the past. So until that comes, we will live them up. Big time.

Friday night I invited her to a "sleepover" in my room. Dada was working late so it was just us girls. You would have thought I just gave her a million dollars. Her eyes lit up and she flew upstairs. In minutes, she was back downstairs with her nightgown and her overnight bag which she had packed with her stuffed animals and a few books. Y'all, she was SO excited. So we grabbed my laptop, picked a movie, and hit the hay.

E promptly declared that we were going to "stay up all night and watch 18 movies, because that's what you do at sleepovers!", and we settled into a ton of pillows for a movie night. She lasted one movie. Good grief I do love that little nugget.

Dada moved her when he got home to her room. She was not impressed the next morning that he interrupted our sleepover. Not impressed at all.

We spent the next day lazying around. We tried on clothes (she demanded a picture of her in her Christmas jams with Flash and Max), played with markers (she colors body parts, I color paper, whatever), went and walked Ms. Jamie's dog (E is beyond helpful at this age), and just basically hung out. I LOVE this age. She's such fun.

On the last day of summer, we decided to use our pool membership that we've had all summer and haven't touched. No words on our slackness. So off to the pool we went. And I am so glad.

Years from now on I won't remember how huge I felt. I won't remember that I was sweaty as all get out. I won't remember that getting in and out of that lounge chair almost killed me.

What I will remember is her smile. Her glee at the splash pad. Her joy over sharing a poolside hot dog with her Mama. Her giggles and squeals as I chased her in the shallow end (yes holy cow I got in). Her skinny little arms wrapped around my neck as we bobbed along in the adult pool. We couldn't have ended the day, the summer, on a higher note. It was perfection.

A day spent in the pool with her buddies, lots of play time with my best girl and adult time with my best friend, and a quick stop for Chick-fil-a lemonades on the way home and the day was done. Summer 2014 was over. And it couldn't have ended on a higher note. I kind of can't believe that we just ended our last summer with just E. Holy cow how the times are fixing to change. I am beyond thankful for this incredible weekend with my favorite girl.

28 weeks

How Far Along? 28 weeks. Hello third trimester!!

Total Weight Gained/Loss? 20 ish pounds. I don't care. It ain't pretty.

Sleep? SUCKS. I would kill for some good sleep. Not even kidding. I cannot get comfortable and my pelvis hurts so bad that rolling over just shoots pain. All fun.

Best Moment of the Week: There's a crib in my house again. That's kind of fun.

Movement- all the time. There's not even any method to it except for that it NEVER stops.

Food Craving- MEAT. I am a straight up carnivore right now. Bring me all the steaks and I don't even like steak.

Food aversions- seafood. Sweets give me headaches. Sad panda.

Labor Signs- lots of Braxton-Hicks. STILL.

Belly Button- pretty shallow. It may actually pop this time...

What I miss- My stomach is SO TIGHT. I just need a break from feeling like my skin may tear.

What I'm looking forward to- so much. My best friend is throwing a shower soon and we've started thinking about his room. Now if I only had the energy to do it.

Big Sister Status- she still swears she's naming him. I'm pretty sure she's never going to back down.

my girl.

Every now and then it's good to put on paper little bits and things that I think are awesome. Whether they be about trends I'm liking, or shows, it's fun to go back and look at what I thought was cool at a particular point in time.

Like my kid. Who I think is pretty freaking awesome.

She's almost four and a half. How? Well I have no clue really. It has by far been the fastest four and a half years of my life. Yet at the same time, I can't really remember her not being around. Life before her was fun, but life with her? off the charts.

She's a complete Daddy's girl. They make up silly songs and build gardens together and do all the things that a Daddy/Daughter combo are supposed to do. She comes looking for him if he's sleeping in and if it's been a couple of days since she's laid eyes on him (work schedules), she'll wake him up no matter what I say because her time limit of no Dada time has been reached.

She adores that man and who can blame her. But at the same time, she's a Mama's girl something fierce. And I absolutely love it.

She wants to dress like me (maxi dresses all around!) and paint her nails like me and do her hair like me. It's pretty much the cutest thing ever when she says "look Mom!!! We're just alike!!", and while normally that kind of behavior would make me stabby, from her it just makes me pleased as punch.

Which is an expression I don't actually understand but we'll go with it.

She is independent to the max. She wants what she wants and she isn't afraid to tell you. If you follow me on Instagram, you've probably noticed a lack of bows and smocking these days. Putting a bow in this girl's hair is likely to warrant tears and while she'll wear a smocked dress on Sunday, she's not a fan really. She put on a smocked short set the other day and promptly declared it "ridiculous". It's not even worth arguing over. And as fun as it is to do her hair while she sobs "it's just NOT CUTE!!!", it's usually better for both of our sanity if I let her win that battle as well and a headband it is.

