Friday, July 31, 2009

irrational fear # 897

When I was really little, I got pecked on the foot by a seagull. Not kidding. I think it scarred me for life. My 5 year old self just stood there in shock until it hit me that I should be crying. So cry I did. A new fear was born.

The Marine and I spent the night with a family friend when were in middle school. She let us "camp out" in the living room in front of the tv. We also got to pick a movie to watch. The Marine and the lady picked "The Birds". Horrified. I dreamed that night that I was being attacked and they ate my eyes out. You know, that could totally happen.

When I was 20, I wrecked my car and had to walk to work. No big deal since I lived across from the store I worked in. One day I was walking to work and it happened. A bird swooped down and almost pecked me in the head. I took off running. I was literally shaking with fright by the time I got work. The next morning, same thing. Only I had wet hair. You see where this is going? The freaking bird almost got caught in my hair. I have never been so scared in my life. Bring on a mugger, but a bird?! Oh uh uh. I started walking a different (much longer) way to work. Stupid freakin' bird.

People always find birds that have been hurt and bring them in the clinic. I hide in the back. One time someone brought their pet bird in to get his wings clipped. It got away. Guess who it flew toward? It's like they know. I just got off the phone with another lady who wanted to bring a bird in on Monday. I think I'm calling in sick. Those little suckers are a hazard. They will eat your eyes out or peck you to death. I don't care if it's a hummingbird. Have you seen how quick those are? People don't stand a chance.

Maybe I'm irrational. And? I hate them. What are some of your "irrational" fears?

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

i miss sleep.

When I was little, I had to have the radio on to sleep. I would sing along for a little bit, but eventually I would just drift off to dreamland. I could not sleep without that noise. Probably something to do with how I can't turn my mind off.

Then in high school, I added the tv. I would go to sleep to a good movie or television show. The lights flashing didn't even phase me. I could not sleep without it.

At my senior prom one of my girlfriends took a college boy as her date. That night, the boy, Chris, slept through one of the loudest parties ever. Like slept in the middle of it. I was in awe. How on earth does one sleep through "Animal House" 2.0? He told me to wait til I got to college and I would understand.

Then I did. My dorm was full of screaming co-eds and they never bothered me. I was an athlete, so I got up super early in the morning and napped in the afternoon and I could have slept through the second coming. My roommate at the time couldn't sleep with any noise. So long nightly radio and tv. We slept with a fan. I was so tired all the time that I didn't care.

When I got out of college, my sleep patterns changed. I couldn't handle any noise at all but the fan. Thank you college roomie for ruining me. Noises outside drove me crazy. I would find myself focusing on every little sound and it keeping me awake all night. I was starting to miss my sleep.

Then I got married. Now I love my husband, but the boy is a snorer. I spent a good portion of the first couple months of our marriage sleeping on the couch, or the guest bed. I could not take it. We got a noise maker and eventually I learned that if I turned the noisemaker on and got to sleep first, I could sleep for a few hours til he would wake me up in the middle of the night. Sleeping next to him turned out to be worth it all though..

Now Mr. Perfect has a sleep machine. Oh. My. Gosh. I loathe this thing. It hums, it whispers, and it sounds like Darth Vader coming to kill me in my sleep. I can hear it over the noisemaker, I can hear it over the fan, I can even hear it over the dogs. I can't sleep. It freaks me out. I just sit there and listen to it hum and breathe. Yes, it breathes.

I friggin' miss my sleep. I am so tired, but he has to have this machine. Anyone else sleep with this wannabe alien in their room? How do you cope sleep with it on?!? I can't do earplugs. They make my ears feel dirty. I already tried them.

Must find coffee. Somehow I need to function today.

Monday, July 27, 2009

Week(end) Wrap-Up

I think my whole week last week kind of ended up blurring together. Could be because I spent it in a food coma.

My aunt ASC and uncle DC came into town last weekend from the great state of Texas. So my grandmother outdid herself with food, desserts, drinks, everything. Seriously, you can look at my waistline for proof. It has expanded.

I spent the week getting off work and heading to the g-parents for food. Ok and good company, but you know... I loved getting to hang out with ASC. She's my dad's younger sister and truly isn't that much older than me so we have a ton in common. Her new husband, DC, is awesome and really brings out such a joy in her that I haven't seen in a while. He gets my vote.

