{almost} wordless wednesday

Yep. It's about Christmas. I'm catching up this week for sure.

We busted out the gingerbread house for a fun Christmas activity one night. We might have eaten as much as we put together. Who cares though. It was a blast and the little one absolutely loved getting to help. Such a fun activity for her at this age!

Oh. And that thing is still hanging out on our kitchen counter. My Mama heart might tear up a bit when I finally throw it away.

so what?

So what if I haven't linked up with Shannon in forever? I missed it and there's no time like the present to jump right back in right? This weed I'm saying "so what if.."

- I sent my kid to school today just so that I'd have 8 uninterrupted hours to get stuff done. But not important stuff, computer stuff. As in I'm sitting here at 3:30 pm still unshowered and haven't moved all day. But I'm almost caught up editing and posting pictures and knocking out a few blog posts. So yay.

- I just ordered BG's one year photo book. She'll be three in 2 months. Yea.

- I have lost all motivation to run again. The problem is that I can't just hop out my front door and start going. It kills me that I have to get in the car and drive somewhere to run. I can talk myself out of going way too easily knowing I have to get in the car.

- I still have Christmas gifts that need to be sent out. Oops.

- I am already ridiculously excited for St. Patrick's Day. KP and I ordered the girls' outfits yesterday and I am out of mind excited for this years festivities. It's almost March right?!

- I can't quit eating chocolate frosting. Add that to the not running and it's just not pretty. What is wrong with me?!

- I'm headed to Charlotte in a couple of weeks for a week and I am ready to go like now. So looking forward to a week of fun (and work, but whatever).

- I'm kind of ready to go get my kid and head to the park even though I'm not completely done with my to-do list. Must. Stay. Focused.

the one with another christmas activity.

Back in December, my SIL and I decided to meet up in their town about an hour away to check out a Christmas lights display they had there. So one evening, Mr. P and I packed up the little and hit the road to the beach.

The Internet talked this "light display" up big time; Santa's Village, live animals, lights galore, "snow" to play in, and so much more, and since everything on the Internet is true, I was beyond excited to take BG.

Ha. In their defense, it was ridiculously cold and sort of rainy, but the display was nothing like I was expecting. As in, I could see more Christmas lights driving home from work. But all for the experience right?

In true BG form, she took off for the animals immediately. They were her favorite part of course. There were also characters to see (you won't see pictures of BG with them as she literally took off running when they came near), crafts to do, and the "snow" to play in which was a few white flecks of something on a tarp which BG promptly through herself down into and had a blast.

Oh to be two.

We had a good time though. There was music to dance too and corn (?) to roll around in. Plus, BG's face as we drove through the lights? made it all worth it. Even though she almost jumped off the hay ride through the light display when the Rudolph character climbed on and sat beside her. He was pretty dang scary.

As fun as it was to get together with the brother and his crew, I think we might skip this one next year. Oh well, chalk it up to memory making.

an update.

I am so, so behind on blogging. It's going to be Valentine's Day before I blog Christmas. I just know it.

But for today, a catch up.

I mentioned that right before Christmas, we spent an evening in the ER with Nursemaid's Elbow and then a couple of days later, noticed BG was rocking a fever. Well that kept up, so on Christmas Eve, we headed back up to the ER where she was diagnosed with the flu and pneumonia. Good times.

So she was one sick kiddo on Christmas. Mr. P ended up catching either the flu or some 24 hour thing, because he was also down for the count on Christmas. Fortunately he bounced back pretty quick, but BG has been "off" since.

We've battled breathing issues with her for a while now. We've been told numerous times that she has Reactive Airway Disease and she's been doing treatments for that for about two years now. I'm assuming the pneumonia triggered her RAD because she's been getting progressively worse for weeks now.

On Saturday, Mr. P and BG took a long walk through the woods and she stopped him numerous times and told him that she "needed to breathe Daddy". He ended up carrying her home and through the day Saturday, her cough flared up again and she got progressively worse.

By Sunday morning, she couldn't catch her breath she was coughing so hard and she just plain looked awful. So we aborted our trip to church and instead headed to Urgent care where she was diagnosed as having a full on asthma attack.

