a bit of self-examination.

I am not a patient person. I know this about myself and I'm ok with it. I get really, really cranky when I'm tired and can literally feel myself hit a "snapping" point. I can point out the minute I'm about to "freak out". I try to walk away before I say something I will later regret. I don't like change. At all. I am ridiculously OCD. If you use the same spoon to dip out mayonnaise that you just used in the mustard, it will bother me. For days. I will have to throw away the mayo. I like my space and I like things in my space done my way. Sometimes I feel like I'm an 80 year old man, cranky and set in my ways, but I can't help it.

I hate seeing Mr. Perfect in pain, but this week has made me stretch myself in ways I never imagined and learn some things about myself. I've gotten up every 3 hours since Friday to take care of him. Apparently last night I started sleeping through my alarm and Mr. Perfect was having to do stuff on his own. I got really upset. Did I mention I'm also not good at feeling like I've failed at something? Like taking care of those around me.

I get very scared of how I'm going to handle things come April when my life takes on a humongous change. But then I realize I did it this week, with no help, and I've survived (well almost, he still hasn't been cleared to do anything). In April I'll at least have help and now I know, I CAN do this. It's going to be hard and I'm going to have many mental breakdowns, but I will do this and I will do this well.

It's medication time. I'll see you guys on the flip side. I promise to be cheerier next week. =)