There are still no jeans in this house. She wouldn't even try them on when we went back to school shopping. She knows what she likes. I only wish I could be as strong in my opinions as she is sometimes. Girlfriend doesn't waver.

She is a creature of habit and doesn't like to deviate from her routine. If you tell her you'll read a back "later", you'll read a book later because it's on her calendar in her head and she won't forget. She's like an elephant that way. She hates washing her hair and will tell you nightly "we washed my hair last night", which isn't usually true (we wash every other night). So yea, sometimes she fibs. We're working on that.

She is hilarious. And she knows it. We're actually working on the whole "there's a time and a place..." to be funny and such. Like school and church aren't really that time. She doesn't get it yet. Or maybe she does and she doesn't care. Jury is still out. She's got jokes. She also likes to make up jokes which aren't always funny but she laughs so hard at that you can't help but laugh at her goofiness.

She's a mover and a talker. From the minute she gets up until she collapses into bed at night, she is moving and talking. She doesn't nap. I beg her to nap sometimes and it's a waste of time. I walked in on her the other day and she wasn't napping to which she replied "now Mama, you knew I wouldn't be napping. I'm not a sleeping creature. I just don't need sleep.". Unfortunately that seems to be pretty true and her parents are sleepy creatures so.... that's not always so fun but we're surviving.

She is convinced that she has named Baby Boy and emphatically tells people all about "Baby Jackson". Unfortunately that's not his name so.. that's been fun. Her teachers at school as well as dear friends have been told all about "Baby Jackson" and while it's kind of comical, I keep waiting on a monogrammed item to show up with the wrong name. AWKWARD. My kid is kind of nuts.

I'm getting pretty nervous about splitting my time when Baby Boy does get here. She and I have had over four years to develop this amazing relationship that I'm scared to see change. But at the same time, I really don't think it will. There's no one on this planet like Ella. That's for sure. She's kind of my favorite little girl EVER.

26 weeks

How Far Along? 26 weeks

Total Weight Gained/Loss? I couldn't tell you. I refuse to look at the scale. I'm an ostrich that way.

Sleep? Yea. I've never tossed and turned so much in my life. I wake up multiple times a night. And his movements have gotten hard enough that they wake me up at night. So that's fun.

Best Moment of the Week: Sister asked to feel him today. That's a first. And kind of made my heart swell.

Movement- yep. All day every day and in the middle of the night. He's pretty calm early evening and around lunch time. Other than that? It's on.

Food Craving- lemonade and ice water. meat. steaks, hamburgers, it's all good.

Food aversions- still have to remind myself to eat. Nothing sounds really good but if I am going to eat, it will be some sort of meat.


Labor Signs- lots of Braxton-Hicks.

Belly Button- pretty shallow. It may actually pop this time...

What I miss- nothing this week. It's been pretty good.

What I'm looking forward to- Decorating his room. But in order to do that, I need to figure out what colors and all I want to do.

Big Sister Status- she's starting to show some interest. Not much, but starting...

24 weeks

How Far Along? 24 weeks

Total Weight Gained/Loss? I don't wanna...

Sleep? Yea about that. This pregnancy insomnia thing is for the birds. I am flat out exhausted most of the time but when it comes time to sleep? yea, it doesn't happen. I can't even roll over without pain. It's a nightmare. And just when I get comfortable, I have to pee. So yea.

Best Moment of the Week: his movement. It's so awesome.

Movement- all the time. And he is so low. I'm afraid this one may just fall out. And my poor bladder will probably be bruised for all eternity after the beating it is taking from this guy.

Food Craving- lemonade and ice water. still.

Food aversions- no real aversions, but not much sounds really good.

Gender- a sweet, baby boy!!!!!!!!!!!

Labor Signs- nada

Belly Button- pretty shallow but I don't think it's going anywhere.

What I miss- I am having the worst pain in my pelvic area. If this is round ligament pain, then I didn't know what was happening with E. This junk is for the birds. Every time I get up, every time I roll over... pain. I have yet to find relief for it. Fun.

What I'm looking forward to- Decorating his room. As soon as we get into the new house, it is on!

Big Sister Status- she's been telling everyone the baby's name. Problem? he doesn't have one. Her teachers legit thought he did though. She's pretty emphatic about it. If only her parents could get that passionate about a name...

**photobomb.. this guy.... **

23 weeks

How Far Along? 23 weeks

Total Weight Gained/Loss? I don't wanna...

