little joys.:day 15 & 16

My child hasn't napped in two days. This does not bring me joy.

But, she has still been pretty awesome to be around and that does make me happy.

Monday was October 15th which is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness day. This day hurts my heart.

It hurts my heart because of my four babies that I know are waiting for me. It hurts my heart for dear friends who have buried babies. It just hurts my heart.

But this little miracle? Good God I'm thankful for her.

So we spent the day outside running together and checking out a local trail and just being together. And when the thoughts of the others creeped in, I focused on her. Her laugh, her smile, just her being here.

I'll hold the others one day. Today, I thank them for paving the way for her. Because without them, she wouldn't be here. Man, how different would life be?

Sometimes I feel like the worst Mom ever because I don't focus on the others all the time. But truth be told, I just can't. Because it still hurts. And it always will. But I do like having a day to just sit and think about them and be sad for them. I'll see them soon.

Today, the little refused a nap again. But she was pretty pleasant so I'll forgive her. And then the MIL came and got her for a few hours so I could get some things done around here. Love her.

Life is good right now. It's hard, and you'll have a post on that soon enough, but it's good. It is really, really good.

Read my other 31 Days posts here.

sunday: in a list.

We decided to take away BG's "Wubbie" (paci) last night.

She decided to mangle chew it up during yesterday's nap and I didn't feel comfortable letting her have it last night. It was in pieces and Mr.P and I didn't want to take the chance that she could choke on it, so, it's gone.

But that's another post for another day.

I'm tired though. Because Wubbie-less sleep is not great sleep apparently and I need great sleep to function. So you get a list tonight. A list of my top moments from today.

BG woke up raring and ready to go and quickly discovered Daddy's hunting gear. Which quickly became her "monster" costume. She so makes me laugh.

We go to church at 11:15 which means we have plenty of time to get ready laze around in the mornings. Which BG and I perfected this morning by laying in bed watching Dora until the last possible second. We are really, really good at getting ready with a time crunch. Just saying.

Church was exactly what Mr. P and I both needed today. My soul was fed big time and I'm still processing today's word. I love when that happens.

After picking up the little, she promptly told us how much fun she had at church. Big win. Then she only wanted to hold my hand and wanted Mommy to carry her stuff to the car. Mom win. ;)

Nap was a bust but it lead to cuddling in the chair with my favorite.

Which lead to more cuddling before bed as Mommy wished for wine and BG mourned the loss of her Wubbie. We needed to hold an Irish wake for the thing. This is why you should always have Sunday drinks.

Now.. she's sleeping. With no Wubbie. Which makes the whole day a win. Sunday was a good day.

You can read the rest of my 31 Days series here.

small joys: family

It's been a while since Mr. P and I have lived close to family.

In Anderson, we were three hours away from the closest family members and there were so many days that I would have given anything to have some family, aka some help, closer.

I adore my child, but I also know that I need a break from her occasionally. Unfortunately those breaks have been few and far between and have led to tears multiple times when I was sick or exhausted and just needed some family around to help out.

I know I'm not alone as many of my blog/Twitter friends are in familiar situations. And it sucks. Bad.

When we were getting ready to move, the thought of moving so close to family did make me a little nervous. I like my space. A lot. And I don't like having people around all of the time. That's just me.

But I was also a little bit ecstatic that we were going to be moving closer to family. To people who give me a break every now and then.

Today I got one of those breaks and it was magical.

BG spent the morning playing at her Granny's and for two hours I was able to edit pictures, plays on Facebook, clean up some, and basically do whatever I wanted with no toddler between my feet. It was just the break I needed.

I missed her after about five minutes but I also remember how good it is for my soul to get a break. So I let her play while I relaxed and just had some "me" time.

It wasn't too long ago that I would've given anything for that break. Today I soaked it up big time.

You can read the rest of my 31 Days series here.

savoring these days

So I am really, really bad at doing things on time. Apparently this challenge is no different.

Our days are pretty boring right now. And I mean boring in the best possible way. We are still trying to figure out a permanent schedule so until then, we are just enjoying our time together and doing a lot of just hanging around the house.

On Wednesday, my brother and his family came into town and went to the fair with us.

This was BG's second trip to the fair but her first time with her Daddy and it was AK's first trip to the fair. It was an absolute blast. But the best part? being close enough (location wise) to my brother and his family to share this moment. I loved it y'all. Every single second.

