When I was younger, I honestly thought that all the Moms around me had it all figured out.
When you're a kid, you're pretty selfish. I never thought that my Mom or my friend's Moms maybe had unsettled thoughts or really, any thoughts that didn't have to do with us kids.
I know, I know.
Now that I am a Mom, I realize that couldn't be further from the truth.
I adore my child. Seriously, I do. I tend to think that she is about the coolest kid out there. Not to mention the smartest, the prettiest, and the funniest. She's my child. Of course I think all that. But I got to be honest. Sometimes, all I want to do is think about me. Not her, for just five seconds.
Wow. How incredibly selfish do I sound?
See, I'm still a work in progress. I'm almost 30 and I'm still not where I thought I would be at this point in life. I've made different decisions than I ever thought I would. But what's done is done. That doesn't mean though, that I should settle. I need to keep working.
There are times when I need to just be "me" instead of "Mom". When I need to ride with all the windows down and the radio blaring (obviously when I'm alone in the car). When I need to go have drinks with my girlfriends. When I just need a break.
I was "me" for 27 years before I was "Mom". But even in 27 years, I didn't perfect who I was. I'm still working on that.
The most important thing I will ever do for BG is be a strong, confident woman for her to look up to. To be strong in my faith, my marriage, and true to myself. I cannot be all those things if I don't take the "Mom" hat off every once in a while and work on the "wife", "friend", and "me" hats.
I went to the movies with a couple of friends last night and left BG with Mr. P. After the movie, I got in my car, opened all the windows, and cranked up some Train and headed home. Only my favorite song came on so I had to do a couple loops around the neighborhood while I listened and sang my little heart out.
It felt good. It felt like old times. And truth be told, it gave me just enough of a glimpse of that younger me to recharge me to go back to "Mom" me.
Does that even make sense?
I'm a Mom now. Duh. But I'm still M. The girl who loves music, nights out, the beach, soccer, animals, and so many other things that used to be more important to me than anything. Obviously they rank lower now, but I need to still delve into those things. My passions make me who I am.
I'm still working on me. Fortunately, all that time and attention makes me a better person, therefore a better wife and Mom. Which is what the people I love deserve. It's a win for all of us.