Sleep? Having a hard time falling asleep, sleeping pretty hard once I finally fall asleep, and then waking up exhausted. It's a fun cycle.

Best Moment of the Week: Daddy got to feel him Sunday night!

Movement- all the time. I was worried that he wasn't moving enough, but now? Now I'm worried that he's going to be just as active as his big sister. She was crazy active inside and is still insane and now he's acting just the same. I'm a bit scared. No lie.

Food Craving- pineapple. lemonade. ice. all the cold things.

Food aversions- no real aversions, but not much sounds really good.

Gender- a sweet, baby boy!!!!!!!!!!!

Labor Signs- nada

Belly Button- pretty shallow but I don't think it's going anywhere.

What I miss- my back not hurting. That's already hard core. Boo hiss and all that stuff.

What I'm looking forward to- I think I finally picked a theme for his room. So I'd like to decorate sometime soon.

Big Sister Status- she's still pretty standoffish. Doesn't want to talk to the belly much or things like that, but let's be serious, her parents aren't big belly talkers either so... In her DNA.

21 weeks

How Far Along? 21 weeks

Total Weight Gained/Loss? 15 pounds. That's fun.

Sleep? cannot get enough. So tired.

Best Moment of the Week: his movement.

Movement- He's starting to move a lot. He doesn't jab and kick as much as E did though. He does what feels like flips and rolls a lot. He also hangs out on my bladder. It feels like someone is just wringing my bladder constantly. Weirdest feeling ever.

Food Craving- lemonade still. there's really nothing I have to have.

Food aversions- seafood. chicken with bones.

Gender- a sweet, baby boy!!!!!!!!!!!

Labor Signs- nada

Belly Button- pretty shallow but I don't think it's going anywhere.

What I miss- It's getting harder to put my shoes on. That's not so fun. Especially when you wear boots for a living :(

What I'm looking forward to- I should probably start working on his room. That sounds fun.

Big Sister Status- she's getting more excited. She's decided that she's named the baby and walks around calling him that now. Good thing one person in this family has named him.....

the deets on baby 2.

For about a year now (if not more), Mr. P and BG have been on Team Baby 2. This girl couldn't quite get on board.

It's not that I didn't want another baby it's just... I kind of didn't want another baby. Does that make sense??

I was good with just E. I'm actually thrilled with just E and the three of us are good together. Like real good. So I was iffy. I liked the idea of a sibling for E, I just....

Maybe most of it was I was terrified. I knew that I couldn't handle going through what we went through before E again. I was also scared of being as sick as I was with E while trying to parent a toddler. I was just terrified.

In November I got frustrated with some issues I was having with my IUD and finally decided it had to go. So I made the appointment to get it removed. At the appointment, I talked with my doctor about not going on the pill or anything along those lines. We both decided that Mr. P and I needed to head to the specialists in Charlotte to talk things over before going any further.

We headed up to Charlotte at the end of December and met with the doctor up there. The appointment went well. Mr. P had to leave early so it gave the doctor a chance to talk with me about some things. We talked about how stressed I was about going forward and he promised me that he would do everything he could for us to have a healthy pregnancy. And that he felt really good about things.

We left that day with the instructions to come back when we were pregnant. And that was that.

In February, Mr. P took a new job that actually had him move to Savannah for a bit. For a while it looked like we would all be moving back to Savannah and a part of me took that as a sign that we should definitely try for number 2. I never wanted to do another pregnancy without my Savannah docs so I was thrilled we may be back down there with them.

Mr. P was in Savannah for a few months without E and I and somewhere in there (February) I got pregnant. Come St. Patrick's Day weekend, E and I joined Mr. P in Savannah for the weekend and he and I both had this feeling that I was pregnant. So I took a test on the 16th (I really just wanted a clear conscience to drink the next day). And that test quickly turned positive.

We spent the next day at the parade where we had to call my Charlotte doc who then sent me straight to a lab in Savannah for bloodwork. Over the next couple of weeks, I went to multiple blood draws and ultrasounds and continued to parent E while Mr. P was still in Savannah. It was hard. Especially at the appointment where I first got to hear the heartbeat and the doctor's exact words were "it's pretty slow, but there's nothing we can do. If it's going to stop, it's just going to stop".

Good times right.

But that heart didn't stop. And that little one just kept right on growing.

My initial reaction at that first appointment was that the baby was a boy, but that would change off and on over the next few weeks. Fortunately Mr. P moved back home not long after St. Patrick's Day weekend and was here for the main exhaustion and nausea. And there was so much of both of those.


