overwhelmed.

My thoughts are all over the place this morning so please bear with me....

Lately I have been feeling so overwhelmed I can barely breathe. The stress at work is at an all time high, we've got misbehaving dogs, the Mr. had some possible job changes coming up, and in less than two months we're supposed to go through this baby process again.

I am freaking out.

Let me let you in on a little secret about me. I never relax. I never chill out. I'm super envious of people that can and do, but I don't. My morning starts off insane as I barely give myself 30 minutes to get out the door. Yea, so I love my sleep. I start my rushing around first thing in the morning and it doesn't stop til I come home. I'm constantly on the go at work and then when I get off at five I'm still going. I usually hit the gym or hit the pavement for a run, then come home and do the shred if I went running. If I go to the gym, I'm there for easily almost 2 hours. When I get home, I do my "chores". I constantly feel like I'm trying to combat 3 dogs messes, my mess, and the Mister's mess. I've made a chore list with different things to get done every day. Somewhere in there I have to eat dinner. If I do sit down to watch tv or something, I constantly think about what needs to be done and usually get up to do it. It's a sickness really!! I try to do some reading of blogs, catching up on emails at nite before I shower and get ready for bed and I fall into bed exhausted about 11 just to wake up at 6 the next morning. Gah.

Now I realize I'm fixing to *ahem get a little visitor so I'm prone to be more cranky right now, but at this very moment I feel like I'm about to lose it.

I'm not kidding. I almost killed my dog this morning. I almost killed the Mr. because he let Duke (the dog that was supposed to stay locked up last nite) out at some point. There was a mess again and I almost bawled cleaning it up. I feel like I'm doing so much to keep our little house clean and I'm not getting anywhere. It is really, really bothering me..

Then I opened my e-mail this morning. I signed up for the Proverbs 31 ministry emails a while ago and every now and then one touches me. Here's a snippet from this mornings:

"For the Son of Man came to seek and to save what was lost." Luke 19:10 (NIV)

I recall the first time my youngest son, Parker, water-skied. He was having a great time while he was being pulled along by the boat. When he fell and let go of the rope, the connection to the boat was broken. Panic gripped his face as he watched the boat leave him behind. Dangling in unknown waters filled Parker with a sense of uncertainty. Anxious thoughts plagued his mind as he wondered whether or not his lifejacket was trustworthy.

It was only when the boat turned around and headed back in his direction that peace took hold again. When we pulled Parker back into the boat, he said with relief, "I didn't think anyone saw me fall. I thought you were gone for good ." This is the kind of fright and worry we live with when we are not connected to God. We know that we can only tread water for so long on our own without the security of a boat.

The cross of Christ is our lifeboat that saves us from drowning in a sea of sin and selfishness. Christ's work on the cross has mended the partnership between God and us. However, some people don't realize that life is a partnership with God. Because sin separates us from God, the anxieties and burdens in life weigh heavy on our souls. Until we learn to trust Christ's provision, we'll never find peace. In fact, anyone living apart from God can expect to be plagued by phobias, fears, and anxieties. Until a person is reconciled to God, they are unpredictable and anxious creatures. Like Parker, their greatest need is a lifeboat.

Fearless living is achieved by making the choice to partner with God. Only then will our faith become stronger than all our fears. If you and I want to be rid of worry, we must first stop trusting in the things of this world. Instead, we must learn to put the weight of our burdens and cares on Christ who died for us.

Secondly, we need to refocus. Self-centeredness breeds anxiety. In truth, worry and stress are really symptoms of self-sufficiency and a lack of trust in God. When we take the focus off of ourselves and place it on God, it makes all the difference. Our troubles look small in comparison to our great God.

Finally, we must commit ourselves wholly to God. The Bible says "all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God" (Romans 3:23, NIV). That means that you and I have missed the mark. We can't get to God any other way except through His Son, Jesus. Whoever wants Christ, and believes He is the Son of God, has been given the full benefit of being God's child.

The truly happy person is the one who has placed her trust in Christ alone for salvation. She has discovered that Christ's saving grace is the solution to sin, egotism, waywardness, and fears. You can see a profound difference in the person who chooses Christ as her lifeboat. Anxiety dissolves away and peace rules the heart and mind.

Uh thanks. Could this have been more directed at me?!

