doctor update.

A couple of weeks ago, Mr. Perfect and I got a call from our specialist saying we had results in on some tests they had ran following Baby Girl's birth.

Per Dr. O's (our specialist) suggestion, we agreed to having BG's placenta reviewed by a pathologist to see if we could answer any lingering questions regarding my fertility issues. Dr. O was hoping that we could see how the placenta handled the pregnancy and if it would answer some remaining questions on the past miscarriages and also hopefully give us some insight to future pregnancies that we may consider.

The results were basically what we expected.

Apparently the placenta was small compared to BG's birth weight. First example of a not completely healthy one. Second, it had some areas that had started to go necrotic. That would explain why BG had stopped growing in utero and was also my worst fear. Thankfully our docs monitored her so well that that did not become an issue. The placenta showed that it was very obviously "handled with medication". A good clue to show us that this protocol would probably be needed in future pregnancies. Super fun.

There was one area that showed a problem between where BG's blood came in contact with mine. Basically (and this is high science stuff so I'm trying to explain it best I can being as how I had to have "regular people" explain it to me), it showed an area where BG had either tried to reject the nutrition that placenta was sending her, or there is a possibility that it shows where BG has picked up some malformations from me. Meaning, there is a possibility that she can have the same blood flow, cardiovascular issues I have. My issues show in my reproductive organs. We wouldn't know where hers would show.

It's all such complicated, medical jargon. Our specialist is a leading researcher in this field, so he gives us a lot of theories and possibilities. There is a possibility that she will never have an issue. There's a possibility she could have reproductive issues. There's a possibility that she could carry some of the same gene mutations I have.

I can't worry about all that right now. I'm sure that by the time all this would come in to play with her, the medical field will be ten times more advanced and she may have no issues at all. She will know my history so perhaps that will help. As of right now, she's a perfectly healthy four month old. I'm not worrying about things that can't be dealt with right now.

As for me. I still had some elevated cardiovascular levels that came back during pregnancy. I am supposed to go get a a complete work up to see where my levels are now. It's possible that the stress of the pregnancy elevated some levels and they may be normal now. That's what we're hoping for. If they are still elevated, I may be sent to a cardiologist for some work ups. Once again, all this just ties in with my blood flow system and how it basically sucks. I have started up one of my supplements because the minute after I had her and quit my meds, my headaches came back full force. So now I'm trying to control those with the supplement. I haven't started back up on the Metformin yet, as Dr. O wants to know my levels first. Other than the one supplement, I am medication free at the moment. And it feels great.

As for future pregnancies. Honestly, we are kind of closed off to any right now. Mr. Perfect and I joke a lot about how we're never doing this again, but I can't tell how much of that we are serious about it. I will say that as of right now, it is not in the cards. For me personally, (I can't speak for him as his thoughts aren't my story to tell) I am not looking forward to the protocol again. I can't even begin to imagine feeling the way I did while pregnant with BG running around. I don't think it would be fair to her to not be able to pick her up because I'm so sore and bruised from shots. To not be able to spend time with her because the meds have me so exhausted and sick that I can't see straight. Ugh. It makes me sad to even think about.

Then there is this. As devastating as our miscarriages were prior to BG, I think that going through one post her would be ten times worse. For some reason, now that I've met her and see what I have with her, losing the chance to have that again would be horrible.

Does that make sense?

Probably not. But it does to me. It's like I know now what we would be missing. Crazy I know, but that's the way my mind works.

So all that to say, plan for now is for BG to be our one and only. It's just so much to go through.

Then I think how bad I want her to have siblings. Or I see pictures of little babies on Twitter and I get a big 'ol case of the baby fever. We shall see.

Never say never.

I'm just glad we have some answers. And I'm super, super glad that all this worked and we have our girl.