Tuesday, June 12, 2012

motherhood is hard. at least to me.

I read a post the other day that got me thinking.

It was a post on how people use the words job, tough, and other such adjectives to describe motherhood and how this blogger would like to disagree with all those words. She went on to use much more positive words to describe motherhood and her experience with her child and how she couldn't disagree more with the less positive descriptions.

As I read through the comments, my heart sank. The ladies commenting all agreed with her. They also didn't consider it a "job" but a "blessing" and they waxed poetic about "loving every minute" and so on and so forth.

Now let me make this clear; I am by no means judging those ladies.

I just couldn't disagree with them more.

See, I'm a pretty positive person, but y'all, I have used every single one of those above words to describe motherhood.

It is tough. It is hard. It is draining.

After I read that post, I felt like donk.

What was wrong with me that I don't enjoy every second of this?? What is wrong with me that this isn't easy??

Finally I broke down and asked the hubs "is there something wrong with me that I think motherhood is hard? Do they really think it's that easy? Is there something wrong with me that it's so freaking hard for me??".

I'm not kidding y'all. It wrecked me.

He quickly reassured me with the "everyone has hard days" speech and I left feeling a bit better, but I still had a bad taste in my mouth.

I love Kelle Hampton's blog. Love it. Her girls are adorable and her pictures are amazing. She is absolutely a glass half full blogger. I cannot remember reading a post where she complains about her girls or her life or even the weather. I'm sure she has, but I don't remember reading it.

I am not that blogger.

I love being BG's Mom. Love it. I adore her. There is nothing better than curling up on the couch with her and having her hold my arm and say "I love you Mama". Nothing. There is not a thing in the world I would trade for that moment.

But... that doesn't mean that this is easy for me.

I think I'm lacking a few maternal genes. I seriously do. It's not my second nature to do this mothering thing. Now, I'm daily figuring it out but it's not easy for me.

I struggle with discipline. I struggle with patience. I snap way too easily at her. I'm just being honest.

When I was little, I tried to play basketball. I had all the things on paper that said I would be good at it. I was tall, athletic, and somewhat coordinated. I was great at softball and soccer, so what was one more sport.

Ha. Y'all. I was awful at basketball. I couldn't dribble. I kicked the ball when trying to walk with it and I could barely make a basket to save my life.

Perhaps with some time, I would have gotten better since I did have the natural gifts one needs for the sport, but my heart wasn't in it and I quit. I wasn't going to try and figure something out that I had no passion for.

I sort of feel that way about parenting.

It's not easy to me. But I have a passion for being a good Mom to Baby Girl and for that alone, I will figure this out.

I'm losing track.

There is another blogger I absolutely love that writes almost the opposite as Kelle Hampton.

Jess writes in a way that I find myself nodding along constantly. I laugh at her stories of her toddler climbing in the dishwasher or of the things her older children get into. She, to me, sums up parenthood perfectly in just her blog name; Wrangling Chaos. That's how I feel most days. And I only have one kid.

Two very different bloggers. More than likely (as I don't know either personally), two very different parenting styles. And it was in the moment that I thought about those two ladies that I got it; neither parent, neither style is wrong. Neither Mom is wrong.

So those ladies that commented on that blog saying they also thought motherhood is easy, they're right. It is for them.

And for those ladies a bit like me who absolutely adore their kids, but do struggle a bit? well, we're right too. Motherhood is hard.

I feel like some ladies pop out of the womb with the desire to be a Mom. Some don't. And while some of those ladies that didn't have a desire to be a Mom immediately, never get that desire, some of them do. Like me.

I am beyond blessed to be Baby Girl's Mom. She makes me laugh harder than anyone I've ever met. Before her I never knew I could be so proud of one person for just peeing in a potty. Or naming the right color. She makes me enjoy getting up in the morning and seeing what we're going to get into today. I love that kid so much it hurts.

And all those good things? I remind myself of them when she's throwing things at me or refusing to get dressed or laying down in the middle of a mall. I think back to her sweet smile early in the morning when she's screaming because I won't let her jump off of the couch. Or paint the cat.

I don't ever want anyone to think parenthood isn't worth it, because it so is. But I also hope that you never feel like you're a bad Mom if you occasionally feel like this is the hardest job ever. You're not a bad Mom if you sometimes hide in the bathroom for five seconds of peace. You're not a bad Mom if you dream of solo beach vacations or stay in a quiet hotel.

Whether you think this is the hardest job ever or you think you're living your dream all day every day, it's okay. It's kind of like this; you know how they say you can't compare your children because every kid is different? Each kid develops on their own time at their own speed and every single one of them is just perfect how they are.

Well I think the same is true for Mom's. Some are born in that role, some pick it up immediately and some perfect it over years and years. Not one of them is any better than the other, they're just different. Which is fine for kids, so I think it's fine for us Moms as well.

Hard or easy, I think every single Mom would agree that parenting? is worth it. So enjoy the ride or just hang on for dear life. Your kid is just glad you're there. And trying.


Mrs EyeCanSee said...

This post deserves a high five. Or a slow clap beacuse it's all sorty of awesome. It totally sums up motherhood!

I usually don't like to judge other moms. But honestly? Any mother who thinks this ride is some walk in the park. Or NEVER has a bad day....is lying through her perfectly white teeth. Or has a dozen nannies. Cause while it's rewarding and amazing and all those other GREAT things, it's also hard as hell.

Linds said...

this is perfect, and I couldn't agree with you more. I am like you... I love being a mom, but there are some days that I want to run away to an island. I've been there-- in struggling with discipline, snapping at my kids, etc. Hang in there... and know you're not alone!!!

Erica said...

It takes a little courage, I think, to write a post like this. I like you.

