Thursday, April 28, 2011

born this way.

Let's get real here for just a second.

Every single day, I look at my daughter and tell her how pretty she is. Of course I also tell her how smart she is, how funny she is, how sweet she is, and how bad she is (at that moment).

Just being honest.

The other day after I told her how pretty she was for oh, the three thousandth time, a thought raced across my mind. I was told once to not focus compliments on the physical, but instead to focus on intelligence, humor, or something along those lines. The thinking is so that one wouldn't put too much stock in looks, because looks fade.

While I get that, and I wholeheartedly agree that looks aren't everything, sometimes a girl just likes to hear she's pretty.

I hope that I don't raise BG to only focus on looks. Sometimes I feel convicted about the People magazines laying around touting skinny girls all over their covers or the tv shows with ridiculously pretty people running around in super expensive clothes. I don't want my daughter ever to compare herself to those images and feel she comes up short.


I have this odd sense of self confidence. I have NEVER been skinny. When I was in high school, I was super athletic and very toned but I still weighed 150 pounds. Yep. I said it. In numbers. However, it worked for me. Sometimes I felt like a beast among my super skinny friends, but most of the time, I felt great. I dated the most popular guy in school, hung out with all the popular kids, and was Prom Queen. I felt like I owned who I was.

That's not to say that I didn't struggle when I looked in the mirror. My thighs touch. Always have and pretty safe to say, they always will. I have a huge smile with tiny teeth. Lots of gum showing here people. I hate my nose. It has no shape and when I was little I wore a clothespin on it to try and make it skinnier. Didn't work. I got b*oobs at a very young age and tried to tape them down. Now I miss those perky little boogers more than I can even explain. I have very thin, very fine, hard to do anything with hair. Until college, it was board straight and wouldn't do a thing.


I was born that way.

Does that mean that I won't work my arse off to try and get my thighs to freaking separate for the love of all that is holy?

No. I'll work those suckers til I die.

But I've come to accept that I have a big smile. It's actually become my thing earning me endearing nicknames like "the Joker" and being one thing people recognize about me. It's something I search for in my child because I'm dying to pass it down.

My nose? Still blah. And slightly crooked after multiple sports injuries. But it's mine. It tells my stories.

My b*oobs? Well I'm pretty sure they're gone forever. Unless I can convince the hubs that cosmetic surgery would make a great Mother's Day gift one year. Right....

My body tells a story. It tells my story. It's my greatest asset and my greatest insecurity. It carried my child to term, it housed my others for a short time, it walked down the aisle, it paid for college.

It's mine.

I am very well aware that BG will face insecurity. Probably from a very young age thanks to the media and our nation's fascination with size. I just hope that she's confident in who she is, insecurities and all. I hope she owns it and knows that there is a reason she was born the way she is.

So what is it about you that makes you crazy? That you keep hidden? Today is your day.. own it, because as Gaga says "I'm beautiful in my way cause God makes no mistakes, I'm in the right track baby I was born this way".

Word, Gaga, word.


Legallyblondemel said...

Beautifully put, Prom Queen :-). Most of the traits I bemoaned growing up - my freckles, my squinty eyes - I consider my trademarks now, and I also look for signs of those in my boy.

My family rarely made mention of my looks growing up - the emphasis was always on my academic & sports achievements. Looking back, I would have liked a "You're pretty just as you are" or two thrown in there, but overall emphasizing my accomplishments was the right tactic.

Also, is it bad that some days I'm grateful to have a son, so that I don't have to sweat his thinking his thighs are too fat etc.? Of course, then I remember that it's my job to teach him that women & men alike are beautiful for being different, but that initial thought is there.

Sarah said...

Well said! Love that you brought this up- always good for us Mommas to think about. I easily get caught up in saying "You look so beautiful!" from time to time.

I have that same odd self-confidence. I've never been skinny, either. Two years ago I got down to 125 and honestly? I was miserable! Hours a day of cardio and I was eating a Lean Cuisine & a pack of peanut M&M's a day (and about 47000 Diet Cokes). Craziness. I'm a good 30 pounds heavier now... But I eat fairly healthily, work out on a regular basis... Wouldn't be caught DEAD in a bikini, sometimes think I'm going to have a horn go off as I back up, but I get dressed in the morning everyday and think.. "Damn I look good!" lol. I know plenty of ladies who would faint at the thought of having my figure, but I LOVE it most days. It's all about attitude & I can tell that my girls are getting that same "I'm awesome" (but not in a stuck up way!) vibe and I LOVE it!

Jen Watts said...

I have horrible, horrible self confidence, but I am trying to work on it. In high school my nickname was bones because I was so skinny (funny now I miss that slim body). College didn't help much either as I felt like a country hick people made fun of (probably not the case). I really want to raise Carsyn with the utmost confidence. I'm just not sure how. Its tough being a girl!

And your smile btw-Its beautiful :)

A.B. said...

My thighs are bff's. Always have been. Always will be. I have a chineck. Meaning, my chin slopes to my neck. Profile shots are NOT my friend.

BG is beautiful. And everyone needs to hear that. You are too! She's got good genes going for her.

Heather @ Mrs. Southern Bride said...

So true!!! I know better than to compare myself to women on magazine covers who've been photoshopped to death...but I still do sometimes. Every girl wants to hear that she is beautiful in her own special way.

KM said...

Great Post!!! I Love the way you put your true thoughts out there. I wish I had the guts to do that.

There once was this show (can't remember the name) about the ONE thing you hate about yourself. I remember seeing the title and I sat down and made a list of all the things I hated about myself. Let me just tell you I had a HUGE list of cons and ZERO pros. I liked nothing about myself. Really!?!?! How sad is that?

After my list I knew I truly hated a lot about myself because I could not narrow down the ONE thing I did not like the most about myself. On my list (still the same to this day) my arms, my waist, my hair (thin and straight), my double chin, my legs (pale and showing veins), my teeth didn't look WHITE enough and my bony ankles and feet.

You on the other hand, took your list and made it a positive story. Bravo to you *clapping hands* Keep that positive frame of thought for your sweet little BG! She is so lucky to have such a strong and beautiful women as her Mama!!



brown eyed girl said...


I need to learn how to embrace myself, my thighs that touch, my bumpy skin, my fluffy tummy, because they perfectly balance my intellect, my eyes, and my big ol' belly laugh!

Thanks for the reminder! XOXO

The Shabby Princess said...

This is perfect!

I never really thought of myself as pretty, my friends were the pretty ones, the Prom Queen, etc, but, I was popular-ish. High school is a beating, isn't it?

But, the things I used to want to change, and the things I never noticed, now, they mean so much. I have my mom's hands and feet and hair and laugh. I have my dad's nose and my dad's sense of humor. Even though I lost my mom eight years ago, I still have her with me every single day and the feet I used to think were too big? I love them. Because their hers.

I hope that E gets so many of your wonderful qualities!


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