9-11-01

Ten years ago, I woke up to the sounds of my roommate, Lori, and my suitemate, Ashley talking as they got ready for class. We were all freshmen at a small college in south Georgia. I was a soccer player so I was up way before them for practice and such most days. For some reason, we didn't have practice that morning so I got to sleep in.

I was pissed at how loud they were being. Not only was it my day to sleep in, but it was also my birthday. I just wanted five extra minutes! I tried to roll back over and go back to sleep, but they turned the news up too loud.

I didn't want to go to class. I thought since it was birthday I didn't have to go. Ashley was trying to convince me to get up when Lori pulled the covers off of me and started jabbering about some sort of plane and New York City. I heard her, but in my sleepy state I just didn't get it. Lori and I were running late to our nine am class (as usual) so as we were shutting the door, we saw the second plate hit on our tv.

My stomach dropped. I looked at Lori and she looked at me and we were both pale as ghosts. What was going on?

We didn't know what to do, so we headed to class. Our professor was standing at the door and the classroom was empty. He told us to go to the student center and hang out there. This was huge whatever it was.

I walked into the student center and saw the people gathered around the tv. No one was talking. That was really odd and scared me more than anything. College students are never quiet. One of the boys across the room looked up when we walked in and hollered out "hey! Happy Birthday by the way." Then we got the news about the Pentagon.

Everything got hazy there because all I could remember at that moment was that my Dad was flying that day. He's in the military and was headed to a meeting when all of this happened. I called my Mom and all she could tell me was that he was safe and that they had landed his plane somewhere but she wasn't sure where.

My heart sank. Being from a military family, I knew this was the beginning of something huge. I just couldn't wrap my head around it that day. My entire campus shut down for the day. We were told to call our families, make sure everyone was safe and just be together for the day. The Canadians and the other foreign students were solemn as they watched us try to process what was happening to our country.

Other than that boy, there was not another birthday wish. Even I forgot it was my birthday.

My world changed that day. I had always been a person that saw the best in everyone so it shook me to the core that someone could be this mean. I was terrified of what this meant for my Dad as he left to go overseas very soon afterwards. I was terrified to fly. I now looked at different groups of people with fear where as before I looked at everyone the same.

Colors now marked "terror levels". Searches were now hardcore at airports. Everything was different.

I don't think anyone will ever forget that day. I sure hope they don't. When I think back on that day, I remember the terrifying feeling in my gut, the panic as I waited for word on my Dad and the anger at how someone could do this. But I also remember how proud I was of my country. As the stories came out of rescues and the firefighters and such, I knew we would get through this.

And we have.

My Dad and my brother have been deployed since then. It's different from deployments before 9-11. They terrify me now. But I'm so proud of them for fighting for their country. I am so, so proud of all of our troops.

I'm a different person from the girl who woke up on her nineteenth birthday. My country is different. I love this place. I can't imagine living anywhere else.

Mr. P and I watched the 9-11 coverage in silence last night. I couldn't help but tear up as it all came back. As once again, I watched the day my world changed.

Someday I'll tell BG about this. She will never feel the raw emotion her parents feel because she wasn't there, but she needs to know. America needs to never forget.

Mayberry it isn't.

Sometimes I wonder if bringing a child into this world is a completely selfish act. Like is it just something that we do because we think we're supposed to? Or because we need the title of "Mom" or "Dad" to complete us?

My child is one of the best things that has ever happened to me. By far. But it terrifies me to let her out into this world that I brought her into.

A world where she can no longer ride her bike down to a friends house. A world where her classroom is not safe. A world where fifth graders know what sex is and are probably having it.

Will she even get to have a childhood?

Every day I turn on the tv, or the computer, or heck, even Twitter, I'm blasted by breaking news of shootings, robberies, abductions, and political mess. The world is in turmoil and it terrifies me to think of my little one trying to navigate her way in it.

Baby sitters practically need background checks. School shooting are on the rise. And then there's this.

I try to be a person who genuinely thinks there is good in every person. But with my child around, I have a hard time doing that anymore. I am so cautious for her.

And that's not even fair to her.

When I was growing up, I ran away once. I ran all the way to the other end of the street where I hid in my best friend Nick's mom's closet. After what felt like forever (but in reality was probably a half hour), my Mom came and found me. She was calm and collected as she brought me back home and explained why running away was not a good idea.

Then she probably cut my butt, but that's neither here nor there.

My point is this; my mother's first thought was not that I'd been abducted. She wasn't worried that I'd been raped or murdered. She had found out where I was with one quick phone call (which I hadn't known about) and then she'd come and gotten me after we'd had some time to calm down.

That would never happen now a days.

A few weeks ago my friend Jenn's two year old unlocked the front door and walked the .2 miles down the road to her grandparents house.

In the ten minutes it took to find her, Jenn pictured a number of different scenarios that happened to her child. She was in a flat panic. Fortunately all was fine and mother and daughter were soon reunited.

Quite a different picture from me running away twenty years ago.

Every night I pray for my child. I pray that she's safe and taken care of and that most importantly, she gives her life to God at an early age. Because her Dad and I did bring her into a scary, scary world. We will do everything in our power to keep her safe, but we can only do so much.

We no longer live in Mayberry folks.

I beg of you to pray for your children. To be involved in their lives. Talk to them. Question them daily about what they're doing and who they're doing it with. Love them. They should always know that their parents have their backs.

My little one and her entire generation have a tough road ahead of them.

Pray for those affected by the shooting today. Pray for our country.

9-11

Nine years ago, I turned nineteen.

I was a freshman in college and was sleeping until the absolute last minute where I could get up and still get to class on time. Clearly I haven't grown out of that habit.. My roommate and my suite mate were up getting ready and watching tv. Out of nowhere, I heard my roomie, Lori, gasp and turn the tv up.

I got out of bed to a world that had been turned upside down.

We watched in shock at the coverage following the first plane hitting. We hurried to class where we saw the second one hit. Our campus was in shock.

I called my Mom. My Dad was flying to DC that day and we had no idea where he was. They wouldn't tell us where his plane was. Worst day of my life.

Since then my Dad has deployed twice. My brother has deployed once.

Worlds were turned upside down that day. I can't imagine how the people who lost loved ones must feel on this day..

Nine years ago I turned nineteen years old. Today I turn twenty eight. Amazing what nine years can teach a person. Amazing what nine years can do to a country..

My thoughts and prayers got out to those of you affected by 9-11.

My day will be spent cuddling this little one...

And thanking God for another very happy birthday.