What a cute couple =)


Mr. Perfect and I after dinner one night


DC has a daughter from his first marriage who was in town as well. She spent most of the week spending time with her mom, but Friday she came out to the house for dinner. Well, and her Sweet Sixteen party and presents.

I'm so excited about EC (DC's daughter) joining the family too. The Marine and I do not have any cousins on our Dad's side, so we'll take her. Better late than never right? I got EC a scarf from Forever 21 and some necklaces and such. I had no idea what she liked (I'd never met her), but I figure you can't go wrong with giving a girl accessories! The Marine made it into town on Friday to see ASC and DC before they left. Of course we rolled out the red carpet for the chosen child's return.

I kid. =)

Kind of.

EC and her cake


After cake and ice-cream (insert waistline expanding), we dragged everyone outside for some family pictures. Never an easy task.

The Marine and I with our grand's.


family.


cousins. yay!


They told us to take a ridiculous picture. This is all we've got.


EC & I. She's a mess. All week long I heard how much she reminded everyone of me at that age. Her poor parents. They should call mine for some advice.


Saturday was spent trying to recover from our insane week. I did some housecleaning and Mr. Perfect worked in the yard. Saturday night we curled up and watched "Confessions of a Shopaholic" (not impressed) and "The Kingdom" (I actually really liked). Sunday I wasn't feeling well, my new medication is killing my stomach, so we slept late and missed church. Oops. Mr. Perfect invited my g-parents over for dinner to thank them for cooking for us all week. I have mentioned that I have the best guy ever right?!

Sunday night, I took Duke and Lacy for a run. I hadn't ran all week so I was kind of dreading it, but it was awesome. I didn't time myself, we just hit the pavement and ran. The wind was blowing, sun was shining, and both my pups were happy as can be. It was one of those runs that reminds me why I love running. Ahh... bliss.

We spent the rest of the night watching Season 1 of True Blood. We're almost done. I'm reading the books at the same time and keep getting confused between where I'm at with the two. But I LOVE the books! Good call Kate and MM! I am so glad I listened to you ladies!!

Now I'm sucked into watching this trainwreck better known as the Bachelorette finale. Is it weird that I never watch any of the episodes from this crazy franchise except for the finales?! I freakin' love them. I'm chalking it up to morbid curiosity, but I can't stop watching! Who are you ladies pulling for?

Friday, July 24, 2009

Show Us Your Life - THE dress

Kelly has been doing the fun little house tour that so many of us were a part of and is now doing a Show Us Your Life Tour. Today is all about your wedding dress and I'm jumping on this fun little wagon.

As mentioned here, my pictures of all things wedding are a major sore spot for me. But I truly loved my dress. A lot was going on at the time I got married. I was sick a lot, I'd gained a lot of weight (grrr), and there were many other stresses, but when I tried on my dress, I just knew it was THE ONE. I had visions of beautiful gowns but hated all of them on me. Once I put mine on, it was over.




With my bridesmaids.


With Mr. Perfect.. our only one I might add! will not get started...


That's my dress. I really do still love it and want to take new pictures in it. If only I knew where it was.....

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

because bullets are all that will do right now.

1. Blogger can be a nasty little minx. Especially when they don't post your scheduled post or save it. Not cool. I'll have to go back through and rewrite that one because I need some serious home decor help.

2. My in-laws are coming today for lunch. They don't stay long so we won't get to spend much time with them, but it's always nice to see them for a few minutes.

3. I started a new medication a few days ago to help with all things baby. Medication number 6. I am starting to not even feel like myself. Plus it's making me crazy. Seriously, you should have seen me yesterday. Snakes coming out of head.

4. We were supposed to try for baby this month. Then I showed up insulin resistant so we had to start meds for that. Then found out my kidney function wasn't up to par so we have to deal with that. Pregnancy trial is pushed back another 6 weeks at the earliest. I'm starting to think someone is trying to tell us something.

5. I have this really strong desire to go back to school. It's been at the back of my head for a while now, but it's getting more and more persistent in my mind. It doesn't make sense to go back to school and try to get pregnant. Thoughts on table...

6. I think I want to go back to school because work is stressing me out right now. That's all I'm going to say about that.

7. I'm wearing my really bright scrubs to work today in an attempt to wake my butt up. Not working so far.

8. I got back on the running train yesterday. Finally.

9. That's all I've got.

Monday, July 20, 2009

Weekend Wrap-up

Eventually I'm going to have to join back in the world of the productive on the weekends, but until then, I sure am going to enjoy my lazy ones.