Thursday BG wasn't feeling so well so we played inside a lot. Like all day. And it was awesome. I'm not working right now but that won't be like that for long and I am soaking up this time with her. Time just us. I can't even tell you what this time has done for our relationship already. Just seeing how close and how bonded we are after this time makes me never want to leave. She is so, so cool.

Friday was a lot like Thursday. BG didn't even make it out of her pj's til after her nap. We had a tea party at ten am and then fed her baby some breakfast. We made a craft, we watched some Diego; it was lazy and so nice. She made me laugh so hard as she decided that she could only have tea because the "coffee" I poured was "so very, very hot Mom". She's so dramatic. And so hilarious.

I am loving these lazy days with her. Loving them. They are so, so full but they are full of all the important things; her laughter, lessons with her, playing, and molding her into a woman she can be proud of. These little moments with her are the best days and I cannot get enough.

It's kind of funny that I picked the small things topic because right now, that's all our days are. But in the past, I would've just rushed right on by them without a second look. Now, I can't get enough. I can't get enough of her crazy laughter, or her frat boy hair flip she does a thousand times a day because she won't let me put her hair out of her face. She's growing up so fast and I miss so many of these little things by not just being with her. This time in this new town has forced me to slow down and for that I am so grateful.

To read the rest of my 31 Days series you can go here.

day 9: she makes me laugh

BG used to love to smile for pictures. Then she went through this mean mugging stage where she wasn't smiling but at least she was looking at the camera. Now? It's a miracle if I can get her to even stand still for the five seconds it takes me to get to the camera ap.

Today it was finally cold enough to break out some of the new fall clothes she has acquired. I picked out a dress and a pair of leggings but she wanted nothing to do with what I picked and ran to pick out something different to wear.
It's official. BG is officially on #teamleggingsaspants. I couldn't help but laugh after I got her dressed because her Mom is so the opposite. Although, if I had a cute butt and legs... maybe.

Whatever. She rocked it.

She still wouldn't let me take her picture though. Toddlers are silly.

day 8: little moments

I cannot say enough how much what has happened to sweet Julee has affected me lately. And I seriously doubt that I am alone. Please to continue to pray for Julee and Preslee as well as the rest of Matt's family in the coming days.

My heart is absolutely aching for her. I think because I am pretty young, I don't tend to think these things happen to people my age and this has given me a swift reminder that no one is promised tomorrow. Not even people my age.

Sometimes I get caught up in the everydayness of life and life with BG becomes so routine that I almost find myself taking it for granted. Taking the fact that I have a beautiful, healthy two and half year old for granted. Sometimes I get so used to having her around that I forget the four years prior to her that I begged and pleaded with God to please let me be a Mother. To please let my child live here on this Earth with me.

Now she does. She is a walking, talking, squealing, breathing answer to prayer. She is an example of God's mercy and God's absolute grace in the flesh. She is a miracle.

And I am not guaranteed one more day with her.


I am not trying to be morbid at all, In fact, quite the opposite. Because I want to know that if my time on Earth was through, that I lived it the best way possible. That I lived greatly, loved so hard it hurt, and made sure that those around me knew how much I loved them and how important they were to me.

Yesterday the little and I had a very lazy day at home. We played a lot, watched some tv, napped, and were generally extremely lazy. After her nap time, I set her up in the living room with a snack and an episode of Diego and then ran to try and finish up a few work emails. While I was typing she crept into the office and put her hand on my lap. I asked her if her show was over and she said "No Mommy. But I just want to sit with you".

So I did the only logical thing; I picked up my drink and I walked into the living room and sat with my girl while we watched Diego. The email wasn't finished, dinner wasn't started, and there were three loads of laundry waiting to be folded but I simply didn't care. In that moment, there was no where on this planet that I would have preferred to be.

Sometimes you just have to be with your loved one. I had to apologize to the hubs for the no dinner thing and I ended up having to finish emails quickly long after BG had (sort of) gone to bed, but it was worth it. It was so worth it.

savoring the little things: day 7

I'm catching up and will have Day 8 up tonight. It wouldn't be my 31 day challenge if I didn't get behind ;)

This weekend BG and I ran down to Savannah to see my best friend get married. It was a quick trip but chock full of love and lots of laughter. My soul needed that big time.