I've been slacking on my quiet times, I've been slacking on my prayers, and I missed church last week when we were in Charleston. I don't think it's a coincidence that I feel this overwhelmed and this alone when I've been spending no time with my Father. All this stuff down here truly does not matter. The dust can wait, the e-mails can wait, even the blogs can wait (gasp!), but what can't is my time with my God and my time with my husband. I feel disconnected from Mr. P as well when I let my mind on these dangerous bouts of anger and resentment that I'm feeling right now. When I'm running around like a chicken with my head cut off, my relationship with him suffers.

So I need to re-evaluate some stuff. I need to spend a bit more time with my very important relationships. Now don't worry, I'm not going anywhere. My blog has become my sanity and my way to get my feelings out, so I'm afraid you're stuck with me. But I've got to re-organize my priorities and get my heart back where it needs to be. The ways of the world are doing their best to drown me and it's time to fight back. I've got to work on not bringing home my stress from work and directing it at the ones at home and to let the stress at home be shared with Mr. Perfect because I can't do it all alone....

But seriously. My dog might need some prayers until I can get calmed down!!

i'm playing detective

I'd like to have something interesting to talk about but right now I'm obsessed with other things.

Well, one other thing.

The past 4 mornings, the Mr. and I have woken up to find a big puddle 'o pee at the back door. Fortunately we have hard wood or I'd have tanned a dog hide by now. We can't figure out who's doing it and it's making me crazy.

Naturally the Mr. blamed Cash, our oh so special pup. I disagreed because Cash puts up a huge stink when he needs to go out and I truly think he would wake us.

This past weekend when Ash was here, she brought her female pup down. So maybe she peed there and now the boys are peeing over it. That's option one. But we've sprayed so many cleaning supplies down there that I'm not buying that one. Option two is someone's pissed off about something. I truly don't think my two male dogs have it in them to be spiteful.*

*We've ruled out Lacy because of the smell of the urine..*

Option three is something's wrong with someone and is compromising his ability to hold it. That better be the case because only if something is medically wrong will I forgive them!!

We locked up Cash in his kennel last nite to try and catch our culprit.

There was urine on the floor this morning.

I'm convinced it's Duke. The Mr. is still saying it's Lacy. Or that Lacy is letting Cash out at nite so he can still do it.

Insane.

But he totally rigged up a hidden camera tonite to catch our culprit. Oh, and Duke gets locked up tonite. We WILL get to the bottom of this!!!

I can't believe I just spent a whole post talking about my dogs' bathroom habits. Oh boy.

Lola's "Two Old"

This past weekend was my goddaughter Lola's 2nd birthday party up in Charleston. It was of course hot, but oh so much fun.

Til I noticed the tan lines on Sunday nite. Boo.

Mr. Perfect and I were supposed to be up there by 6:30 for dinner at 7 on Saturday nite. Saturday was her actual birthday so her mom, Jay, had planned a dinner for us, the kids (Mase and Lola), her, and her older sister. We knew we had to leave the house by 4 at the latest to get there on time.

I was still sitting around the house in a towel at four. I do not do well with a time frame.

The Mister of course put a fire under my butt to get me packing and I packed in record time. No idea what was in my bag but.. hey, I packed.

We got there at 6:45. Thank you Mr. Perfect for interpreting all speed zones as merely "suggestions" for how to drive. Thank you inventor of the seat belt for my peace of mind.

We had dinner at Jay's place of work in Charleston and it was super delicious. And we didn't even have reservations that we were late for. Jay lied about reservations to get me to town on time. Sometimes it helps to have a best friend that's known you since you were twelve.

Mr. P and Mason outside the restaurant.



We got to meet Jay's boyfriend at dinner. He's the manager of the restaurant; aka- her boss. Way to go Jay... His name is also Jamie. Boy Jamie and Girl Jamie. Kind of confusing. He's super nice and is so good with the kids, so he gets my vote. According to Jay he was really nervous about meeting "the BFF", but he passed with flying colors. Even the Mr. liked him, and he's way a tougher critic than I am.

Dinner was delicious. It was a pizza place with tons of different pizzas so the Mr., Jay, her sister Mandie, and I split four different kinds. Very pleasing. I was glad I wore my maxi dress to hide my bulging stomach!!

Nice face Lola...



We saved most of her presents for her big party on Sunday, but we did let her open a few....






Lip gloss. Just what every girl needs!!



We had ohsotasty cupcakes from Coldstone in lieu of cake. Just as messy though.



Jay & I at dinner



After dinner, Mr. Perfect and I drove Jay, Mandie, and the kids back to their house. I've already told the story of how that one 20 minute car ride may have forever killed my desire for children. Days later, I'm willing to put the option back on the table. But we will hide the GPS from said kids. I really did need a few minutes of peace after being in the car, so the Mr. and I drove to Target (which was closed) and then on to Wal-Mart. I would like to pretend we only went to refill my sanity, but that would be a lie. Remember how I told you I had to have a "fire lit under me" to pack? Well I didn't really do a great job. I didn't even pack underwear. Or a tank to go under my dress. Or my dress. Or pajamas.