Friday night, it was my friend Jen's birthday, so a group of us headed downtown. I did some serious shopping before I went, so of course I missed dinner, but my finds were totally worth it. I ended up meeting them down at our favorite piano bar and we had a blast! Mr. Perfect couldn't make it. Apparently some people have to work on Saturday mornings. Boo.

My bff, Turstal, and I.



Jen (in the white skirt) up on stage doing the Hokey-Pokey.


Jen, Turstal, & I


Turstal's husband, J, usually hates being in pictures, but we managed to get him to take one on Friday.


On Saturday, we hung out at the grandparents all day. My aunt and uncle are in town from Texas spending the week here, so we spent all day with them. We went out in the boat, did some swimming, a lot of eating, and a lot of back porch sitting. Do weekends really get any better?!

Aunt and Uncle


Mr. Perfect and I


Sunday was a lot of the same. I couldn't sleep Saturday (a story deserving of it's own post), so we missed Sunday School. It's actually amazing I got up at all on Sunday... I digress.

I've kind of fallen off the workout wagon recently so I did almost no exercise all weekend. I started a new medication just recently and am not adjusting to it very well at all. I did the Shred all weekend but no running. Slacker. I had every intention of running tonight when I got home, but Mother Nature had other plans. Mother Nature needs to send another way to shrink my thighs on down if she's going to make me stay inside. Just saying.

Hope everyone had a great weekend!

oh monday, you are a devilish thing...


Image


I want to climb back into my bed and pull the covers over my head.

Instead I'm off to work. I'm so over having to work for a living.

Clearly I'm bright and cheery this morning.

I so need coffee.

Friday, July 17, 2009

Take 2

Is it sad that I'm dying to pick up this weeks copy of Us Weekly?!



Can it be true? Can we possibly be headed for a Newlyweds 2.0?!

I have a secret love for these two together. Separately, not so much. But a reunion?!?

Fingers crossed.

Thursday, July 16, 2009

10 years ago..

If you know me, you know I'm obsessed with the Kennedy's. Well, except Ted, but what are you going to do.

Ten years ago we lost another great Kennedy way too soon. Bobby was my favorite because I truly believe he would have done great things for this country. JFK Jr. was a close second for the same exact reasons...



Image

Ten years ago we lost a prince along with his precious wife and her sister. I still remember that day like it was yesterday.

oops.

I'm going to let you in on a little secret.

I have the tendency to be quite flaky.

Rats. It's not something I aspired to be, it's just something that I deal with. I am ridiculously organized about most things. My bills are paid on time, I never miss work, I can find anything in my house in less than 2 seconds, my closet is sick organized by color, fabric, and sleeve length... But 9 times out of 10 I can't find my keys. Or my cell phone. I forget to lock doors or I flake out on something I was supposed to go do.

I have to write everything down. I live by my day planner. Yes, I still have an old school planner and I will not give it up. I will never make it anywhere if I don't write it down.

Last night I took Lacy running. We went to a neighborhood about 2 miles from our house where it's a bit safer for us to run and not get hit by a car. Important right? I took my key (which is this huge, monstrosity of a thing) and clipped it to Lacy's collar. I do this every time. I don't like having to hold things while I run. So we finish our 3 miles and get back to the car. I bend down to get the key off her collar and it's not there.

Crap.

So we start walking a little bit back to look for it. By this point, I'm basically dragging Lacy to keep her moving. Why don't I just call Mr. Perfect to come get us?

Because I forgot my freaking phone.

Crap.

Mr. Perfect is HUGE on taking your phone with you wherever you go. Or maybe he's just huge on me taking my phone wherever I go since I seem to have the ability to get into "situations".

What to do?!

My poor dog is giving me these huge puppy dog eyes basically begging me to let her lie down. Well she shouldn't have lost my key.

Yep. Blame the dog. Real mature.

So we had to walk the 2 miles home. On one of the busiest, narrowest streets in town. We would sprint down the road when there were no cars coming and then have to jump on to the shoulder when there were cars coming. It. Was. Not. Fun.

I should write a letter to our city about the condition of the side of the roads. I don't know how we didn't get bit by a snake.

