Tuesday, January 18, 2011

today.

Today I am tired.

I cannot sleep at night and therefore am flat out spent when BG decides it's time to get up in the morning.

I'm tired.

I am completely overwhelmed by every thing I need to get done today. I cannot muster up the energy to do one more load of laundry, pick up one more toy, clean one more bathroom. The thought of having to pack up and go to the grocery store makes me want to crawl back in bed.

I am so over having to walk the dogs outside in the cold multiple times a day. I'm over having to walk so far to check the mail or take out the trash. Over it.

I'm sick or worrying about what step comes next for us. Worrying about financial issues, whether or not I should get another job, and if I should, what do I want to do? I'm pissed off that we're even in the situation that I have to worry about this.

Today I'm pissed that we moved. I miss my house. I miss my yard. I even miss my other dog who is hanging out in Maryland with the parents. I miss my friends. I miss my job. I miss my co-workers. I even miss my boss.

We got a letter from BG's sitter in Savannah asking about her last night and it broke my heart. I miss them. I miss having people around that love us and our little one.

I miss home.

I'm sick of being spit up on multiple times a day. Of having food thrown in my face. Of being smacked in the face when I try to cuddle the little one.

I am tired.

I'm sick of being overweight. I'm sick of exercising and not seeing results. I'm sick of my clothes being so tight that I feel like I can't breathe. I'm sick of watching what I eat. I'm sick of the meatheads that are on my treadmill every night.

I'm disappointed that in myself that I haven't worked out in four days. I have mad guilt about that. I have guilt about BG not having play dates. It's eating me up.

I am so tired.

I realize that tomorrow is another day. I realize that I am so, so lucky to have my sweet little girl and a roof over our heads. I realize that her smile really does make everything better. I realize that I'm blessed to have a husband who loves me and works so hard for our family.

I get all that.

But I am just tired.

Today sucks.

17 comments:

Lauren said...

HUGE hugs girl and just remember tomorrow is a NEW day!!!

Mandy said...

:( Hope BG takes a nice long nap today and you can get some rest too. Tomorrow will be a new day!!

Karah said...

and its okay that today sucks. We all have those days girl. Im sure you feel a little bit better after that post. Good vent sista!! Love ya and keep your head up. :)

Kassie said...

I'm sorry Megan! Sometimes we have those days, and venting helps. Wish I was there...sending hugs across the country!!

Ashley said...

I'm sorry that you're having such a bad day. I completely understand. I am struggling with many of these things too right now and today it's all I can do to not just burst into tears at work. It's so hard to be grateful for everything that we have, yet so upset at so many other circumstances/questions. Maybe tomorrow will be better? Maybe...

Sarah said...

Im sorry your day sucks :( we all have those days! If it makes your feel better....I don't ever workout and am totally heavier than I would like to be, my clothes are too tight, and I ate a damn cupcake today! :(
xo

Kinley and BG need a play date while Mommies have a wine date!!

Jenny @ Practically Perfect... said...

Sometimes life just stinks :-( Moving is so hard! It can take awhile before it actually catches up with you, too: leaving jobs, leaving friends, leaving pets(!!!), and then being stuck inside in the cold with a baby who's not always happy :-( I think I would burst into tears! I'll pray that Spring comes soon to your neck of the woods, and that life starts to smooth out around the edges. In the meantime, drink a margarita or two for this pregnant mamma - that ought to make you feel better, ha ha!

Carolyn said...

I'm so sorry!! Just know that you're certainly not the only one to feel that way in this situation. You've gone through huge stressors (having a baby, moving, leaving a job) in the past year and for the most part you've done it amazingly graciously. You're entitled to some second-guessing and a couple grumpy days here and there. Plus, being tired makes everything 100 times worse!

Newlywed Next Door said...

Sorry hun. You've had a lot of change in your life recently and while a lot of it is good change (like having BG) change is really tough. And moving is really tough -- apparent its one of the hardes things on a person -- or so I once heard. So hang in there -- you're allowed to feel sad, overwhelmed, and anxious. I love you!

Paige said...

Venting is so very good for us, and days like your having so do not mean that you "suck at life." Hard times face us all, it just what we do to get past them, that matters the most.
Change in every aspect of life is SO hard, but we can also find things that are good in it as well. It just takes time. I have never moved away from the people that I know, so I honestly cannot relate but I pray that things get easier for you, and your days get brighter. Keep your pretty head high girl!

Brown Girl said...

I'm sorry friend. I know it's hard to look at the good side of things when you just want to vent.I hate the people that want to make things rosy so You are right, today sucks. Today is a big piece of shit. I hate today. Today can go and lick some balls.

At least there's always tomorrow...

Annie said...

you sound so overwhelmed with just life in general.
i hope tomorrow is a million times better.
try to stay positive and keep a good attitude. don't beat yourself up over the small things, such as working out. just take care of yourself and your baby girl the best you can. everything will be ok hun!

Tangles said...

Aw! ((Hugs)) I think you just said what we all feel at sometime or another, but we're afraid to say it.

Dan and Liz said...

I found your blog not long ago and thought I'd comment...I have a son who just turned ONE and I totally hear you on all of this, times 10. I feel like all of us struggle with everything you said here and it's totally ok to admit it and have bad days...tomorrow can always be better and it's ok to be sad and tired sometimes! BG is ADORABLE!

k + b said...

oh my gosh... i have these days. EVERYTHING seems to suck. it's hard especially if you just and list all the things that suck. i went through something like this when i moved 400 miles from everything i ever knew to a town where i knew NO ONE. everyone told me "oh it gets better" which was annoying. but honestly, it did. tomorrow is a new day and the biggest thing you can do for yourself is figure out your sleep issue. sleep can work miracles! a good nights rest and all the little things seem a lot more manageable.

brown eyed girl said...

Yucky, I hate those days, like where everything feels like it's against me and I want to sit down and throw an epic temper tantrum and then cry myself to sleep!

I hope you're feeling better today and that things look up for you!
XOXO

d.a.r. said...

I hate days like that!! Hugs.

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