According to the doctor at Urgent Care, these frequent coughing fits she has have probably all been asthma attacks. I had no clue. I too have asthma problems, but an attack for me leaves me gasping for air and feeling like I can't breathe at all; not coughing. I felt awful for not getting this.

So we're following up with her doctor and treating her as if she does asthma. We're trying to figure out her triggers (anyone want a cat?? we think he may be one :(), we're trying new meds to see which ones might keep an attack at bay, and we're adding in fast acting inhalers for her to take to school and such. This bums me out big time as I don't want this to be a limitation on her.

Moms of toddlers/children with asthma: how did you figure out their "triggers"? We also think physical activity is one because after ten minutes of hard core play yesterday, she was in another full blown attack. But how do you keep a toddler calm?! This is so frustrating.

I can't wait for summer. Please let this sickness end.

Other than the asthma thing, BG is doing really well. She is growing way too fast and every single day I see less toddler and more little girl. I'll do an update on her soon.
I've been pretty blah lately and I really feel like I've been having some food issues. I've been working to cut out some items as I tend to have migraines and wake up feeling "hungover" if I eat certain things. Chinese food almost did me in the other night. Pretzels seem to be pretty hard on me and the dumplings Mr. P made the other night made my eye feel like it was about to explode.

I've convinced myself that it's time to go to the doctor and get a full work up done. Turning 30 as well as some other factors have me convinced I'm not as young as I once was. I constantly feel like I'm in a fog (only way I can describe it) and I've noticed some circulation issues. So it's off to the doctor I go. Once I make the appointment that is.

I've got some pretty big changes on the job front but I'm not blogging about that yet as I haven't gotten up the courage to make a few necessary steps. I should work on that.

We are settling in quite nicely in Florence and have even started thinking about looking for houses here. Now if we decide to buy instead of rent, well... I'm not sure we are quite there yet, but it wouldn't break our hearts to stay a while.

Things are good. Everyone is happy and (mostly) healthy. I guess that's about all we can ask for right? :)

the one with the live nativity.

I'm a sucker for a fun Christmas activity.

Drive thru lights? Check. Multiple Santa visits? Check. Christmas Eve service? Check.

I love it all.

So when Anna alerted me to a drive-thru Nativity in the area, I immediately told Mr. P what we were doing that weekend and plans were set.

You had the option to walk thru or drive-thru, but since the drive-thru was kind of hands on, we went with that option. Also BG started howling about how she had to, ahem, use the restroom that very second as we were pulling up and the line to walk thru was much shorter so.... walking it was.

BG kind of loved it. They had all kinds of live animals and all the different scenes of the weeks leading up to Christ's birth played out. BG was fascinated by it all.

Plus, she scored a leather bracelet and free hot chocolate. She was golden.
Seriously worth going back too. Didn't take us long to walk through and BG loved it and loved getting to hear the Christmas story. We'll be adding it to our "must do" list next year.

our anderson christmas

So let's play catch up a bit shall we?

At the beginning of December (oh yes, I'm THAT far behind), we went down to Anderson for a weekend with our best friends.

Other than almost losing her at a rest station and the endless "are we there yet??" questions, the trip down was actually pretty uneventful. We met up with Stacy and Zo at the mall in Greenville to just look around some before heading on down to Anderson.

BG and I got there first and perused the kids' clothing section for a bit while we waited on the girls. We also avoided the Santa hanging out in the department like the plague. That was fun.

When they showed up and the two littles locked eyes, it was over. They both gave each other shy smiles and then it was like no time had even passed. They giggled, they chased each other, they wrestled around the mall play place. It was fantastic.

We had to separate them for the drive back to Anderson and I basically had to swear on my life to BG that they would be back together soon. They were not okay with being apart again. Thank goodness we had a weekend of fun planned for them.

S and her husband planned a little cookout for that night so we got to see a few more old friends and have a few laughs over drinks and football before we girls decided to pack up the kiddos and head into town to check out the Lights of Hope. We drove through twice as the kiddos "oohed" and "aahed" over every single light and we girls managed to continue to catch up over the squeals of joy and the sounds of Christmas music on the radio. It was fantastic.