Finally, we made it home. What do I see the minute I walk in the kitchen? My phone, on the counter. Mr. Perfect was furious. I was mad he didn't come looking for us.

I have this incredible gift of turning my irrational anger on someone else. Lacy got it the whole way home. Mr. Perfect got it when I got home. See how none of this was my fault?!?

Yea. I know. I really wish things like this weren't the norm for me, but... It should be no surprise that I'm terrified I will completely lose my mind when I get older.

I don't think Lacy will go running with me again for a while. Sorry Lacy. I also think Mr. Perfect will tie my phone on me next time. Poor boy.. I don't know how he deals with me.

Monday, July 13, 2009

the state of our union.

Not a good day for celebrity couples huh?

Jon G, you are a douche bag. Yep. I said it. What kind of person runs off to France and leaves behind his 8 children? What kind of person doesn't get Mr. Perfect and I a ticket?!

P.S. Your shirt is hideous.

Then there's our poor girl Jess. Tony, if you didn't want to buy the girl a birthday present or dress up as Ken for her party, then just say so. The day before her birthday, really?!?

Mr. Perfect and I had a bad weekend. We just didn't click. There's those times when everything you say bothers him, and everything he says (and does) bothers you. That was us on Saturday. But then, it's over. Something makes you laugh hysterically and you can't imagine sharing it with anyone else. In our case it was a toad hunt.

The bad times suck, but they're gone so quick. We watched our dog chase a piece of ice around the house last night and laughed hysterically. Apparently we're two but there's no one else I can imagine laughing that hard with. Plus, we're the only ones who find that funny. Every day with him gets a little better, we get a little more comfortable, and we fall into an even better routine. I'm so glad that years after saying "I do" there's no one else I'd rather see at the end of the day, no other name I want to see on my caller id, no other car I want pulling into my driveway.

Thanks for not breaking up with me Mr. Perfect. Thanks for also not wearing ridiculously hideous t-shirts or bailing on my birthday. You're a keeper.

Now if only I could figure out a way to stop his dang snoring.

Toad - 1, Imperfects - 0

Our dog, Lacy, is usually quite the toad (frog?) hunter. If they make their way too close to the house, she's on it.

She missed one.

That one little frog (toad?) sat outside our bedroom window and made dying cow noises croaked all night long.

"I'm going to fire a round at that thing in a minute" Mr. Perfect claimed while getting ready for bed.

"But hon, how will you know where to shoot?"

"I'm going to fire so many *rounds one will get him!"

*Edited for family content.

No shooting was had and the frog eventually quieted down. After he almost made us move to the guest room for the night.

Maybe Lacy didn't hunt him because she ran face first into a road sign and a brick mailbox on our run. Can't decide if she was just too tired to move, or if she's possibly as flaky as her mom... I'm going with the latter.

Thursday, July 9, 2009

lack of sticktoitofness.

I'm diagnosing myself with a lack of sticktoitofness. I feel blah. I went to the gym yesterday to hit the dreadmill since it was raining out. I. Could. Not. Do. It. I think I hate the gym. The smell, the funny people in spandex, the lack of good music. I could go on for days. Add to this that the tv's in front of the treadmills don't work and I still don't have an ipod and I just can't do it.

I got off and left.

I did decide while driving home to just stop being a lardbutt and just go run. So I did. I hammered out 3 miles in the rain.

Tonight? Nada.

I ran for 20 minutes, the humidity had me drenched in sweat and I decided reading blogs sounded more fun than hitting the pavement.

I was right.

Gah. I need some motivation. Like Eric Bana running one mile ahead of me. I could run then.

It's not even the running that bothers me. It's the a.d.d. and the fact that I don't have anything to distract me. Of course if I was too distracted I could get hit by a car. That would suck.

Tuesday, July 7, 2009

rain makes me lazy.

I have not ran since Saturday. I am so lazy.

In my defense, it's raining cats and dogs outside and I spent a good portion of my day at the doctor's office. After not eating all morning. Have you seen me when I've skipped a meal?! Think snakes.. coming out of my head.

I'm Southern. I like my food.

My glucose experience was not as bad as it could be. I got there pretty early, just about 4 or 5 people ahead of me. They all got in and out pretty quickly. Except for these 2 young women and a little boy. Who almost didn't live to see another day.

You know the kid. The one screaming and running around Will Ferrell style.