I didn't have the problems I had with E. There's been no bleeding and other than that one slow heartbeat scare, I've had zero issues. My medication protocol is a bit different but I still started progesterone and heparin shots immediately and am still on the heparin until around 38 weeks. I haven't done nearly the meds I did with E though which has been a nice little break.

Baby 2 was rough on Mama that's for sure. I was way sicker with this one than E as I was afraid of, but we made it through. I even made it through the terrible migraines that week 14 brought into my life (though those are still too frequent for my liking). And now? we're almost 21 weeks with a healthy baby boy.

So ready or not, he's coming. We should probably start getting prepared!

20 weeks

How Far Along? 20 weeks 2 days

Total Weight Gained/Loss? find out at appt tomorrow.

Maternity Clothes: yes. from here on out. last week i'll leave this question on here.

Sleep? I'm still really tired but it's getting better.

Best Moment of the Week: the boy clothes are rolling in. And it's totally fun.

Movement- starting to pick up some and get more consistent. I feel him the most in the early morning and bed time but I'm also 90 to nothing all day so...

Food Craving- lemonade. I cannot get enough of CFA diet lemonade.

Food aversions- seafood.

Gender- a sweet, baby boy!!!!!!!!!!!

Labor Signs- nothing this week.

Belly Button- pretty shallow but I don't think it's going anywhere.

What I miss- not having heartburn. I had heartburn with E but nothing like this. It's not so fun.

What I'm looking forward to- appt tomorrow for our big anatomy scan. We've already confirmed everything looks great with the fetal specialist but I'll always take an opportunity to peek in on him.

Big Sister Status- she's pretty oblivious right now. We did have a scary moment this week when she dropped her entire 40 plus pounds on my belly. I just don't think she's that "in tune" with what's going on yet.

our fourth.

We had a good holiday weekend. Like real good.

Which I wasn't sure it would be with Mr. P working the whole time, but it was.

I've been getting a little emotional lately about this new baby thing. Which is a whole 'nother post in itself but let's just say that my heart has been a little sore lately as I think about dividing my time between two littles. So when I heard that Mr. P was working, I decided that I was going to make it a great "girls weekend". Just a grand 'ol time the two of us.

Then BG woke up in rare form on Friday morning and refused to listen and had a meltdown over her outfit and I was in tears by 11 am. True life y'all.

I gave myself a minute to be woe is me: "we have no friends here", "she has no friends", "this is going to be the WORST holiday ever" (I'm nothing if not dramatic, and wrong, 98% of the time), and then I packed us up and headed to the park. Where we stayed and ran around until I noticed her ear was pouring blood. So off to Urgent Care we went.

A quick diagnosis of conjuctivitis and an outer ear infection later we were on our way.

A friend of mine texted to see if we wanted to join her and her family for the rest of the afternoon so we packed it up and headed over there where we spent the next few hours lounging around with friends. It was good. And tired BG out. WIN.

Mr. P came home to two girls in the bed at 9:30. We decided to wake the little one up for the fireworks in the neighborhood but that was shortlived as she was terrified. So back to bed we went.

We spent the next day lounging around the house. BG played upstairs a lot (yay for new found independence!!) while I got some stuff done downstairs. Around lunch time, I decided we both needed a break so we packed a lunch and had a little picnic outside on the patio.

We made a quick trip for ice cream and then spent the rest of the afternoon in the pool before moving inside for a late afternoon movie.

It was a quiet weekend. But it was so good. I do enjoy this age so much. She just loves everything she gets to do with us and she's (usually) just so happy to be doing it with us. We girls needed a weekend like this. I won't mention ago how prevalent it is in my mind that there's not that many left just the two of us..

Hope you all enjoyed your holiday!

19 weeks

How Far Along? 19 weeks

Total Weight Gained/Loss? next.

Maternity Clothes: yep. all the maternity clothes.

Sleep? I'm tired but starting to feel better. It's a bit easier to sleep right now than it has been.

Best Moment of the Week? we had a really good appt with a specialist this past week. Baby Boy looks really, really good.

Movement- Picking up a bit. From our last appt it seems Baby Boy is head down and kicking inwards so I still don't feel many sharp jabs. I did feel a few definite kicks the other night. That was fun.

Food Craving- all the cold things. Ice.

Food aversions- shrimp, chicken wings, same old same old

Morning sickness?- nope

Gender- a sweet, baby boy!!!!!!!!!!!

Labor Signs- nothing this week.

Belly Button- shallowing out already :(

What I miss- this week I've got nothing. It's been a pretty smooth week.

