Monday, April 27, 2009

strugglin'....

I am struggling to be positive right now. So I'm actually going to keep this short. Because negativity sucks and I don't want to be responsible for putting it out in the world.

=)

I went in for surgery at noon on Friday. By this point I was hungry, thirsty, cranky, and about to pass out from hunger. I'd been living off liquids for 3 days and hadn't had anything since 8 pm on Thursday. I just wanted to get to the hospital and get it over with.

I only had to wait in the waiting room for about 20 minutes. They had me go on back by myself for a couple more pre-surgical tests. I got my blood pressure taken (low), a pregnancy test taken (negative), and got spiffied up in my designer hospital gown. My nurse was an elderly lady who was super nice, but stuck me way too many times so our friendship got off to a bad start. She decided first of all that I needed something to relax, but I needed an IV first. 10 minutes later she came back to give me an IV. She took my right hand and made a remark about how good my veins were. Why don't you just jinx yourself lady?! She gave me a numbing shot of Lidocaine (which I don't get- it hurts worse than just getting the iv put in!), then tried to get my catheter in. The vein blew. I told you you jinxed yourself nurse lady... She moved to the left hand. Same thing. She decided to go get someone else who does manage to get an iv in the side of my right arm.

They finally let Mr. Perfect come back and they give me something to "relax" me. Basically, makes me worthless. I saw my doc for a quick second who just stopped by to do some reassuring (not necessary post drugs...) and then the anesthesiologist came by. Same guy that I had back in January. Nice guy. Same name as my dentist. Not important facts....

They finally came and wheeled me back to get ready for the O.R. They wheeled me into a room full of old people and I begged the nurse wheeling me back to not leave me in there... Scary. (I am not afraid of old people, but I was tripping... and these people did not look healthy!! I didn't want to be left in the "room of the dying" as I saw it.) I remember all of two seconds of being in the operating room and then it's all.... blank.

Apparently the surgery lasted almost 4 hours. Dr. O came out to talk to Mr. Perfect and show him some pictures of everything. From what I've gotten from Mr. Perfect, the septum was a bit bigger than they had thought, but Dr. O feels fairly confident that they got the problem. While they were in there, they did discover that I had endometriosis on my abdominal wall. Basically, the cells that line your uterine wall are endometriol cells, but endometriosis is when they grow on other body parts. I think that's a dumbed down version. I haven't been able to talk to my doctor about all this yet. Dr. O went ahead and made one other cut in my abdomen and went ahead and lasered the endometriosis out. He thinks that he got it all.

I have felt like crap for the last 4 days. My stomach hurts to the touch. The gas they blew up my abdomen with to look around, is stuck in my chest and it hurts to lay down. The only time I can function is when I take the pain pills, but then I feel loopy and out of it and I can't deal with that. I slept most of the weekend but am now trying to get up and do something. I can't even straighten up without feeling a tug in my abdomen that sends me back to the couch in pain. I'm frustrated with hurting, I'm frustrated with not being able to eat, and I'm frustrated with feeling like crap. I'm frustrated that I even had to have this surgery in the first place, but then I'm grateful that I did because they found the endometriosis and hopefully early enough that it will have little impact.

I don't do good on my own. I know this. So two days at home, laying in bed, in the dark is seriously messing with my head. I'm getting depressed and sad. I'm mad because I haven't worked out in days and I feel flabby. I'm mad that my head hurts and is making me think about it, when it's my stomach's turn to hurt (I might be insane). I want to go back to work but I'm afraid it will hurt. I'm seriously strugglin' right now ya'll...

9 comments:

Mrs. Smith said...

Megs-

I had this same surgery for endo about a year ago, and I completely commiserate with you. My doc told me I would be feeling great to go back to work the next day...and I was out for the count for about a week, in tremendous pain, all the while feeling like a wuss because they didn't even give me any pain meds. Thankfully, at the time, I worked at a hospital and had a lovely resident friend write me an rx for percocet.

I was uncomfortable, in pain, and barely had the energy to walk around the block, not to mention the fact that I had spotting issues for several weeks (just a heads up so you won't be surprised).

Don't push yourself too hard too soon. Rest, relax, get pain meds. :) I couldn't work out for about a month or so (I don't remember the exact specifics, but it was not pretty). The most important thing is to take care of yourself and rest rest rest!

If you have any questions/concerns/anything - drop me an email. I feel ya.

Preppy 101 said...

Take good care of yourself and do not try to overextend yourself. The pain pills are helping you heal. The body gets stressed out when you are in pain. Just give in to this for a few more days and you will feel better! I think an incision in the stomach area is one of the worst pains. Thinking about you. xoxo

Jennifer said...

I hope it starts getting better! I know it has to be hard laying on the couch all day, but it will be better for your recovery in the long run. I'll be saying prayers for you!

Jennifer said...

I hope you get to feeling better really soon. I can imagine you are feeling really weak, so just try to lay down and let your body heal. It is so hard to lay down for days, but it will make your body feel better. I hope that this surgery helps everything you are going through.

Megan said...

I am so sorry! I know this has to be so frustrating for you, but I am glad that you are grateful that you had it done. Don't push yourself too hard and just give your body time to heal. I know it stinks to lay on the couch for days, but it won't be forever! I hope you feel better SOON!

SassyEngineer said...

I'm so sad to hear you struggling! Try to keep a positive attitude, but I know how hard that is to do. I'm a pessimist by nature I think. Anyway, I have said prayers for you, but I will keep on praying for a speedy and pain free recovery. I know you feel alone at home all day, but just know you have all of us!

Grad3 said...

While I can only imagine how much it all must suck--- I am so glad that they took the time to look around while inside.

While it's awful now, think of how much more 'awful' that 1T will be and how blissful the 2T will feel ;)) Hang in there...

Sending some sunlight and hugs your way!

Naturally Caffeinated Family said...

i am so sorry you are having to go through all of this. definitely don't push yourself! maybe hubby can get you some fun magazines to look at while you're resting=) praying you feel so much better soon!

My name is Megan... said...

I somehow missed this post!!! I'm sorry! you poor thing :( I'm starting to feel like I didn't give you enough warning!! HOWEVER, this WILL ALL be SO worth it!!! hope you are doing better!!

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