Right before leaving, I checked Facebook and saw where my friend Kelly had posted the news that sweet Julee's husband had passed away the night before. I have been reading Julee's blog for a while now and though I only "know" her through blogging/Twitter, my heart absolutely broke for her when I read that news.

None of us have a clue how long we have with the ones we love. It's a terrifying thought, but it's reality. Seeing something like this happen just makes it all the more obvious that every single second with someone is a gift. That every moment is one that you were lucky to have.

My phone died as I was getting on the road (fantastic I know) and BG quickly fell asleep. So it was just me and the open road. I did a lot of praying. For Julee and the rest of her family, for her sweet daughter, and for my own family and friends, some of whom are dealing with pretty rough times of their own.

I also did a lot of praising. Because my life is full of people that I adore and I am so thankful for the time I have with them.

Especially for these sweet days with my little girl and Mr. P. The two of them are my entire heart in human form and I can't even believe I'm lucky enough to get to do life with them.

Please pray for Julee and the rest of the Turner family. I know there will be lots of opportunities in the coming days to give in tangible ways to this sweet family so keep an eye out for ways you can help. There will be an online auction next week and you can check out these blogs for more info:Life in the Green House, Life Sweet Life, In Munchkinland, SheShe Made, and The Getts Times.

I've been in awe today at the way this community has come together to help out one of our own. People outside of the blogging/Twitter world just don't get it, but I have seen God all over this community today and it makes me so proud to be involved.

savoring the little things: day 6

Saturday was my sweet Grandma's birthday. It was a pretty rough day all around. I keep waiting for the day that I don't count as a "first" since she's been gone. I made it through my "first birthday without Grandma". Now her "first birthday since she's been gone". It's odd. And it hurts.

But this day also ties in perfectly with my 31 Days topic because it is the little things that I shared with her that make me miss her the most. The sticks of gum we always split. The wadded up Kleenex that was always in her pocket (that she would promptly pull out and stretch out to clean you up with). The way her rings jangled on her fingers. Her laugh. The way she never let me leave her house without cash in my pocket.

Being the only granddaughter, I was beyond spoiled. Nice clothes, shoes, and new books were drill weekend staples. An event coming up? we obviously needed to shop! And I appreciated every second of that. But I appreciated her just taking the time to go even more than what she bought.

It's a great reminder that in the end, material things really won't matter, but the time you spend with someone and how you made them feel will be all that is left. It will be what the memories are made of. It makes me focus on just "being" with BG. Making sure we laugh a lot and have inside jokes and that our time together is meaningful.

That our time together counts.

I miss my Grandma. I miss everything about her.

day 5: daddy's home!

Today was a better day. Thank goodness.

At 3 am last night, I prayed for peace about a few different things that have been plaguing me lately. It was all I could do after being kept up for hours while the devil played on my insecurities big time.

But enough. It's getting better.

And guess what?

Mr. P is home. For good. After being gone most of the past month. And I'm no longer single parenting. And hallelujah.

BG was beyond excited to see her Daddy and took off the minute she saw him. We are back to family of three status. We are back to simple nights hanging out with my two favorite people. My heart is happy.

savoring the small things: day 4

DAY 4
I've got to admit. I kind of wish this challenge wasn't going on right now.

Because I am in a MOOD. And it's hard to write about how you're soaking up the little things in life when you are barely surviving each day.

True story.

My head is a mess from the move. The stress, the changes, and BG's reaction to all of the above are wearing me down. And I can't even tell you all about it because it won't come out right, but just know that for me, I am tapped out.

BG and I made plans to head to the park for a play date this morning and I woke up not feeling it. In fact, I made all sorts of deals with myself that if such and such happened, we wouldn't go. Not because I didn't want to see the girls we were going to meet, but because my head is a mess right now. And I'm not a good version of myself. Plus I feel bloated (tmi?) and gross and just all out of sorts right now and I just wanted to wear yoga pants. Ugly truth is ugly.

But, none of those things happened and we went. We even had time to stop for Starbucks on the way (cake pop for breakfast FTW!) and we ended up having a blast. Which I knew we would. BG was uncharacteristically quiet but it's good for us to get out and about. We need a new normal.