*I think I just wanted a reason to watch that clip*

Seriously though, this kid was throwing himself over chairs, climbing in peoples faces, and the women just watched.

He approached me once. Remember, snakes.....

I did almost lose it after drinking that orange crap (you can't even call it juice, because that's not fair to all the juices out there). But the lady told me if I did *ahem puke, that I'd have to start all over.

Give me that junk lady. I was not staying a second longer with Will.

I managed to "work" the rest of the day. Well really I watched the MJ memorial all day. Not even touching that subject, except that his daughter about made me break down. It really comes down to the fact that those kids lost their father.. A complete heart break.

Even though I'm not convinced those are her kids. Have you seen them?!?

This is all over the place because I'm tired. Heading to a funeral tomorrow for D's grandmother. Then hitting the road running. Literally. I've got to stop being so lazy.

Monday, July 6, 2009

incredible weekend.

When you practically need a vacation to recover from your weekend, I think it's pretty safe to say you had a GREAT weekend...

We started our weekend early with Mexican food with the Marine and Lora (his girlfriend). The Marine has been in Virginia for the last couple of months getting his training to be a bomb dog handler in Afghanistan on his upcoming deployment, so this was the first time we got to see him in a while.

The Marine and Lora



Mr. Perfect and I. Please excuse my rat's nest hair. Summertime in Coastal Town does not play nice with my hair.


Lora & I


I had to work on Friday which I was super happy about (right..), but I managed to dip out of there pretty early. Mr. Perfect had planned a surprise date night for us and I wanted to do some shopping first. I scored big time at the Victoria's Secret sale and managed to find a cute pair of shoes to wear with my new BCBG dress.

I had no idea what the Mister had planned for us, but I'm all for any reason to dress up so I was game. We got all gussied up and headed downtown. He surprised me with dinner at Ruth's Chris, which was out of this world. Plus our waiter rocked and gave us free champagne. Score! It was absolutely delicious. After dinner we drove over to the street that had the little bed and breakfast that we stayed at on our wedding night. I wanted to get a picture of us in front of it, you know, four years later and all. Well Mr. Perfect strolled right on in the front door. He had booked us a room to stay in for the night! He'd even packed a bag for each of us, gotten the dogs a "sitter", and even remembered my bedtime medication! What a sweetie! He tried to get us the same room we stayed in on our wedding night, but it was booked. How did I get so lucky?!?

My heart and soul...


us.




Saturday morning we headed back to the house to pick up the Marine and Lora, and then head to the grandparents for the day. I got in a quick 2 miles and then we hit the water. We skied, tubed, laid out, ate, and pretty much were completely unproductive the whole day. It was perfection.

Lora & Mr. Perfect loading up the boat.


on the boat.


Waiting to ski.


Mr. Perfect tubing.


The Marine and I. We are NEVER serious.




Going back out to the dock for fireworks. Look at that view!



All of us.


Mr. Perfect and I were trying to get a good picture and my little brother just had to be in it. This picture absolutely cracks me up!


better =)


The Marine and I with our Granddad.


The guy in the middle of this picture is basically the Marine and my older brother. His parents (who have both passed) lived right next to our grandparents when they were alive. My dad and aunts babysat him, D, growing up. Then D watched the Marine and I growing up and basically was our older brother. Those two girls are D's children that I used to babysit for. D's family is our closest family friends and spend all holidays with us. D's grandmother actually died on the 3rd so it was kind of a somber fourth for the family. Aren't his girls just precious?!


By the time we made it home Saturday night, I was one exhausted, burnt lady. But it was so worth it. We headed right back out on the water Sunday too. We actually took the pups out there for the day and could not keep them out of the water.


The Marine teaching Miss Lacy how to swim.


Getting ready to cast for shrimp.


My babies..


Our little family. Well minus Cash. And the cat, but I don't really count him.


Hope ya'll had a great weekend as well! It's going to take me days to get back in the swing of things. I've got my lovely little glucose/insulin resistance test tomorrow, so I'm sure that will bring me back to reality. Hopefully this week will go by pretty quickly. I've got the summer bug. I need my sunshine fix!

Friday, July 3, 2009

peace out!

This will be my view this weekend.



The Marine is in town, so Mr. Perfect will be spending the weekend with him and his girlfriend, Lora, out on the river. Boating, tubing, tanning, eating... my perfect weekend.

