Monday, August 29, 2011

laid back.

Time and time again I get comments on how laid back I seem with Baby Girl. Especially for a first time Mom.

It's true to an extent; I don't get worked up over food on the floor (five ten second rule was made for a reason), if she cries when I drop her off somewhere, I still leave her every time knowing she'll be fine the minute I'm out of sight (I'm not heartless; I listen around the corner to make sure she does chill out). I pick my battles with her already; there's no fighting over clothes or shoes. If she wants to wear something, she wears it (unless we're headed to church). I'm all for individuality.

We didn't really baby proof. Of course we covered the light sockets and locked up the cleaning supplies (we're not trying to kill her), but the rest? We figure she needs to learn about and figure out on her own. I don't stress about her messes because they'll be cleaned up one day and if they're there, it's proof that my babe is here and alive and well and making messes. I'm not at all concerned about her paci. I figure she won't take it to kindergarten and the whole messing up her mouth thing? Well, I never took a paci a day in my life and had horrible teeth. So there's that. We'll take it away eventually.

My laissez faire attitude seems to have rubbed off a bit on my child. She's pretty chill (usually) and goes with the flow. She doesn't usually have a problem being dropped off at the nursery or sitter( USUALLY doesn't, currently we're having some issues), she's comfortable in almost every situation, and when she falls, she gets up, checks out our reaction and when she sees we're fine, she's fine.

Problem. It's time to take a stand on discipline.

I'll admit; I'm struggling with this. What the heck works with a toddler?? I tried time out one time just to get her to calm the heck down and all she did was sit in a chair and scream. Super fun. I am not opposed to spanking (don't get riled up people, I said spanking not beating), but I don't feel like it's the answer to every little issue.

I tend to lack sticktoitofness as I've said before, but I know this is an issue where this girl has to be a bit more firm. Great. Since I'm SO good at that.

So what worked for y'all? This isn't meant to be a bash parenting styles post (and comments that do will be deleted), just an honest inquiry. Keep in mind that my child is VERY headstrong. She is go with the flow until the flow tells her "no". Then she's balls out pissed off. And will spend hours trying to figure out a way to beat the system.

Discipline sucks. But at the same time, I don't want to have that kid at school that no one can stand because she's such a brat. I'm also not planning on raising a hooligan. So...

I'm trying to nip this in the bud. Currently, I got to be honest, most of our issues come about when she's over tired. Solution; don't let her get over tired. But I know it's coming. I figure I better have my arsenal packed with some tips before she catches me off guard.

I sound like I'm going to war. Hmm... :gulp:.


Meg said... first daughter is pretty low key temper wise...we don't call it time out, but if she gets mad or upset or overly emotional (think whiner, crocidile tears) we tell her to get somewhere until she feels better. And that works for her...sometimes it involves a little more screaming and a little more tears, but she works it out on her own. My second daughter, well, she sounds a lot like BG, she can already throw a mega-fit about that N-O word and she's 14 months old. If she gets uncontrollable temper-wise, she gets put in her bed...and stays there until she's quiet...this is something that Daddy is better at than me...but it usually takes less than 5 minutes for her to work it out. We do pop hands when saying "no" and we've popped hineys before too. Good luck! If I know anything, its that EVERY child is different...and my two even share the same blood! haha

Ashley said...

Ha! No toddlers here yet, but I may need to make a notebook of the suggestions you get. Ha! And I'm sure you are better with discipline than you think. : )

Lindsey said...

We sound very similar.. however, should I be locking up those chemicals? ;) kidding people. I just need to be more consistent on keeping that lock on. I remember my sister saying that if you do a time out so to speak, they are to sit there for their age. Meaning, if she is 1, she sits for 1 minute, 2, 2 minutes, etc. Good luck!

Brown Girl said...

I really don't think BG needs discipline, I think she is just too darn cute to discipline!! ;0

Rachel said...

Connor just turned 1 and we are having the same issue. When you tell him 'no' he throws a fit - I'm talking lays down in the floor and screams. We've tried smacking his hands and it does no good (he actually smacked his own hand once after repeating a behavior!!).

I've found that getting down on his level (by stopping down), firmly telling him no and giving him a reason (I think that's important), and removing him from the situation (like, if he's getting in the trash can - I'll move him to somewhere else) is the best for him. He still throws a fit sometimes, but we just ignore him and walk away. It takes about 10 seconds, then he is up and playing!