What I'm looking forward to- getting excited to start making a room for this little one.

Big Sister Status- she's talking a bit more about a boy coming into our world now. I still think it hasn't really hit her yet what's going on.

it's a.....................

For weeks E has been telling us that she's going to "run away!" if baby turned out to be a boy. She was pretty emphatic about it as well.

A couple of weeks ago, we (and by we I mean I) decided to spring for one of those early ultrasounds. So we headed up there right after 16 weeks to try and get an early peek at what Baby 2 was.

The ultrasound was fun and the tech decided pretty early on that she thought baby was a boy. E wasn't having it. I don't think she was even listening to the lady as she kept on and on about "her baby sister". At one point Mr. P walked E out to use the restroom and while they were gone the tech got a pretty good shot of what she thought were boy parts. When the other two came back in, we showed Mr. P and told E that we were pretty sure she was going to have a baby brother.

She was not impressed. She actually threw her head down on the couch and cried saying "NO!!" over and over. I would be lying if I said it didn't disappoint me quite a bit. I knew deep down she'd be fine but still... not the reaction we wanted.

The cord was also hanging around down between baby's legs so the lady only gave us an 85% chance it was a boy. So we decided to not say anything until we heard a more definitive answer.

On Tuesday we had an appointment with a fetal maternal specialist in Charlotte. Nothing wrong, our doctor down here just wanted to make sure everything was going okay with our current treatment. Baby looks amazing. Growing right on schedule and looking absolutely perfect weighing in around 7 ounces already and hanging out head down with feet in my ribs (just like big sister).

At one point, the tech called E over and whispered to her what baby is. So the big sister got to walk over to us and tell us..

"It's a boy!". And that was that.

Thankfully the last week or so has seen a change of heart for big sis. She's no longer been telling us she's moving out but instead saying "I'll love it just a little bit". Which I'll take.

So it's a boy. 100% boy. With no name. But maybe we'll get around to that one day.....

18 weeks

How Far Along? 18 weeks

Total Weight Gained/Loss? enough. I hate this question.

Maternity Clothes: yep. Jeans and shirts. This belly wants all. the. elastic.

Sleep? Better. I'm still really tired mid afternoon. I'm a pro at the car nap.

Best Moment of the Week? Movement is picking up a bit.

Movement- a little. It's no where near what I felt with E which makes me paranoid but I'm trying to let it go.... (that song in your head now?)

Food Craving- cold, cold, cold. Ice water by the gallon. Cheese quesadillas from Taco Bell (I know. No judgement)

Food aversions- shrimp, chicken wings. Still not a fan of most foods but the appetite seems to be coming back.

Morning sickness?- nope. And the headaches seem to be leveling off.

Gender- We know.. Kind of. We did the early ultrasound thing at 16 weeks and she gave us a guess. But she wasn't very sure. So we haven't said anything. We find out for sure today and I cannot wait. Maybe then it will start to feel real!!!

Labor Signs- I swear Braxton Hicks have started already. I got them early on and often with E and it looks to be the same this time.

Belly Button- shallowing out already :(

What I miss- my ankles have started swelling already. Not ok. So I miss normal ankles.

What I'm looking forward to- today!!

Big Sister Status- Still 100% Team Pink. She no longer says she will run away if it's a boy and has said she'll "love him a bit" but she's going to be so disappointed if it's a boy...

16 weeks

How Far Along? 16

Total Weight Gained/Loss? no idea. I don't want to know.

Maternity Clothes: shirts, yes, since about the second that plus sign showed up. Pants, no, but none of them are buttoned.. shh..

Sleep? I. Am. Exhausted. My sleep has been crap lately so I think that's had something to do with it. I've become a big fan of the afternoon car nap.

Best Moment of the Week? Just making it another week.

Movement- a little...

Food Craving- all the cold things. Especially ice water (in styrofoam cups please)

Food aversions- seafood, chicken, most everything. I'm still at the point where nothing sounds good. Ever.

Morning sickness?- not since about week 13. The headaches are in full force though.

Gender- In 3 weeks or so. Unless I break down and do the early ultrasound thing.

Labor Signs- none.

Belly Button- in and huge. Like crater size.

What I miss- my pants fitting. I really need maternity clothes.

What I'm looking forward to- appt this week!

Big Sister Status- still 100% convinced baby is a girl. She is going to be one sad panda if it isn't....

15 weeks

So we're 15 (and a half, oops) weeks pregnant. I've been trying to keep up with updates so far and I hope to do the weekly ones I did with BG. I love looking back on hers. So I went back and found the survey I did with her for grins and giggles.

