Friday, June 5, 2009

overwhelmed.

My thoughts are all over the place this morning so please bear with me....

Lately I have been feeling so overwhelmed I can barely breathe. The stress at work is at an all time high, we've got misbehaving dogs, the Mr. had some possible job changes coming up, and in less than two months we're supposed to go through this baby process again.

I am freaking out.

Let me let you in on a little secret about me. I never relax. I never chill out. I'm super envious of people that can and do, but I don't. My morning starts off insane as I barely give myself 30 minutes to get out the door. Yea, so I love my sleep. I start my rushing around first thing in the morning and it doesn't stop til I come home. I'm constantly on the go at work and then when I get off at five I'm still going. I usually hit the gym or hit the pavement for a run, then come home and do the shred if I went running. If I go to the gym, I'm there for easily almost 2 hours. When I get home, I do my "chores". I constantly feel like I'm trying to combat 3 dogs messes, my mess, and the Mister's mess. I've made a chore list with different things to get done every day. Somewhere in there I have to eat dinner. If I do sit down to watch tv or something, I constantly think about what needs to be done and usually get up to do it. It's a sickness really!! I try to do some reading of blogs, catching up on emails at nite before I shower and get ready for bed and I fall into bed exhausted about 11 just to wake up at 6 the next morning. Gah.

Now I realize I'm fixing to *ahem get a little visitor so I'm prone to be more cranky right now, but at this very moment I feel like I'm about to lose it.

I'm not kidding. I almost killed my dog this morning. I almost killed the Mr. because he let Duke (the dog that was supposed to stay locked up last nite) out at some point. There was a mess again and I almost bawled cleaning it up. I feel like I'm doing so much to keep our little house clean and I'm not getting anywhere. It is really, really bothering me..

Then I opened my e-mail this morning. I signed up for the Proverbs 31 ministry emails a while ago and every now and then one touches me. Here's a snippet from this mornings:

"For the Son of Man came to seek and to save what was lost." Luke 19:10 (NIV)

I recall the first time my youngest son, Parker, water-skied. He was having a great time while he was being pulled along by the boat. When he fell and let go of the rope, the connection to the boat was broken. Panic gripped his face as he watched the boat leave him behind. Dangling in unknown waters filled Parker with a sense of uncertainty. Anxious thoughts plagued his mind as he wondered whether or not his lifejacket was trustworthy.

It was only when the boat turned around and headed back in his direction that peace took hold again. When we pulled Parker back into the boat, he said with relief, "I didn't think anyone saw me fall. I thought you were gone for good ." This is the kind of fright and worry we live with when we are not connected to God. We know that we can only tread water for so long on our own without the security of a boat.

The cross of Christ is our lifeboat that saves us from drowning in a sea of sin and selfishness. Christ's work on the cross has mended the partnership between God and us. However, some people don't realize that life is a partnership with God. Because sin separates us from God, the anxieties and burdens in life weigh heavy on our souls. Until we learn to trust Christ's provision, we'll never find peace. In fact, anyone living apart from God can expect to be plagued by phobias, fears, and anxieties. Until a person is reconciled to God, they are unpredictable and anxious creatures. Like Parker, their greatest need is a lifeboat.

Fearless living is achieved by making the choice to partner with God. Only then will our faith become stronger than all our fears. If you and I want to be rid of worry, we must first stop trusting in the things of this world. Instead, we must learn to put the weight of our burdens and cares on Christ who died for us.

Secondly, we need to refocus. Self-centeredness breeds anxiety. In truth, worry and stress are really symptoms of self-sufficiency and a lack of trust in God. When we take the focus off of ourselves and place it on God, it makes all the difference. Our troubles look small in comparison to our great God.

Finally, we must commit ourselves wholly to God. The Bible says "all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God" (Romans 3:23, NIV). That means that you and I have missed the mark. We can't get to God any other way except through His Son, Jesus. Whoever wants Christ, and believes He is the Son of God, has been given the full benefit of being God's child.