We stopped by Ross on the way home to look for fall shoes for the little and found nothing. Oh wait, except for a $3 puppy toy that BG is in love with and has named "Amarito" (note: too much Dora Mom). He was worth the money (ha). He's the only thing making her smile right now.

The rest of the afternoon was spent holding on for dear life as we battled potty training regression, multiple changes in clothes, the dogs tearing up a few diapers all over the house, and the cat escaping out the back door with a naked toddler right behind him. I was in tears when I finally decided that it was time for park trip number two for the day. Oh and a run.

A run which was awful and put me back in tears halfway through when I realized I yet again, wasn't going to make my mileage. I'm hitting a wall y'all.

At the end of the run, I let BG run around the park for a bit because she had been so good and she promptly climbed to the top of the slide, looked at me, and peed. Y'all. I didn't deal with this much urine while house training three dogs. I just can't even.

So we packed it up to go home. Only we had no dry clothes because that outfit was her spare outfit so she rode home in her car seat naked. And I laughed. Because really? what else could I do. And then she laughed. And through her laughter she squeaked out "I had fun with you today Mommy".

And then I died from the cute.

She still had fun. Even though I lost my temper, even though I yelled (hangs head in shame), even though I cried in front of her twice, and even though I couldn't wait for the day to end, she still had fun. Because she was with me.

These have been a few rough days. But they will get better. We were just dealt a lot of change that truthfully, neither one of us have fully dealt with. So we're figuring things out. That makes us normal. We are still sidekicks. We are still best friends. We still adore one another. And we will make a new normal.

We'll just have to figure out a way for us both to have "fun" until we get there. But oh my gosh my heart was so full from those little words from my sweet, sweet little girl.

You can read about the other days in this challenge HERE.

savoring the small things: day 3

It's a bit crazy how this challenge is affecting my daily life. I find that I'm looking so hard for "small things" to enjoy that I'm actually focusing a bit more and paying a bit more attention.

It does not mean that I'm enjoying every single second though. This challenge isn't a miracle worker. It just means that I'm a bit more tuned in. Which I needed to be.

For the first time since we moved here, BG slept til her old time of nine am. And the angels sang a big 'ol Hallelujah chorus.

Or they didn't, but it was amazing. It was cloudy and overcast so the sun didn't wake her up at six like it has been doing since we moved here. So we slept late. Well, I actually got up but decided I was "wasting" a perfect sleep opportunity, so back to bed I went.

We could end this post here because that made my day, but alas we won't.

After we played around and accomplished nada for a few hours, I decided to pack us up and run some errands. We were getting a late start so I was worried we would hit nap time and all hell would break loose, but I was determined to get out. So we did.

And we ended up having a nice lunch together, just me and my girl. Which was great, but still, not the point of my post because she lost her patience halfway through lunch, I didn't get to eat, and somewhere along the way she peed all over herself though I still have no idea where that happened. But the proof was in the wet pants.

Then leaving, I saw this little gem. The Wooden Nickel. And I laughed. Hard. And then texted (I was still stopped!) the bff with the tag line "there's two of them?!".

In college, there was a bar library that we were at basically every single night. And this was the name. Although we called it the "wooden penny" because it made us laugh. There were so many good times had in that bar. I can still remember standing in life with the bff both of us freezing our arses off because we had to wear a halter top in February. In the summer, drinks were had on the patio. And the line for the bathroom was always RIDIC.

But it was a blast. And for the next few minutes, the best and I carried on a text convo full of laughter and inside jokes and my child sat in the backseat quiet as could be. It was fabulous. And just what I needed.

My happy tank got a refill. And then, because things were already looking up, "Call Me Maybe" came on the radio and the little and I had a karaoke party the rest of the way home.

Then she peed all over her carseat when we got home. And in her bed when she was supposed to be napping. Good thing my happy tank was refilled.

You can read my other 31 day posts here.

savoring the small things: day 2

Today was actually much easier than Day 1. We're still a bit "off" here, but we're making steps to beat that and this morning we made one huge step in the right direction.

When we found out we were moving here, my good friend Anne immediately told me that I had to meet her friend that lived here. Immediately I knew that had to happen as I trust Anne's judgement completely and knew she wouldn't steer me wrong in the "cool person" department.

We barely had a single box unpacked before Whitney and I were striking up email conversations and trying to figure out a time to meet up and let our little ones meet. So when Whitney suggested a park playdate this morning, we were so there.