How Far Along? 15 weeks

Total Weight Gained/Loss? up about 5. Good times.

Maternity Clothes: shirts, yes, since about the second that plus sign showed up. Pants, no, but none of them are buttoned.. shh..

Sleep? yes. Give me all the sleep.

Best Moment of the Week? I didn't have a headache today. One day out of the week is cause for celebration.

Movement- I think so... I've been feeling something that may be "baby" for a week or so now. Nothing consistent though. And I could be crazy.

Food Craving- all the cold things. Especially ice water (in styrofoam cups please)

Food aversions- seafood, chicken, most everything. I'm still at the point where nothing sounds good. Ever.

Morning sickness?- not since about week 13. The headaches are in full force though.

Gender- In 3 weeks or so. Unless I break down and do the early ultrasound thing.

Labor Signs- none.

Belly Button- in but far more shallow than at this point last time.

What I miss- feeling like a functional human being. It's coming back. Slowly though.

What I'm looking forward to- appt next week.

Big Sister Status- she no longer says she's going to run away if it's a boy but she still is staunchly on Team Pink. Conversation in the car the other day went something like this:

BG: blah, blah, blah baby Sister

Me: You know, it could really be a boy kiddo

BG: It could, but it's not. You'll see. I'm right. I just know it. And then you'll have to say "see Ella, you were right!" when it's born so...

This kid....

surprise!

Baby Girl has someone she'd like y'all to meet...

We are all thrilled to welcome Baby #2 in November!!! Details to come :)

k3 promotion.

There are certain times where I'm reminded that I am in fact someone's parent.

I mean, I always know but there are events where it just hits me in the face.

Like Tuesday night. BG had her promotion ceremony at school. She had been talking about it for weeks. How she was getting on a stage and was going to get "permoted!" up to k4. She was stoked that afternoon when I picked her up from school to go home and get ready. She wanted to wear a pretty dress (and was very disappointed at the school's request of shorts and a blue shirt) and even wanted me to put a bow in her hair (which is NEVER the case anymore!). She was so, so excited.

So I got there and quickly claimed a few seats for our group after dropping BG off with her class. I started thumbing through the program and quickly noticed her name next to the opening song. Hmmm... now that's new. She hadn't said anything about that.

Sure enough, the introductions were made, the class was led out and my girl walked to the front of the stage to the microphone. And there in front of her entire class and a church full of their families, she sang her first little solo....


And then I died.

Ok I didn't. But I could have.

She did so good!!! And I'm totally "that Mom" right now but I. DON'T. CARE. Because y'all.

She did SO GOOD!!!

I still can't get in front of large crowds (without liquid courage) without shaking and pitting out but she did it. And that face after?! I mean, seriously. She knew she did good. I'm so freaking proud of that kid.

I've watched the video no less than one hundred times. No shame.

The rest of the ceremony was just as adorable. The kids sang, showed off what skills they learned throughout the year, and did a few skits. It was definitely in the top ten of cutest moments ever.

At the end, the teachers said a few words about each kiddo and their personality. They gave out awards based on their personalities such as "most likely to be a...". When it came time for E's, I was a little nervous (no lie) since she tends to be one of the most outspoken, sometimes getsintroublealot children. But they didn't focus on that at all (as they shouldn't because she is so much more than her sometimes poor lack of self control!!) and they nailed who she is.
My tiny dancer. Good grief I love her.

So another school year in the books. How on Earth is this going so fast?!??

life.

I've decided that I miss writing. I miss writing about the every day. I miss blogging our lives. I miss having a recording of my kid because she is growing, so, so fast. So I'm back. Hopefully for good. Hopefully more than just once a month.

BG has been taking dance since September. She seems to love it. Or seemed... It's the week before her recital and I've noticed that she tends to sit through her entire class lately. When I ask her about it, she says she "got shy" (not true) or "she's tired" (maybe true). Well we got her costumes for her recital in the other day and she loves them. So what's a Mom to do?

Bribe her.

If she doesn't dance at practice, I'll send those things back (I can't do that). It's been the only method to have her keep moving through her 30 minute practice. Though "practice" last week consisted of her spinning in circles with her skirt around her shoulders. I'm going to consider her recital a win if she makes it on the stage. After that? well... that's a picture at least.

So recital tomorrow. That should be fun.


I've been traveling a lot lately. Work is INSANE to say the least. We currently have two offices and I've been doing the sales for both areas. Now we've added a third office at the beach which adds a bit more travel. I've been alternating weeks down there with our other sales rep and our travel has really picked up. It's exhausting to say the least.