The truly happy person is the one who has placed her trust in Christ alone for salvation. She has discovered that Christ's saving grace is the solution to sin, egotism, waywardness, and fears. You can see a profound difference in the person who chooses Christ as her lifeboat. Anxiety dissolves away and peace rules the heart and mind.


Uh thanks. Could this have been more directed at me?!

I've been slacking on my quiet times, I've been slacking on my prayers, and I missed church last week when we were in Charleston. I don't think it's a coincidence that I feel this overwhelmed and this alone when I've been spending no time with my Father. All this stuff down here truly does not matter. The dust can wait, the e-mails can wait, even the blogs can wait (gasp!), but what can't is my time with my God and my time with my husband. I feel disconnected from Mr. P as well when I let my mind on these dangerous bouts of anger and resentment that I'm feeling right now. When I'm running around like a chicken with my head cut off, my relationship with him suffers.

So I need to re-evaluate some stuff. I need to spend a bit more time with my very important relationships. Now don't worry, I'm not going anywhere. My blog has become my sanity and my way to get my feelings out, so I'm afraid you're stuck with me. But I've got to re-organize my priorities and get my heart back where it needs to be. The ways of the world are doing their best to drown me and it's time to fight back. I've got to work on not bringing home my stress from work and directing it at the ones at home and to let the stress at home be shared with Mr. Perfect because I can't do it all alone....

But seriously. My dog might need some prayers until I can get calmed down!!

10 comments:

Jennifer said...

Oh girl, I am here for you and praying for you and your dog too :)

Tiffany said...

Wow I can't believe how similar our thoughts have been lately. You put my thoughts recently into words of your own. I have been feeling so overwhelmed with my schedule, my life, and my puppy. Recently I've been realizing that I need to step back and focus on the most important things: my fiance and my God. I can relate so much to this blog. You are in my prayers as you work through balancing things.

Lindsey said...

Aw friend, prayers and hugs!!

Jennifer said...

Thanks for the wedding tips! We might see each other when we are out to eat our mexican if we go to the same place, ha! That would be too funny! I was going to email you but I didn't see your email address on your blog, so I am going to ask you here. I know you said you have some vendor info from when you got married. I was hoping you could forward everything to me that you could. We are still in the very early stages, but it would be great to have all the info we can. Also, please tell me who your photographer was so that we don't go with that one! I have my heart set on one but it is so expensive!!! I am trying to find one that is cheaper and that I still like. Thanks for all of your help and tips!

jlc said...

oh wow we are so alike.


i'm always worrying about something in the future and i can't nap since Sam left.


hope the dogs start acting better soon!!

MissJody said...

Wow...I met someone with my life too.Sounds like me! I don't feel so alone anymore!
My blog is my outlet also.
Sometimes a litearlly have to just count to ten, take a deep breath..and just focus.
You'll be fine girl! :)

SassyEngineer said...

Hey Lady! I definitely feel you, just as you said in your comment to me. I'll be praying for you to. Isn't it crazy how sometimes when you are feeling down, God just speaks to you?! I hope you had a good weekend. We'll make it through together :)

Enginerd said...

no idea how i missed this post. because it is exactly how i feel most of the time! i am seriously incapable of relaxing. i'm capable of full-on denial that nothing is wrong, but i still feel the burden.

after i posted my blog earlier, i just went and laid in bed with hubby. just laid there and thought about all of the good things. we have a great marriage, nice home, electricity and food. that is so much more than many others!

re-evaluating priorities is a big step and i will be cheering for you! sometimes you have to step back, take a look at things, and commit yourself to improving. the only person that can make a difference is yourself! i know you (and pups!) will be fine. :)

Saskia said...

I hope you managed to refocus a little over the weekend. Sometimes things need to come to ahead to make you re-evaluate everything. I completely understand how overwhelmed you felt... I have felt like that too in the past. Don't ever feel guilty about making time for YOU and doing something indulgent just for yourself... You deserve it!

x

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