After the second loop through the lights, we decided to park and check out Santa's Village. Based on the girls' reaction to Santa at the mall earlier that day (they were fine to wave from afar but there would be NO lap sitting apparently), I was a bit nervous to see how this Santa trip would go. I needn't have worried.

Zo wanted zero to do with him, but BG? BG loved him. And even though she had an accident in my perfectly planned out Christmas outfit before even leaving the house, leaving her in a less than "Christmasey" outfit, I had to oblige her getting to sit with him. And then I had to oblige my "Mom needs every picture ever" and had to buy one. Because duh. And also because that smile. Duh.

After letting the kids run out a bit of their rambunctiousness in Santa's Village, we packed it back up and headed home. S and I did everything we could to get the girls calm and ready for bed, but it was all for naught. They weren't having it. They were too, too excited to be together.

They wanted to sleep together, but that was a hot mess of disaster that we finally had to split up when Zo's crying was frustrating BG so bad that she tried to make it stop with a pillow. True story. They got separated.

Finally, they hit the hay and S and I got some much needed catch up time over a couple of bottles of wine. It was good for my soul. I so miss my friend.

Way too few hours later, the girls were up. And raring to go. S and Zo spoiled us and BG had a few presents to open that morning. Ms. Stacy knows my girl. You can't fake that kind of smile.

That afternoon, we all packed up and headed downtown for the annual Christmas parade. BG and I have been to this parade every year she's been alive and I was so thrilled we were able to make it this year. This year was also the best one yet as most of BG's favorite people (family not included) were there. She was literally giddy with excitement when she laid eyes on "Miss Bitme" and MK.

The parade was amazing. BG and Zo danced and clapped and had an absolute blast. They managed to climb into Britt's lap for a good portion of the show leaving her almost immobile with a lap full of babies, but they weren't stepping more than two inches from her. They sure do love that lady.

We had an absolute blast. I was so sad when the parade was over.

But Britt had another surprise in store. She took us to one of the town's spas that was holding an "afterparty" of sorts full of cupcakes and face painting and yep, even Santa! MK and BG climbed up their together, but once again, Zo was not having it. No Santa picture for that girl this year!

After cupcakes, we made our way to the face painting where B managed to convince BG that she needed a reindeer on her face. Since my child pretty much adores Britt, that didn't take too much convincing. So she climbed right on up. Only the lady didn't do a tiny, little reindeer on her cheek like we were expecting. Oh no. The lady painted my sweet girl's entire face into a reindeer (or a Cats cast member, you be the judge), and while we adults were absolutely crying with laughter, my sweet girl sat as still as a stone while she got her face painted for "Miss Bitme".

Seriously. Sometimes this child is so sweet I can literally feel my heart aching.

When it was done, she took off to go show Britt how it looked. She was a little proud I would say.

I'm telling you, if you manage to find friends that love your children as you do, you are beyond blessed. Mr. P and I? we are beyond blessed in that department.

All too soon, it was time to wrap it up. The last thing I wanted to do was get in that car and drive away from that town. From these people.

Coming home to Mr. P was amazing, but I'd be lying if a little piece of my heart isn't back with these people in Anderson.

And clearly so is BG's. When I picked her up from school the next day, I asked her how her day was and if she liked her class.

She responded "yep" to which I said "Oh good! So you want to go back to school tomorrow?".

To which she responded "I'll go back to school tomorrow. But it's going to be Miss Bitme's school".

Ouch. Sigh.

Guess we'll be putting another trip on the calendar soon.

back to good

The last couple of years have been rough. Really rough.

As I see posts flying around the blog world with "words of the year" listed, I can't help but think about what exactly my word would be.

To be honest, for the longest time I had no idea. Content would be a good one, but I don't think strong enough for what I hope for in 2013. Secure would actually fit because with all the upheavals of the past two years, I absolutely would love to have a feeling of security for just a few seconds.

But nothing fit.

My blog has been pretty silent lately and one would think that would be because there's nothing to say, but that's far from the truth. The truth would be that my insides and my thoughts have been in turmoil for a very long time and I have yet to find the way to spit that out on this screen.

Back to my word.

In 2013 I wish for one thing; peace.

I wish for decisions made in God's will that bring us peace. I wish for financial decisions to be made that can finally bring us peace in our financial situation. I wish for a sense of peace on where our family is headed next.

