vs.

I got an email from one of the eight million "Mom sites" that I subscribe to the other night that got my panties all in a knot. It was something along the lines of "stay at home moms vs. working moms" and had percentages and crap with information about both sets of mothers.

Truthfully, I don't care what the numbers say, I could not get past that one little word in the title; versus.

That word, or vs. in this case, automatically implies some sort of competition. And why, when mothering is already the hardest damn job there is, do we need to add more competition and fight to an already fierce battle?

The part that gets me more than anything else, is that nine times out of ten, it is moms that are fueling this little fire. Moms keeping this competition going. You don't hear our husbands talking about stay at home moms or working moms over their lunch. Or berating the formula feeding Mom for reaching for the bottle instead of popping our her b*oob when her babe gets hungry. That's us that is doing that. Other Moms.

I don't get it. One thing I love about the blogging community is the absolute support that you get. You ask for prayers; you'll get them. You suffer a miscarriage; emails will flood in with support and prayer and compassion. Your baby turns one; everyone will celebrate with you and make you smile at the Tweets and emails that come in for your little one. It's awesome. And totally helped me survive my first year.

But then there's the other part of blogging; that dang competition part. I freaking loathe that part.

Moms struggle enough with every single decision they make. Stay home? Work? Formula? Breast? There is no black and white when you're a Mom. While some love staying home and are fortunate enough to do so, some simply don't want to. And some can't. Who are you to ever judge what that Mom chooses? Some working Moms have to work. Maybe they don't want to tell you that. Maybe it breaks their hearts so much that they can't even share that it's not an option to stay home. Thought of that? Maybe some SAHMs want to work. Maybe they can't. Maybe they can't afford to go back because of the outrageous cost of childcare. Thought of that?

Breast versus bottle steams me to no end. I tried nursing BG. I tried until I had beat myself down and still wouldn't give up. I tried til both she and I were screaming in frustration, despair and plain hunger on her part. When I pulled out a bottle and mixed formula in a restaurant once, I wanted to shank a lady two tables down that gave me a "look". I wanted to jump on a table and scream "I couldn't make milk heifer" but I didn't (my husband is so thankful for that). But give me a break. No one wears a sign explaining their every move so don't assume to know why they came to the decision they did.

It amazes me how fired up people get about crying it out. I get it. It's not for everyone. Some people are tougher with it than others. I did it. Yep. I said it. I didn't do it as strictly as it might have called for, but I did it. And my kid started sleeping through the night at six weeks. Now to some, that's not important and the soothing of their baby trumps sleep, and guess what? That is fine. Get it woman. Go get your child and snuggle and cuddle. Because they are only that little once. I don't care how you "sleep train" your child. It's your child. But do not judge me for the way I did mine.

Sometimes I think we look for things to judge. Whether it's how we dress our kids (good grief let the smocking nazis die), whether we have housekeepers, how we budget, where we buy our clothes; someone is going to judge you. Someone made a comment to me once about how many other clothes I could buy BG if I would lay off the smocking. Maybe true, but dude, I buy 97% of her clothes secondhand or off a discount site. And I don't shop for me. Like ever. So I'm giving up stuff because I want her to have those clothes. Sacrifices people. Some people give up nights out for pedicures. Not this girl. So don't look at my toes ;). Some people drive older cars so they can afford a housekeeper. Me personally? I don't trust anyone enough to let them clean my house. But if you have one, more power to you.


Chill the heck out people. If you want to make your own baby food or buy it off the shelf. Who cares. Just feed your kid. If you want to delay vaccinations or not (just please get them, but that's another rant for another day), you get to choose. Circumcise or not. Breast or bottle. Stay home or work. No kid is the same and no one will know what is best for your kid but YOU.

My point? Lay off people. . We're all doing our best. We're all just figuring this out. We were all a first time mom at one point just trying to hold on for dear life. Support one another. Because Moms, get this; no one else understands your job but other Moms. Not even your husbands. Yep. Said it. No one else will ever get it. You can wax poetic to a friend of yours without kids and while she may be all "I get it", newsflash; she doesn't. Only another Mom will.

So build each other up. I'm all for healthy discussion and heck even a debate, but to bash another Mom for her choices? That is so dumb. For real (thanks Antoine for making that statement one I'll always hear your voice on). I guarantee you that she's already put herself through enough to come to a decision. She doesn't need you to help her with that. No two people are the same (thank God), so why should they all make the same decisions? Every Mom, every day is making the decisions that she thinks are best for her family. I promise you that.

Seriously, can't we all just get along?!