I'm very laid back about things, too (MUCH more than I thought I would be) - and this has been our first REAL parenting challenge. He's not even 13 months old, but he already knows how to push my buttons!!

Fidgeting Gidget said...

Since I'm not blessed enough yet to be a parent, I can't vouch for what works day to day, but I do have 9 nieces and nephews that are 9 and under from 3 different families, and watching the differences in the ways they've been disciplined (or not) and how it has affected them as they grow has been very interesting. I think that the most important thing that I've seen (and done when I've had them in my care) is to pick something and stick with it. All they need is consistency. If they do something once and they're disciplined for it, they may not like it, and it may take a few times for them to figure it out, but eventually, if the punishment is always the same, they're able to decide if the risk is worth the reward, so to speak. I think that BG will probably have to throw a few fits and you'll just have to let her do it until she knows exactly what's expected of her. The tantrums are frustrating to deal with, but it will all be worth it in the long run.

Jen Watts said...

ok, No does not work for my near 1 year old, but I know she understands it because she tells me no. I can't wait to hear what works for you.

KM said...

I wish I had an answer for you. When you find out let me know!

My Lil' Man is learning how to scream, fall to the floor, and get all dramatic. It is like a scene out of a movie. I will be honest, I laugh at times when he does this because A) He is so darn cute and B) he is so darn cute when throwing fits. When I am not laughing I will just ignore the fits and that has been working. I think he wants to put on a show.

A few weeks ago I was having a hell of a time with him whining. It was non-stop and I was going insane. I tried the time out business and he would sit in time out and cry. Once I came to get him with his tear stained eyes and him signing sorry, it broke my Mama heart. Time outs have been put on stop....not strong enough. Instead, I count to three, crazy because he can't count, but I get that look and tone of voice and by time I get to two he stops! I think C's main reason for whining is he lacks "using" his words. He is talking a little more and it seems to be helping. The constant praise I am giving him for using words seems to be killing his whining spells.

Heck, what am I talking about? I am not perfect and neither is my child, but maybe something I said might help! Good Luck Girl =)


Dan and Liz said...

I'm pretty sure our kids are the same. The only "sam proofing" we did here are the outlets and a few cabinets. We have 14 stairs (3 tiles the rest carpet) in our house and ever since Sam learned to crawl, we've done it w/out a gate or anything. I'm totally on the same page as you...just let them learn, like they are one of us. THE best.

I've had to put Sam in time out a handful of times. I give him two chances and after that, he goes to his room with the door shut for 2 mins. He can cry, bang on the door, read a book, play with a toy...whatever, I don't care as long as he knows it's time out. After the 2 mins, I go get him and act like nothing ever happened and we go along with our day. Consistency is key here, so I do this same thing everytime and now he knows what "time out" is. Good luck!

jill said...

i've got an almost 2.5 yo and we have just gotten to the really naughty stage. he likes to hit and scream back when told 'no' and he has taken on to biting. he doesn't listen and smiles when asked to do something and does the complete opposite.
we have different disciple tactics for different behaviors he chooses to do. hitting and yelling back get him in time out, which he has discovered he does NOT like. when he bites, he gets fish-hooked on his bottom teeth (have someone do it to you, it hurts). when he doesn't listen and it is VERY apparent, he may get a swat on the leg(below diaper,so it hurts)or time out, depending how severe his choice is. and a spank/swat when he hits just isn't teaching him the right thing, so we do tend to avoid that as much as possible, although i'm not against it.
over the past few weeks, i have discovered that being firm and doing it every time is best. he tends to push his limits when i would let the minor offenses slide.
be strong and be consistent. good luck.

Becca said...

ok so you sound just like me parenting wise -- so let me know if you figure out what works haha :-)
and thanks so so much for all your prayers friend!!

Jess said...

In my experience, I think the most important thing is to be consistent. No is always No. Once you give the no, don't change it to yes because the next time, the behavior will be even worse.

My kids aren't perfect, but they're good for the most part. I don't spank, and I've never used time out. So mostly I've just been really, really consistent in my directives/boundaries. It worked for us.

LG said...

I am really interested to see what you figure out for you guys because I can tell Peebs will be a handful VERY soon. He has learned to throw some monster fits! ha


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