All that travel means Mr. P and the little are getting a lot of time to bond at home. Which sometimes means a project.

So last week while I was at the beach, they built a garden. Well, Mr. P built it. BG quickly decided it needed to stay empty because it was the perfect spot for her to sit in and watch tv on Mr. P's phone. She was not a fan of them filling it with dirt.

But they did. After he agreed to build her another one.

We headed to the store the other day and picked out a few plants. Her only request was strawberries. Then we picked out a few veggies that Mr. P and I wanted.

The two of them spent an afternoon planting and watering their new garden. I absolutely LOVE that they did this project together. They both had such a good time and it's been such a good way for her to get outside and stay busy. She has loved doing this with her Dad. It's pretty cute.

So now we have a garden. Which has already started sprouting strawberries which the little thinks is the coolest thing ever. So do her Dad and I to be honest.

Gardens, ballet... I think that's about it. We're in a nice little routine right now. Life is busy but I'm pretty sure with jobs and a preschooler that that is just the way it's going to be for a while.

Y'all cross your fingers that her recital goes well tomorrow. It could be a disaster..... Hopefully not though.

four.

And just like that, my girl is four.
I wish there was a way to put into words exactly what I feel when I look at her. What I feel when I think about her. Just how much I stinking love her. We have this little game we play where I say "Ella, come here I need to tell you a secret" to which she yells out "I LOVE YOU!!" and then bursts into laughter. Yes, she knows my next line because I tell her that 100 times a day. Yet it's not enough. It doesn't even begin to describe how much I truly do love her.

Which I know she'll never get. Well, not until she has a kid of her own because no one could explain it to me. It's just the way it is. It's this crazy, all consuming love and pride for this little person that I get the joy of watching grow and change every single day. It's just the best.

So who are you at four Baby Girl? What do you like:

Favorite Color: purple

Favorite Food: sandwiches (me too girl, me too)

Favorite Movie: Frozen (shocker)

Favorite Book: Go Dog Go

Favorite Thing To Wear: flip flops and dresses

Favorite Toy: Oliver (the big dog)

Best Friend: Kathryn, Zoie, Livingston

Favorite Song: Let It Go (shocker again)

Favorite Drink: lemonade

You have a laugh that is infectious. You have an absolute joy for life that is something I hope never decreases in you. You love learning and going to school. You also thoroughly enjoy church and look forward to going each week. You have a mind like a sponge and come out of school and church every week reciting something new you learned. And you never forget. We can ask you something from months ago and you'll remember it like it happened yesterday. This is both good and bad as you never forget anything we say either. We can't get anything past you.

You are extremely active. You move all day everyday and you don't nap, so there is no refresher in the middle of the day. You are up and moving from 7:30 am until you pass out at night. Your parents stay exhausted. You? not so much.


You have the biggest heart. You love people so much. Sometimes you take it too heart a bit too much when you and your little friends argue at school. Which makes me go all Mama bear but I know is just one of those life lessons. You genuinely care about people. You will always try to befriend others at the park and you don't like it when someone is left out. You have the best heart.

You also enjoy animals. A lot. You love ours and we have to stop you daily from petting random ones on the street.

You are a bit sarcastic and have a bit of an attitude which we are working to tame. But I was the same way and it hasn't gone away so... We pray daily on patience with you. Your quick wit, intelligence, and sarcasm are sometimes quite the naughty trifecta and end you up in hot water. You are funny, but sometimes it needs to be reigned in.
You are so funny girl. And you know it.You make jokes and say the silliest things and you love getting a rise out of people. You will be class clown for sure. No denying that. You know how to work a crowd and though you may be shy in certain surroundings at first, that doesn't last long and in no time you are dancing and hugging and smiling your way through the crowd.

You thrive on people. You LOVE your people. You've adopted some amazing "family" through your friends you've made and through your Dad and my friends. You never meet a stranger and are the girl in the grocery store waving at everyone you pass. You were made to be a social butterfly and you definitely are.

Baby Girl you'll never know how much we love you and how proud we are of who you are becoming. From that tight lipped little smile to the way you bust into "shake your booty" complete with dance moves, you keep us on our toes and keep us laughing at all times. Days can be hard with you but they are also oh so amazing. They broke the mold after you little one. You are our special little nugget. We love you more than the world.

Mama & Dada

these days...

Life is kinda sorta completely insane right now.

At the end of most days, I am completely spent and find myself collapsing on the couch just staring into space as I try to figure out what exactly just happened the past 12 hours.

It's busy.

In a weird way though, I find that I thrive a bit in the chaos. I'm somehow able to get more stuff done, keep the house a bit tidier, and even parent better when I'm so busy I can't slack off. Funny how that works.