It's not really fair to say that things have been bad the last couple of years because that would imply that I'm not happy. And I am happy. So freaking happy. But things have been rough. They've been bumpy and rocky and turbulent and honestly, I'm tired. I just need some peace and quiet.

In 2013 I need resolution. Resolution to open ended issues that have been around for years. Resolution on big decisions.

Resolution will bring peace.

I just want things to get back to good. I want a few less stress induced headaches. I want a few less sleepless night. I want a few less open ended issues hanging around.

I want peace.

2012: a look back

So I took a bit of a break in December. And that's quite the understatement.

To tell you the truth, I'm still not quite sure that my heart is in the right place for blogging. And I have no idea why.

But I started blogging over four years ago with the intention of telling our family story and even though blogging has changed a lot since I started, deep down, I still really want to share our story. I haven't decided how much or with whom I will keep sharing but right now, I haven't felt that definite call to say "stop" so I'm going to keep going.

What better way than with a little look back over the past year? I love reading these posts from everyone else and my past ones are still so fun for me to look back on so I'm doing it again, with the hopes that this post just might recharge my blogging juices.

Oddly enough, this year ends a bit like 2011 with still so much up in the air and so few answers. 2012 kind of sucked over all and I'm truly hoping and praying that 2013 brings a bit more good news and a bit less bad news than the past two. Please? And thanks?

January:
We started the year quietly at home and it was awesome. BG started the year (and ended the year oddly enough) sick. We battled RSV and ear infections for months and finally she got tubes this month. My sweet, sweet Grandma lost her battle with cancer but got to go home to her Heavenly Father. We buried my Grandma, my brother got engaged, and we found out I was getting a niece in a whirlwind of a week. I battled some serious issues with saying good-bye to one of my favorite people. We traveled to Myrtle Beach for Christmas with my soon to be sister-in-laws family. We lost a dear family friend. We took a little trip back down to the SAV to spend some time with my Papa. BG's hearing impressed dramatically after tubes.

