Thursday, August 11, 2011

it's kind of like dating....

You know what I sucked at?

Dating.

That whole getting to know one another junk. Hated it. I wanted to skip to a few weeks in where you both knew a bit about each other and both liked each other and were both planning on sticking around for a while. I didn't like the constant "is he really into me?" or "did I say something wrong?" and all the insecurity that came at the very beginning. Hated it.

Making friends as a twenty seven year old mom is way too similar to dating for my taste. In trying to make new friends, I find that the insecurity that I've only felt when dealing with the whole dating scene, is back. And it's stronger than ever.

I have an amazing group of friends. Over the years I've cut the amount of true friends down to a smaller, but dare I say, happier number. At one time I have tons of friends that I could call on in a moments notice to hit the town or what not. Now that a call at a moments notice is probably about my child's spit up, the number is much smaller. But the people on the other end are much better quality.

Since I've moved to South Carolina I have struggled a lot with making new friends. I tell you the truth when I tell you that the Devil plays with my head more in this area of my life than in any other. That may be sad or what not but this area is where I am least confident and he knows it.

I feel like I do a good job of putting myself out there. Of setting up playdates or sending emails and such and when they aren't reciprocated, I take it personal. And the crazy thing is, I know how busy people are, heck, I'm always busy, but I struggle with feeling left out or not good enough to be that persons friend.

Crazy? Maybe.

Maybe not.

It's so, so hard to make friends at this stage of life. First of all, it's a total blast to have couple friends but then you have to make sure that four people mesh instead of two and ugh, so hard. Then you want Mom friends, but Moms are so busy so much of the time that coordinating dates can be a nightmare. I won't lie though. While I do want Mom friends, I still want friends who want to go out and just talk about us and not my child's every move every once in a while.

I struggle big time with feeling left out. It gets me bad when people I feel like I'm building relationships with, don't seem to be returning the feeling. See: insecurity. Hate it. It's just so dang hard.

But.. just like dating, it's usually worth it. Because I don't need five hundred friends. I need quality friends. So I'll keep setting up play dates and keep sending emails til I do build those relationships. You'll never make friends by just sitting at home whining about not having any.

I just wish there was a fast forward button to a few weeks in where a friendship is already established. Can whoever made the fast forward button for my child's first year get on that?!

10 comments:

Tiff said...

I think you are an awesome lady! And so glad we are becoming friends in real life! :) Don't let the devil getcha down!

LAURA@laurasblondemoments said...

I think Satan definitely prys on our insecurities, and one of my biggest ones is always questioning if I am a good mom since I work full time. As I get closer to making my days as a SAHM a reality, I too will want to branch out and find other "mommy friends" to hang with.

I totally relate with the mind games we let ourselves play when wondering if someone likes us, or not. Highschool and college friends are great, but it's hard to find ones that have kids too, and then you don't want to seem to eager when meeting new mommy friends either. Even at church I found myself feeling overwhelmed, wondering if I was included in the clique of "in mommies" or not. Crazy..I know!

Hope you find a good group of Mommy friends in your new town :)

Laura
laurasblondemoments.blogspot.com

Danielle said...

I totally understand your feelings! We recently moved to DC and I miss my friends in South Carolina! I feel like its hard to find mom friends around here and all of the mom groups in our town have strict no working policies (why they need a policy to define themselves I don't really know). I also find with my coworkers that sometimes I feel left out of invites because they assume I wouldn't want go go because I have a baby, but I would love a time out with non-mom friends. Hang in there and hopefully this 'dating' will be over soon!

Legallyblondemel said...

I feel like I need a cut & paste "I can relate to this 100%" button just for your blog. I never was a good dater, and my biggest insecurities now definitely are in the way-too-similar friendmaking business. I'm finding that showing up to stuff regularly, like playgroups, helps, but I also take it personally when I organize that sort of thing & don't get the response I'd prefer.

So this is a totally unhelpful comment, since I'm figuring this stuff out myself & have no advice to offer, but I will say that i wish y'all were nearby so I could invite you to our playgroup :-).

Suze said...

Praying for you girl! I'm going through similar ,hopefully this dating thing will be over sooner than later for the both of us! :) have a great Friday!

Jenny @ Practically Perfect... said...

You know, you would have another ready-made friend who's up for playdates if you just moved to New Zealand, ha ha! Or if we moved to SC, I guess! I'll have to talk to Chris about that... ;-)

Finding new friends IS a lot like dating, and I hated dating, too. You're doing the right thing, though, by setting up playdates and asking people to do stuff. Even if they say "no" or never reciprocate, it's always nice to be invited to something and people remember that. It's been hard for me at times, moving over here and putting myself out there, only to find that people don't always respond. It's not all that comforting, but the only thing I can say is give it time and keep trying. Even if you end up with only 1 or 2 really good friends in your new town, that's all that it takes :-) Praying for you!

A.B. said...

Totes. I'm right there in the kiddie pool makin small talk,too. Wondering, maybe she'll ask my number??

LG said...

Totally agree! Making new friends is so not fun! For some reason, the older I get the more awkward I feel in those situations.

In this wonderful life... said...

quantity is MUCH better than quality! I agree that it's harder the older we get. I do think the right ones somehow manage to come along :)

Mandy said...

I feel ya on this one. I have 1 mommy friend that is not on the internet...and she lives in Maryland. It's tough out there!

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