Thank you all for your kind words and thoughts. I had my meltdown and am doing much better. This is the hand I've been dealt and I will get through it. It's all going to be perfect in the end.

So have a great weekend. I've been at work all day (grrr.. boss man) but I'm peacing out right now as a matter of fact. The Mister has something up his sleeve for tonite which I know nothing about. Except that I get to wear my new BCBG dress finally. Hurrah! Hope you all enjoy your holiday weekend!!

Thursday, July 2, 2009

decorating 101 dilemna.

I need your help ladies.

We are in the never ending process of decorating our house. Currently I am at a loss for what should go above the bed in our bedroom. I'm actually at a loss for the guest room too, but one thing at a time for my sake. Our bed looks like so at the moment. We don't have a headboard on the bed. We don't have one that goes on the King frame. I thought about having Mr. Perfect make one and covering it in fabric which I am still debating. If I did so, I want to do a gallery sort of prints over that. Smaller prints or not that many so as not to detract from the headboard.



Photo taken from Good Housekeeping

Something along those lines. Or maybe a few more but smaller.

Then I saw this picture on a blog and just loved it. I don't remember where I got it so if it was from you, much appreciated!


I know that's a couch, but I love how commanding that is. Your eye is just drawn right in. If I did something like this, I would not have a headboard. I'm pretty sure that many pictures would be able to hold their own.

They would all be in white frames, probably not matted. Sepia pictures of different trees to match the theme the bedroom. Thoughts?

Wednesday, July 1, 2009

because i need a freakin' pick me up.



courtesty of anthroplogie

i heart.

doctor update

Warning: Post below is full of female medical jargon. Feel free to fly right on past if you want.

A couple weeks ago, we went back to Dr. O for our "monitored ovulation" appointment. Basically he used an ultrasound to see what my ovaries were doing during my current cycle. We went in on Thursday the 18th and saw his nurse for our appointment. Basically everything looked right on track. It was still early (which I knew because I chart, thank you Mrs. Newlywed for helping me with that!), but for the point in my cycle everything looked good. From what she could tell, I was ovulating off my left side and the follicle which I was ovulating from was measuring 16 x 16. Really no idea what that means, but they want it at 20 x 20 to consider the follicle healthy. Also my endometrium (lining of the uterus) was measuring at a 6, which is the minimum they want when you ovulate. Overall, everything looked great for a couple days prior to ovulation. I was thrilled that something was going right.

They wanted me to come back in on Saturday morning to take a look again. So we got up bright and early and headed back up to the hospital, everyone's favorite place to be on their day off. Basically the appointment was craptastic. My follicle was now measuring 17 x 13 and is considered "abnormal" and my endometrium was still only measuring at a 6. It hadn't gotten any thicker at all. It was still early, but the follicle should have been around a 20 x 20 at this point and clearly that wasn't going to happen. The possibility of us doing the next pregnancy try without the use of fertility drugs?

Nonexistent.

Clomid is not an option for me since it tends to thin out your endometrium and mine is already thin enough, so Dr. O sent me for more blood work (vampires!) to figure out his next course.

I. Am. So. Frustrated.

I really thought this was one test that I would ace. I mean clearly I ovulate; I've been pregnant four times for crying out loud. I had a mini-breakdown when leaving on Saturday. Mr. Perfect tried to make me see reason by reminding me that this can be fixed, that there are drugs for this.

Well I know that. But I just wanted one thing to go right.

I had my blood drawn on Monday I had to fast and then go in and get my post ovulation progesterone levels taken and my glucose and insulin tested. Got my results on that today. My progesterone showed that I had ovulated but it was pretty low. Not surprising since it has been low every single pregnancy and I always get put on progesterone shots immediately. My glucose came back good but my insulin came back high. As did my glucose/insulin ratio. I don't really understand much about that. From what the nurse told me, it can predispose you to diabetes but not necessarily. In fact if any of you nurses out there can hook me up with a bit of info about this, I would be forever grateful. I go back Tuesday for a glucose curve (sounds super fun) and then the next Tuesday for a consult.

Know what that means?

We don't try this month. Not until we figure out this new little curve ball.

I am cussing internally. I am so frustrated.

Did I already say that?!?

I think there's a little bucket up in heaven that has my healthy reproductive system in it. I wish it would drop on down. I think my patience and my real nose are in there too. I feel like I'm about to lose it. I'm going to need one thing to go right soon...

cannot wait.

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