Sunday, January 6, 2013

one year.

It's been one year since I lost my Grandma. One year since I got the phone call that changed my life. One year since my Dad and his sisters lost their Mom.

One year in which she wasn't at parties, birthdays, or holidays. One year in which she didn't call just to check in. One year in which visits to Savannah didn't consist of visits with her. One year in which Georgia football had one less, very enthusiastic, fan cheering them on.

If I could pick one word for last year, it would be loss. Between the loss of my Grandma, friends, Mr. P's grandfather, jobs, and a home we loved, 2012 was hard. And sort of awful. I spent a lot of last year counting in terms of "without". My first birthday without my Grandma. First party thrown without her help. First Christmas without her. The whole year had an overall sense of sadness.

Now, it's a new year. And since so far it's already started off a bit better than 2012, I'm hoping it will be a year with a bit more positive spin on it. One can only hope anyway.

It's been one year. One year and I still miss her more than I even knew possible. One year and I still can't think of her without my throat getting tight. One year.

I miss you Grandma. That's really what it boils down to. I just plain miss her.


Jaclyn_Rose said...

Aww I'm so sorry and definitely hope 2013 is a better year for you... you should read my blog, it has started off VERY different from last year (I just got admitted to hospital on Friday for pregnancy complications and now my daughter just got admitted for asthma issues! Yay for 2012!)

Anyways one thought I had reading this was "it's better to have loved and lost, than to never have loved at all."

While you won't be making any new memories with your Grandma, you obviously have sooo many that you can cherish and pass along to you daughter!

Erin said...

I'm kind of at a loss for words, but my heart is aching for you after reading this. Hope you find comfort in her memory, and embrace the new year with the positivity I know you have!

Pineapples and Pickles said...

Know exactly how you feel, sweetie. Missing grandmas isn't easy. Thinking of you tonight.

SEL said...

The pain of losing a loved one never really goes away. We just learn to celebrate their life more than focusing on their passing.

Lauren said...

I totally get it... It's coming up on the one year that our dad passed away!! Oh I so totally get it! Hugs friends!!!


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