Watching two sweet little ones navigate the playground, share a snack of Goldfish, hunt acorns, and chase birds all while chatting it up with someone that doesn't speak in three word sentences? Perfection. The company couldn't have been better either. Anne was right. I knew she would be.

A simple park date and amazing conversation with such an awesome person did my soul good. It's so hard to make friends at this age, but I'm pretty sure I made one today and I love it. Oh, and so did BG. She's been talking about her "new friend" all day. Though I'm not sure if she's talking about Whitney (who she fell hard for as she does) or sweet L. I'm guessing probably both.

Today was great. Bring it on Day 3.

savoring the little things: day 1

31 DaysIt's kind of funny that this whole 31 Days challenge started today. What's even funnier is that I picked to write about "savoring the little things" and then proceeded to do nothing but wish away the day as I was a stressed out mess of a person today.

It actually got to the point about four o' clock this afternoon that I was all "what the heck am I going to write about??" when I looked down at my dirty pajama (yes, pajama) pants and my screaming toddler hanging from my leg for the fortieth time today and could not think of one single thing I wanted to remember about this day.

So I decided to "make" a little thing. Ha. I decided that BG and I would ride down to Sonic and get a slushie (which she loves) and then we would come back to the house and I would take really cute pictures of us sitting on the front porch enjoying our slushes together. Well then life happened and I took the wrong turn in our new town and went around my butt to get to my elbow and while driving way out of the way, BG decided to turn her slushie over in her seat and bathe in it.

Yay. Little moments I live for.

Or not.

By the time we got home, I was even more of a frazzled mess than I was before we left. So stripped off BG's now sticky, wet clothes, put her patch on her, and set her down in front of the tv with some Dora so I could finish my (non spilled) slush in quiet.

Eventually the dogs started to whine to go outside, so I got up to let them out. Only it was pouring, so they wouldn't go (typical). But before I could shut the door, my toddler pushed through and was outside in the rain before I could stop her.

She was laughing and splashing and squealing "Look Mommy! It's raining from the sky!!" and the little pointer finger was just a going and before I could stop myself I did it; I laughed.

Truth be told, I should have brought her in. It was patch time, which can't get wet, she already has horrible respiratory problems, and she was in her skivvies, but I just couldn't do it. Because she was loving it. And for the first time all day, she was laughing and carrying on like I so love to see her do.

So I let her stay outside. Though I did insist on a rain coat.
I absolutely adore this kid. Crazy as she makes me (and it's pretty darn crazy), I wouldn't trade one single day with her. And watching the joy she gets in the small things, things like catching raindrops, well, you can't put a price on that. It's awesome.


And a huge, huge thank you to my girl AP for designing my button here. You know if all the "cool kids" are doing it, I want to too! Thanks lady!

31 days

There is a whole lot going on right now. Some good, some not so good. Unfortunately I tend to be getting a bit bogged down in the not so good which I am not a fan of. So let's stop that shall we.

When I opened my Reader this morning, I saw numerous posts linking back to the Nester and a 31 days link up. Curiosity quickly reeled me in and I rolled over to check things out. After flipping through the details, it came to me that this challenge could be as simple or as complicated as one makes it. And I decided to make it simple.

While there is so much going on right now and I feel at times that I'm drowning, life is still happening. My child is still hysterical, my husband is still coming up with off the wall sayings, and my friends are still a riot. The little things that I've always enjoyed are still there; I'm just covering them up a bit more than I used to. So my challenge? for the next 31 days is to just soak up the small things. To relish the sound of my child's laugh, or the smell of leaves when walking the dog. To enjoy a solitary run or a cheap thrill when landing a coveted item on big time clearance.

Each day I will be back, with my small item for that day. With the one thing that was able to make it all okay at least for a few minutes. It's time to savor the small joys. It's time to slow it down a bit.

I do hope you'll join me on this little blogging challenge. Go link up and check out the rest of the 31 Dayers.

After each post is written, I'll put the link here so they will all be in one place and easily accessible. Thanks for following along.

DAY 1
DAY 2
DAY 3
DAY 4
DAY 5
DAY 6
DAY 7
DAY 8
DAY 9
DAYS 10, 11, 12
DAY 13
DAY 14
DAY 15 & 16