it's kind of like dating....

You know what I sucked at?

Dating.

That whole getting to know one another junk. Hated it. I wanted to skip to a few weeks in where you both knew a bit about each other and both liked each other and were both planning on sticking around for a while. I didn't like the constant "is he really into me?" or "did I say something wrong?" and all the insecurity that came at the very beginning. Hated it.

Making friends as a twenty seven year old mom is way too similar to dating for my taste. In trying to make new friends, I find that the insecurity that I've only felt when dealing with the whole dating scene, is back. And it's stronger than ever.

I have an amazing group of friends. Over the years I've cut the amount of true friends down to a smaller, but dare I say, happier number. At one time I have tons of friends that I could call on in a moments notice to hit the town or what not. Now that a call at a moments notice is probably about my child's spit up, the number is much smaller. But the people on the other end are much better quality.

Since I've moved to South Carolina I have struggled a lot with making new friends. I tell you the truth when I tell you that the Devil plays with my head more in this area of my life than in any other. That may be sad or what not but this area is where I am least confident and he knows it.

I feel like I do a good job of putting myself out there. Of setting up playdates or sending emails and such and when they aren't reciprocated, I take it personal. And the crazy thing is, I know how busy people are, heck, I'm always busy, but I struggle with feeling left out or not good enough to be that persons friend.

Crazy? Maybe.

Maybe not.

It's so, so hard to make friends at this stage of life. First of all, it's a total blast to have couple friends but then you have to make sure that four people mesh instead of two and ugh, so hard. Then you want Mom friends, but Moms are so busy so much of the time that coordinating dates can be a nightmare. I won't lie though. While I do want Mom friends, I still want friends who want to go out and just talk about us and not my child's every move every once in a while.

I struggle big time with feeling left out. It gets me bad when people I feel like I'm building relationships with, don't seem to be returning the feeling. See: insecurity. Hate it. It's just so dang hard.

But.. just like dating, it's usually worth it. Because I don't need five hundred friends. I need quality friends. So I'll keep setting up play dates and keep sending emails til I do build those relationships. You'll never make friends by just sitting at home whining about not having any.

I just wish there was a fast forward button to a few weeks in where a friendship is already established. Can whoever made the fast forward button for my child's first year get on that?!