So what's going on...

BG is every bit of an almost four year old. She is sassy and funny and so dang smart. She rolls her eyes a bit more and sasses a lot more, but other than that, things with her get a bit easier every day that she's closer to four. One of my best friends and I were talking the other day and she was venting her frustration with the newly three stage and I had to laugh because we were just there and it's already so much better.

Saying that will come back to bite me next week. Just watch.

My job is straight up cra cra right now. We just opened a new office at the beach which had me down there at the beginning of the week. BG was thrilled with that though since she got to spend three days with her Aunt and Uncle and cousin. Let's pretend she was eager to come home with me okay?! ;)

As for everything else, well, things are in a bit of a holding pattern as we try to figure out what happens next. There is just so much happening that we are currently just holding on tight and praying for guidance. That's pretty much all we can do right now.

I wonder sometimes why this blog has fallen by the wayside and why so many of my faves post so much less right now. In my case, I think it's because we've hit a groove. There are far less questions on what to do with this kiddo day to day. I'm starting to figure her out (a little, not a lot!). We've got a schedule and a routine and it's good.

I said that and she just threw a doll over the balcony. That's new. Fun.

it's in your head..

My friend Becca wrote a post the other day that really hit home with me. If you haven't read it, I highly suggest you do as she has such a way with words that you'll quickly find yourself nodding along in agreement with what she's stating.

Our church is also doing a series right now called "Crash the Chatterbox" which is dealing with, in a nutshell, hearing God's voice in our lives over all the others. Sometimes those voices are external, but usually, internal. And they aren't always nice.

They're the voices that tell you you're not thin enough, rich enough, smart enough, or just plain good enough. The ones that tell you that you don't parent "correctly" or that you're "getting it all wrong". Those last two? ones that have been beating me down lately.

This sermon series couldn't have come at a better time and as I read Becca's post last night, I teared up, because ohmygosh I am so there.

Forget all the other things that are beating me down right now, these days, mothering is beating me down. No, that's not true. It's not just being a mother. It's all the other things that come with it.

Three is a hard age y'all. Like super hard. While I absolutely adore my kid, there are times where I have considered just dipping out because I cannot handle one more second of the back talk. Of the outright defiance. Of the more than obvious favoritism of her father than her mother. And while I would never "dip out" (total expression), I find that those nasty little voices in my head get louder and louder the more frustrated I become. And these days, I'm pretty frustrated.

I struggle a lot with things in my past that constantly rear their ugly heads. They beat me down and too often when things get hard, I retreat. I back down. When E is acting out (again), I turn it onto me. She's not being a typical toddler, but instead she is straight out out to get me and then the dark takes over and I can hardly breathe.

In my head I play a game of 2 against 1 a lot. I put E and Mr. P together and they gang up on me. Which, if we're being honest, they do like to do, but I make it malicious and mean which it's so not. So I shut down. Because that's easier than feeling ganged up on any day.

Sunday the preacher made a statement that resonated with me. I didn't write it down so I can't quote it, but it basically went something like this; which voice are you going to let determine the direction of your life. And then he went further asking the question of what we are being kept from when listening to the wrong voices? What relationships are we missing out on or destroying because we are so in our own heads that we can't focus on what's outside?

Guilty.

I'm completely aware that my past and the relationships in my past are 99% of my dark voices. That the voice telling me to "give it up; you'll never be good at this Mom and wife thing" is definitely not His. And please don't think that I'm saying I'm leaving my family because I love my family, I'm just showing you my heart. That I struggle with not feeling good enough. In my head I make that into I don't have to put in the effort because it's all for naught; I will never be good at it.

See how bad that is?

Lately I'm taking E's three year oldness (disclaimer: she is a GOOD kid. She is kind and sweet and smart and oh so lovely. She's also 3 which as any parent to a toddler knows, is full of it's own highs and lows. This post is about my perception not her actual behavior.) and making it personal. I'm making her tantrums into an act of terrorism against me. See how messed up that is?

It's just a tough transition. I've never mothered a toddler. I have no clue what I'm doing and sometimes I forget that that is okay because no one does. Moms of four are still thrown curveballs. I am so not alone.

The key is to just remember that I've been through tough before. A lot. And He has never left my side. He won't now either. So when I feel like E and I are battling it out in the trenches, I know that He's down there with us trying to talk us through it. It's my job to listen. And to tell the other voices to freaking chill. I know it's all in my head, it's just that sometimes it would be so nice to distance myself from that head a bit. Too bad it's attached...