I read a post the other day that got me thinking.
It was a post on how people use the words job, tough, and other such adjectives to describe motherhood and how this blogger would like to disagree with all those words. She went on to use much more positive words to describe motherhood and her experience with her child and how she couldn't disagree more with the less positive descriptions.
As I read through the comments, my heart sank. The ladies commenting all agreed with her. They also didn't consider it a "job" but a "blessing" and they waxed poetic about "loving every minute" and so on and so forth.
Now let me make this clear; I am by no means judging those ladies.
I just couldn't disagree with them more.
See, I'm a pretty positive person, but y'all, I have used every single one of those above words to describe motherhood.
It is tough. It is hard. It is draining.
After I read that post, I felt like donk.
What was wrong with me that I don't enjoy every second of this?? What is wrong with me that this isn't easy??
Finally I broke down and asked the hubs "is there something wrong with me that I think motherhood is hard? Do they really think it's that easy? Is there something wrong with me that it's so freaking hard for me??".
I'm not kidding y'all. It wrecked me.
He quickly reassured me with the "everyone has hard days" speech and I left feeling a bit better, but I still had a bad taste in my mouth.
I love Kelle Hampton's blog. Love it. Her girls are adorable and her pictures are amazing. She is absolutely a glass half full blogger. I cannot remember reading a post where she complains about her girls or her life or even the weather. I'm sure she has, but I don't remember reading it.
I am not that blogger.
I love being BG's Mom. Love it. I adore her. There is nothing better than curling up on the couch with her and having her hold my arm and say "I love you Mama". Nothing. There is not a thing in the world I would trade for that moment.
But... that doesn't mean that this is easy for me.
I think I'm lacking a few maternal genes. I seriously do. It's not my second nature to do this mothering thing. Now, I'm daily figuring it out but it's not easy for me.
I struggle with discipline. I struggle with patience. I snap way too easily at her. I'm just being honest.
When I was little, I tried to play basketball. I had all the things on paper that said I would be good at it. I was tall, athletic, and somewhat coordinated. I was great at softball and soccer, so what was one more sport.
Ha. Y'all. I was awful at basketball. I couldn't dribble. I kicked the ball when trying to walk with it and I could barely make a basket to save my life.
Perhaps with some time, I would have gotten better since I did have the natural gifts one needs for the sport, but my heart wasn't in it and I quit. I wasn't going to try and figure something out that I had no passion for.
I sort of feel that way about parenting.
It's not easy to me. But I have a passion for being a good Mom to Baby Girl and for that alone, I will figure this out.
I'm losing track.
There is another blogger I absolutely love that writes almost the opposite as Kelle Hampton.
Jess writes in a way that I find myself nodding along constantly. I laugh at her stories of her toddler climbing in the dishwasher or of the things her older children get into. She, to me, sums up parenthood perfectly in just her blog name; Wrangling Chaos. That's how I feel most days. And I only have one kid.
Two very different bloggers. More than likely (as I don't know either personally), two very different parenting styles. And it was in the moment that I thought about those two ladies that I got it; neither parent, neither style is wrong. Neither Mom is wrong.
So those ladies that commented on that blog saying they also thought motherhood is easy, they're right. It is for them.
And for those ladies a bit like me who absolutely adore their kids, but do struggle a bit? well, we're right too. Motherhood is hard.
I feel like some ladies pop out of the womb with the desire to be a Mom. Some don't. And while some of those ladies that didn't have a desire to be a Mom immediately, never get that desire, some of them do. Like me.
I am beyond blessed to be Baby Girl's Mom. She makes me laugh harder than anyone I've ever met. Before her I never knew I could be so proud of one person for just peeing in a potty. Or naming the right color. She makes me enjoy getting up in the morning and seeing what we're going to get into today. I love that kid so much it hurts.
And all those good things? I remind myself of them when she's throwing things at me or refusing to get dressed or laying down in the middle of a mall. I think back to her sweet smile early in the morning when she's screaming because I won't let her jump off of the couch. Or paint the cat.
I don't ever want anyone to think parenthood isn't worth it, because it so is. But I also hope that you never feel like you're a bad Mom if you occasionally feel like this is the hardest job ever. You're not a bad Mom if you sometimes hide in the bathroom for five seconds of peace. You're not a bad Mom if you dream of solo beach vacations or stay in a quiet hotel.
Whether you think this is the hardest job ever or you think you're living your dream all day every day, it's okay. It's kind of like this; you know how they say you can't compare your children because every kid is different? Each kid develops on their own time at their own speed and every single one of them is just perfect how they are.
Well I think the same is true for Mom's. Some are born in that role, some pick it up immediately and some perfect it over years and years. Not one of them is any better than the other, they're just different. Which is fine for kids, so I think it's fine for us Moms as well.
Hard or easy, I think every single Mom would agree that parenting? is worth it. So enjoy the ride or just hang on for dear life. Your kid is just glad you're there. And trying.