My heart is absolutely aching for her. I think because I am pretty young, I don't tend to think these things happen to people my age and this has given me a swift reminder that no one is promised tomorrow. Not even people my age.
Sometimes I get caught up in the everydayness of life and life with BG becomes so routine that I almost find myself taking it for granted. Taking the fact that I have a beautiful, healthy two and half year old for granted. Sometimes I get so used to having her around that I forget the four years prior to her that I begged and pleaded with God to please let me be a Mother. To please let my child live here on this Earth with me.
Now she does. She is a walking, talking, squealing, breathing answer to prayer. She is an example of God's mercy and God's absolute grace in the flesh. She is a miracle.
And I am not guaranteed one more day with her.
I am not trying to be morbid at all, In fact, quite the opposite. Because I want to know that if my time on Earth was through, that I lived it the best way possible. That I lived greatly, loved so hard it hurt, and made sure that those around me knew how much I loved them and how important they were to me.
Yesterday the little and I had a very lazy day at home. We played a lot, watched some tv, napped, and were generally extremely lazy. After her nap time, I set her up in the living room with a snack and an episode of Diego and then ran to try and finish up a few work emails. While I was typing she crept into the office and put her hand on my lap. I asked her if her show was over and she said "No Mommy. But I just want to sit with you".
So I did the only logical thing; I picked up my drink and I walked into the living room and sat with my girl while we watched Diego. The email wasn't finished, dinner wasn't started, and there were three loads of laundry waiting to be folded but I simply didn't care. In that moment, there was no where on this planet that I would have preferred to be.
Sometimes you just have to be with your loved one. I had to apologize to the hubs for the no dinner thing and I ended up having to finish emails quickly long after BG had (sort of) gone to bed, but it was worth it. It was so worth it.