Friday, March 2, 2012

a work in progress.

When I was younger, I honestly thought that all the Moms around me had it all figured out.

When you're a kid, you're pretty selfish. I never thought that my Mom or my friend's Moms maybe had unsettled thoughts or really, any thoughts that didn't have to do with us kids.

I know, I know.

Now that I am a Mom, I realize that couldn't be further from the truth.

I adore my child. Seriously, I do. I tend to think that she is about the coolest kid out there. Not to mention the smartest, the prettiest, and the funniest. She's my child. Of course I think all that. But I got to be honest. Sometimes, all I want to do is think about me. Not her, for just five seconds.

Wow. How incredibly selfish do I sound?

See, I'm still a work in progress. I'm almost 30 and I'm still not where I thought I would be at this point in life. I've made different decisions than I ever thought I would. But what's done is done. That doesn't mean though, that I should settle. I need to keep working.

There are times when I need to just be "me" instead of "Mom". When I need to ride with all the windows down and the radio blaring (obviously when I'm alone in the car). When I need to go have drinks with my girlfriends. When I just need a break.

I was "me" for 27 years before I was "Mom". But even in 27 years, I didn't perfect who I was. I'm still working on that.

The most important thing I will ever do for BG is be a strong, confident woman for her to look up to. To be strong in my faith, my marriage, and true to myself. I cannot be all those things if I don't take the "Mom" hat off every once in a while and work on the "wife", "friend", and "me" hats.

I went to the movies with a couple of friends last night and left BG with Mr. P. After the movie, I got in my car, opened all the windows, and cranked up some Train and headed home. Only my favorite song came on so I had to do a couple loops around the neighborhood while I listened and sang my little heart out.

It felt good. It felt like old times. And truth be told, it gave me just enough of a glimpse of that younger me to recharge me to go back to "Mom" me.

Does that even make sense?

I'm a Mom now. Duh. But I'm still M. The girl who loves music, nights out, the beach, soccer, animals, and so many other things that used to be more important to me than anything. Obviously they rank lower now, but I need to still delve into those things. My passions make me who I am.

I'm still working on me. Fortunately, all that time and attention makes me a better person, therefore a better wife and Mom. Which is what the people I love deserve. It's a win for all of us.


jill said...

for me, being around my kids 24/7 is very overwhelming at times. i could sure use some 'me' time to make my 'mom' time much more productive. great post.

Amy @ Forever 29 said...

Yep, I get you. And I'm a big believer in continuing to work on you and not put all of your value in what you do as a wife & mother. I think the minute you don't give yourself that time everything goes downhill. Glad you got to have a fun girls night!

Gaby said...

i totally understand. I mean we have to keep who we are to be good moms! i feel just like you sometimes when i just want to be "gaby" not think of my husband and child, that might sound so selfish to others but my husband understands i need time to be me, just like he needs some time to be him. but we still enjoy being parents!

Jenny @ Practically Perfect... said...

I'm so glad that you were able to get out with some friends and be without BG for a bit :-) It makes such a difference in my outlook and mood when I'm able to do that. Hopefully you felt refreshed afterward and it can turn into a semi-regular thing!

Ashley E. said...

Your last few posts have been like I could have written them too! Ah, motherhood. ;)

Mrs. Pretty said...

Yep - yet again, you eloquently put into words exactly what I've been feeling.

First off, I'm so glad you got some "me" time with your girls.

Second, somehow it surprised me that once I had a kid, I'd still need to go about the business of "me" too - I need it even more now, at times. Of course, a lot of it is second fiddle now, and happily so, but I know I can't do my mom job well if I don't have the "me" time (or the friend time, or the wife time, etc.) too.

Ashley said...

I am with you 100%. Every time I am alone in my car and get to crank the music and sing, I get teary because it is so nostalgic and it NEVER HAPPENS anymore. We need those times away. You are so right-it does make you a better mom. I loved this post and I love you!


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