February:
I shared my heart on being a working Mom. Mr. P's grandfather passed away. My best friend came up to SC to visit. BG hit 22 months and her personality absolutely took off. Mr. P and I got to celebrate Valentine's Day with lunch just the two of us (!) while BG took the crafts I made (!) to school for her school party. I waxed poetic about my "glory days". BG and I traveled back to Savannah to see a good friend get married and spend some time with our best pals.
March:
This month started off bad for me as I continued to deal with my thoughts on my Grandma's death, BG got sick (again), and I dealt with a bit of depression (thank you winter). We discovered a new park not far from our house that would become one of our favorite places to frequent. We ventured down to Savannah for yet another amazing St Patrick's Day. Baby Girl got sick; again. The toddler-tude showed up big time. A little person's speech absolutely took off. BG had a blast at her friend T's birthday party.
April:
BG started her birthday month off right with a party at school. BG turned two. We traveled down to Atlanta to take BG to the aquarium for her second birthday. We celebrated Easter. We had a "Very Fairy Birthday" party to celebrate our sweet girl's birthday. BG rocked her two year well visit. The little and I participated in the March of Dimes walk in town. I painted BG's toenails for the very first time!
May:
BG and I traveled with friends down to Columbia for a sweet friend's birthday party. My little brother got married. We had a little vacation in Myrtle Beach in which BG had her first real "beach day" and she didn't love it (sads). Mr. P and I celebrated our SEVENTH anniversary. I celebrated my third Mother's Day with my girl. We began (sort of) potty training (again). BG had "water day" at school and absolutely loved every second. Mr. P turned thirty five. Aunt Ashley came down for Memorial Day and we had a blast of a weekend. We traveled down to Charleston and BG got to play on the beach with a new friend and she loved it this time.
June:
Mr. P was a groomsman in his best friend's wedding down in Charleston. My brother became a Dad and I became an Aunt (!). BG got to meet her cousin for the first time and my heart almost exploded. I shared my heart on how motherhood is not super easy for me. We showed Mr. P all kinds of love on his third Father's Day and made a weekend out of family fun. BG's love for all things baby exploded. The little one was diagnosed with a lazy eye and began rocking a fierce patch. BG wore diapers for the very last time..
July:
BG went out in public for the first time in "big girl pants"! We went to our church's Fourth of July fireworks display. We celebrated the Fourth of July in absolutely no red, white, and blue. I wrote down my wishes to my girl. Mr. P and I got to see ZZ Top in concert. We traveled down to Savannah for a weekend with most of the family, including the newest addition. We got almost the whole crew back together in Savannah for dinner one night. We began frequenting the local water park with our bffs. I realized just how good our days around here are. I joined a running club in town. I let BG play hooky from school one day and we went to see her first movie.
August:
Mr. P had a big time job change and we found out we would be moving; again. We spent a day out on the boat with our dear friends. My Mom came to visit. We decided to cram in as much fun as possible in our little town before the big move. BG started pre-school. I tried to deal with my feelings on leaving the place I called "home". BG fell in love with a baby squirrel. I ran my second 5k with a dear friend after weeks of running together. BG and Zo had their first spend the night party.
September:
We went and said good-bye to "Miss Bitme" and met Mary Kate. We went to the park with Zo for the last time. We said good-bye to our best friends. :( We spent our last night in our house in Anderson. We moved to the country. I turned thirty. BG and I spent a lot of time trying to figure out our new roles together. I wrote (again) about how special my love for my daughter is.
October:
BG and I had our first park playdate with some new friends. BG is now 2 1/2 and just seems so grown. The little and I traveled down to Savannah to see my best friend get married. The three of us went to the fair with Uncle Marine, Aunt Kiki, and the baby. Mr. P spent the better part of six weeks training in Columbia but finally came home for good this month. I took some time off work between moves to just spend time with BG and it was awesome. We took the Wubbie away and the child quit napping (sad). I admitted that I am weak. I shared my heart on the responsibility I feel being a "girl mom". We traveled to the pumpkin patch with some new friends. We drug Daddy out to another pumpkin patch. We took family pictures. We met Uncle Marine and his crew at the pumpkin patch for yet one more pumpkin adventure. My girl was the prettiest princess you ever did see on Halloween.
November:
We drove back to Anderson for a day visit. BG and I wrapped up our days of 24/7 togetherness. We voted. I went back to work. Thanksgiving happened. I shared my story.
December:
We picked out our Christmas tree. BG and I went back to Anderson for a visit. We attempted the Living Christmas Tree at church. The three of us went to a live Nativity here in town and BG loved it. One of my best friend's came to town resulting in a much needed girl's night. We went to Myrtle Beach to check out Christmas lights with Uncle M's crew. BG had her Christmas program at school. WE ended up in the ER twice in one weekend; once with a nursemaid's elbow, once with the flu and pneumonia. We saw Santa in between ER visits. BG was sick as all get out on Christmas Eve and Day. My Aunt and Papa came down for Christmas. BG and I travled with Uncle Marine and his crew to Maryland for a few days. Uncle Marine, Aunt Kiki and I partied for the first time in a long time on New Years Eve but still made it home for the ball drop.

2012 was a doozy but it was full of so many heart so full moments. I kind of can't wait to see what 2013 is going to bring. I've got amazing family, the best friends, and so much laughter in my life that I just know it's going to be epic.

Or at least it better be. ;)

one year.

It's been one year since I lost my Grandma. One year since I got the phone call that changed my life. One year since my Dad and his sisters lost their Mom.

One year in which she wasn't at parties, birthdays, or holidays. One year in which she didn't call just to check in. One year in which visits to Savannah didn't consist of visits with her. One year in which Georgia football had one less, very enthusiastic, fan cheering them on.

If I could pick one word for last year, it would be loss. Between the loss of my Grandma, friends, Mr. P's grandfather, jobs, and a home we loved, 2012 was hard. And sort of awful. I spent a lot of last year counting in terms of "without". My first birthday without my Grandma. First party thrown without her help. First Christmas without her. The whole year had an overall sense of sadness.

Now, it's a new year. And since so far it's already started off a bit better than 2012, I'm hoping it will be a year with a bit more positive spin on it. One can only hope anyway.

It's been one year. One year and I still miss her more than I even knew possible. One year and I still can't think of her without my throat getting tight. One year.

I miss you Grandma. That's really what it boils down to. I just plain miss her.