Tuesday, April 26, 2011

i must confess....

In an attempt to "keep it real", which let's be honest, I usually am to the point of being too much so, I'm just putting some stuff out there.

Sometimes I feel like the world's worst Mom because there are times, I can't deal with hearing BG whine for one more second. The other night on the 3 1/2 hour drive home, she screamed/whined/cried the entire trip. Mr. P sat in the driver's seat cool, calm and collected as I just about lost my mind. He told me to "ignore her" (she was fed, dry, just overtired big time) and I looked at him like he was crazy. I could easier ignore someone ripping my fingernails off. It's that bad. Her whining? is like nails on a chalkboard to me. Only far, far worse.

She's at the age where the tantrums come quickly and fiercely. Sometimes by the time her Dad gets home from work, I just want to tag out. She is exhausting me. I know one day I will adore that feisty spirit, but right now... wow. I am tired.

Occasionally I like to go in the bathroom to "use" it, but instead I sit on the floor and read a magazine or catch up on tweets. It is about the only peace and quiet I get these days. I also read in the shower. I've been doing it since I was a teenager and am a pro at it. It's my "me" time.

At night I sneak into BG's room and pick her up and just hold and rock her. Sometimes in the madness that is her being all over the place and the assertion of her very will full spirit, I forget that she is still just a baby. My sweet, sweet baby. At night, in the peace and quiet I just soak up that baby smell that is so quickly fading. Gosh.. I just love her.

Anything you want to get off your chest today?


Jen Watts said...

Yes! May I copy and paste this to my blog??! Seriously-so true! I tried to tell myself I'd never be the mom that said I need a break, but sometimes I need a break! Now, about that ride home-did I ever tell you about the time I drove nearly 2 hours home from my sister's with my arm stretched behind the seat putting the paci back in over and over? Madness!

Meghan said...

If that makes you worst mom, I am there with you! When one of my girls hits that irreconcilable screaming exhaustion fit, I want to punch myself in the face... and my hubby can totally tune it out... yesterday my 10-month old through one of these and I just wanted to walk out of the house, plug my ears, rock back and forth and hum!! And then on top of the intense desire to run far, far away, comes in that blasted mommy guilt! Its a lose-lose!!

Jenna said...

I know how you feel!!! I remember when Brayden was at that age and it is HARD! And Brody has had horrrrible reflux and would scream all day long. When Chris would come home I would go sit in our closet for a little while just for some peace and quiet. I thought I would go crazy! I know this stinks to hear but it WILL get better! I know it doesn't really help you now though! I always tell myself when it's happening to me that somewhere there is another mother going through the same thing. It kinda helps!

Oh and do share how you read in the shower! I love to read but I've never tried it in the shower!

Ashlynn said...

Saw your blog over at Blue Eyed Bride! I just wanted to stop in and say that I must be a bad mom too because I feel like I can't take one more second of whining nearly every day :) I just keep telling myself that it will get better!

A.B. said...

OMG. One day when it was "time" for Ben to be home from work (maybe he was 5 minutes late) and I called him and was like, "please tell me you are coming home." He got here and I had to have a hand off.

It's what makes us good moms. We have to have a little "me" time. How else would we help them learn to have "them" time.

Girl, the car rides... they are the worst. You are one good momma and I'm inspired by your showertime reading. How do you do that???

Kassie said...

My mom always tells my girl cousins (who have babies) that it's healthy when you are angry and overwhelmed to go lock yourself in a closet for a few minutes. You need that time!!

Jennifer said...

I thought Husband was the only one who read in the shower.

Katie @ Loves of Life said...

HOW do you read in the shower?!?!? The only thing I do that is 'weird' to some people in the shower is brush my teeth. lol. Oh, and momma? I hate to rub it in, but your lilypie ticker on your page for BG? Looks like it only goes to 1 year...:( sniffle.

Ashley Paige said...

... Some days? It's okay to put BG (Errm, Carter) in his crib.. close the door and turn off the monitor. Like you said.. fed, dry.. sometimes they just need a good cry. And.. well, Mom does, too. There have definitely been a few days where I've turned the monitor off for 5 minutes. And sat downstairs on the couch, closed my eyes and either cried.. or just tried to reign in my sanity.

This is HARD FREAKIN' WORK! Nobody tells you that.

And i cried a little at the end of your post- reading about how you'll sneak in and pick up a sleeping BG and rock her. These moments.. even the wailing-want-to-knock-your-head-into-the-wall moments.. pass much, much too quick.

I'm always sneaking into Carter's room during nap time and bending over the crib.. smelling his hair.. kissing his ears, his hands, his toes.

Wooh.. Hello, hormones. Well, that's it for this novel :)

Hugs, Mama! XO!

Sassy Engineer said...

I love that you are so honest with your feelings, especially with motherhood. Sometimes knowing the "truth" about what is to come scares me, but it will also make me feel so much better to know other moms have felt the same way.

On a side note - I also love reading in the shower. My husband thinks it is weird, but it is one of my favorite things to do!!!

Anonymous said...

Hot damn, I love me a good magazine reading session on the floor of the bathroom. Been doing that since 1992, girlfriend, nothing wrong with that!

Hope you get a little bit of reading in today and that you're doing well - I love and admire your honesty!

LG said...

First of all those breakfast pictures are spectacular! I love them! So cute and what a camera ham!
I am nervous for these temper tantrums that I know are in my near future! He is VERY good at throwing out his back these days!

Legallyblondemel said...

Girl, I'm so with you here. We're in the midst of cold recovery and cutting a tooth and diaper rash and discovering a temper here, and it's all I can do some days to not tag out when the husband gets home.

And I can totally relate to the flip side of just loving on your baby (toddler!) when she/he's having a gentle moment or asleep. My favorite moment like that is when I'm reading MP his bedtime story, and he's quietly gazing up at me with that perfect love.

Whew, I do feel better just having typed all that. Thanks!

Tahnie said...

I love this post.

I think in blog land it is hard because people either pretend like motherhood is all sugar and rainbows, or all they do is complain about it. It is TOUGH, but I firmly believe we all need to celebrate every minute of it.

My little girl is in the throwing tantrum phase and has started tantrums as well. In fact, she loves to BITE. Oh my. I am in for it.



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