I'm all for being positive, the glass being half full, smiles, rainbows and unicorns all around... but I honestly can't see how that is possible 100% of the time in parenting.

Cheers to you!

Britt said...

Oh girlfriend. You are the majority, not the minority when it comes to parenting my friend. Those moms that say they haven't had a "hard day" quite frankly, I think they are lying. SERIOUSLY.

Kids are not easy to deal with. One minute Lidia says, "mommy you're my best friend!" and the next minute, "i not your best friend mommy!" They are complicated little creatures that make you want to pull your hair out one second and the next second kiss their face forever.

That's just life. That's just parenting. You are doing great. Keep your chin up. I know all of us can use a little encouragement from time to time... I know I can!

Dan and Liz said...

Everyday since my 2.5 year old was born I think I've said that being a Mom (and a stay at home Mom) is really hard. I tell that to pretty much everyone that asks me how it is. It's hard but you seriously wouldn't change it for the world since you fall so in love with your child and watch them grow and learn. You are totally right in my book! (and for some crazy reason I have #2-our last due in 7 weeks :)

Matt and Meg said...

I completely understand how you feel! I have a 19 month old and the past few weeks have been so unbelievably difficult. Some days I just don't know what I am doing wrong. Thank you for being so open and honest. Because honestly being a mom is the hardest but best job in the world. =)

Lynsey said...

Great post! I couldn't agree with you mom. Motherhood is hard. It is draining. Would I trade it for anything in the world? No. But that doesn't mean each day is sunshine and rainbows!

Angie said...

It is hard!!!! Well, at least for me - I totally agree!

And I believe that being honest about motherhood and all that comes with it is one of the most important parts!

You are doing wonderful, and we need to support each other and not judge! Well...besides the moms who say all is perfect all the time ;)

A.B. said...

It's totally worth it. It's totally hard. If it were easy then you wouldn't be trying very hard. Or that's what I tell myself. It's hard because you want to do your best. Or something inspirational like that.

but nights like tonight. when g was still fussing at bed time and I said peace out I need a pedicure? Yah... i totally needed that pedicure.


Happiness Is... said...

I totally agree with every sentiment in this post. Very well said. Parenting is HARD and some women say they are "born to be mothers" and I don't know if that was me. I do love it, but I don't think I am great at it ... I don't always feel like "me" when I am mom-ing, but I think that's ok. It's awkward for some of us at first (or hey, forever!)

Jennifer said...

I love this post and completely agree with you.
Is it rewarding? Yes.
A blessing? Of course.
Worth it? Definitely.
THE hardest job I have? BY FAR.
I think you were spot on with this post! Great job ;)

Jen Watts said...

Such true words that speak to me sister! Its hard! If its not hard for you? Great, give me some pointers!

Lindsay said...

So agree with you! This is the hardest and most difficult job I have ever had. But it is my favorite and most rewarding job and I wouldn't change it for the world.

Shannon Dew said...

Bravo lady! Bra-vo! It's so true. While I'm sure there are ladies who say "this is the greatest thing ever and we never have a bad day" you know they do. You know at some point they want to run screaming in the other direction. No one loves mothering 100% of the time. I know about a month ago I felt like I was going through post partum depression, yes 20 months late, and here I am today with The Fever. So yeah...it's a crazy roller coaster!

Jillian said...

I love this post. I look at my life as a 24 hour 7 day a week JOB! Just like any job there are great parts and not so great parts! I love my kids to pieces but do I turn down a kid free, week, weekend, day?? Heck NO! They are a blessing and I try to remind myself of that daily!

Jess @ Wrangling Chaos said...

Yup. This. Ditto.

Motherhood is different things to different people. Some days I'd like to wrap my children into boxes (padded, of course, I'm nice like that) and ship them off to a deserted island.

And thank you for the shout out. I'm flattered beyond words.

Mandy said...

I cannot tell you how much I love this post. Motherhood is soooooo stinkin hard. Harder than I thought it would be. And that was tough for me to come to terms with because I ALWAYS wanted to be a mom. That was my ulitmate goal in life was to have a whole gaggle of kids. Now I can barely handly two most days. I love my girls beyond measure and about half the time life is all sunshine and rainbows. But the other half of the time I'm counting down the seconds to bedtime and dreaming of a month long vacation without them. Glad I'm not alone!

Kate said...

I'm with you, girl... on motherhood AND basketball!

Amy @ Forever 29 said...

Girl, when you write this kind of post I get a little sad that we can't meet up and have these vent sessions in person while the kids play. Or rather we could try to have a conversation while they ask me for help or snacks or throw a tantrum, because that's usually how those things go :) Hugs to you...you're an awesome mom, even if it is hard!

Melissa @ I Pick Pretty said...

What Amy said. Also, amen.

You know, I think some people just can't hang with acknowledging the bumps along this motherhood road; that's fine, but it's not my style nor the sort of post or encouragement I find particularly helpful. To each our own, I suppose, but to me there's beauty in acknowledging the not-always-pretty truth of it all.

Which is a long way of saying you're awesome and should keep on keeping on as you have been.

Taylor {Sew Much Love} said...

I just stumbled upon this post and wanted to thank you! That is so much what i've been needing to hear lately! I feel like so many women just soak it up but some days I feel like i'm just getting by! But i love my children very much!

Anonymous said...

I came across this post today and I am so happy that I did! I have been having a hard time lately trying to balance motherhood and work. I have a full time job and I struggle with feeling like I am a good mom. I feel guilty that I am not with my son all the time. I see other mom's that seem to have it figured out. Maybe it's just not in my nature to 'figure it out.' Thank you for bring brave and saying that it's okay to feel that motherhood is hard. It IS hard. Just knowing that I am not the only one makes me feel better!


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