Pretty much I packed a big 'ol duffel with toiletries. And only five of those.

So we headed to Wal-Mart so I could pack for the trip. By the time we got back to the house, everyone was already in bed. Score for some quiet time!!

Good thing I enjoyed it because Lola was up and at 'em at 5:30 in the morning. I didn't even realize there was a 5:30 am! I thought it just came around at nite!

Oh Lola.. I do love you.

Mandie, Boy Jamie, Jay, Mason, and I set to work early in the morning on decorating cookies for the party. We sent Mr. Perfect off on a quest to find helium for our balloons. He didn't disappoint! He brought a tank back to us!



Lola getting ready for her party..



Mr. Perfect, Jay, and I headed over to the park pretty early to set up for the party. It was barely noon and was hotter than blue blazes. Good thing I do love the South!!





The party was a complete success. The kids had a great time and even though it was really hot, there was a nice breeze that kept it bearable. Lola was a doll. Every time someone would ask her how old she was she'd say "two old" while holding her two fingers up. It was precious! She managed to stay awake and stay decently happy through the whole thing too. Surprising given her five thirty wake up and lack of a nap all day!

Jay & I at the party



The Mr. and I



Oh my heart... My Mr. P and our friend E's daughter.



The kids making goody bags with Mandie



Opening gifts...


Singing "Happy Birthday". Seriously, how cute is she?!?



Digging in!



Mase and I leaving the party. We were pretty spent at this point.




The Mister decided it was only fair to get Mase something since Lola would get so much so he picked up a small toy for him. I think he just wanted to buy "boy toys"! He will be such an amazing Dad!!



My baby girl and I






We really had a great time. The Mr. is AWESOME with kids so I'm way happy about that! He thinks it's funny that I've never really babysat or anything so my experience with them is so limited. That's okay. I'm more than happy to let him be in charge in this department!! And seeing him with Mase and Lola really does make my ovaries ache. I think I agree with you ladies.. when it's my kids it will be so different and so much better!!

Kudos to you if you made it to the end of this post... Impressive!

Weekend Wrap-Up

When you can't drag your behind out of bed on Monday even after turning off the alarm 3 times and having the husband call you from work... You know you had a good weekend.

When you realize you have no idea where your car keys are and you have to call your husband at work to come bring you the spare... You know you had a LONG weekend.

Oh Monday. How I loathe you.

I had an excellent weekend. The bff from college and her current roommate came down on Thursday nite. Of course they got here ridiculously late and woke up my 3 monsters but.. I forgive easy.

On Friday, I was stuck doing the 9-5 thing (blah), but Ash & L went driving around downtown looking for jobs. Ash is planning on possibly (the heat may have flushed this idea!) moving down to Coastal Town, GA in the near future, so she was looking for jobs doing hair in the area. They drove around most of the day on Friday and from what she told me, she actually has a couple of solid leads.

Of course I came home to major complaints about the traffic in this town. Duh. It's a tourist's hey day in the summer. Driving Downtown is about as fun as having a cavity filled sans novacaine.

Friday nite we headed out with some of my friends here in town for my friend Turstal's birthday. We headed to one of the local bars out in the Hill (a nearby town) for some drinks. Somehow I forgot my camera so I had to "borrow" these from Ash's comp.

Ash, L, & I @ Augie's



I decided to be the DD of the nite and Ash & L took every advantage of that! Jerks. Oh drunk girls.. how fun you are... We didn't stay too long at Augies. Ash & L hadn't eaten, so the 3 of us headed to La Nop for some oh so tasty Mexican.

And some tequilla for those two. And by some I mean buckets.

My friend Lee came out and hung out with us for a bit. I haven't seen her in a coon's age!

Lee and I



Ash & I trying to teach L not to have an "awkward smile". These were our nominees for how she should smile. Super attractive huh?



They had a mariachi band playing that quickly decided we were by far the coolest people in the restaurant, so they came over and gave us a bit of a free concert. Don't worry.. Ash & L gave them free dance lessons!



I ended up with a sombrero... They ended up with free tequila shots.



Right before I dragged them out of there and took them back to meet up with Turstal. We totally closed the restaurant down. And yes.. that would be our waitress now hanging out with us.




I finally got Ash & L home about 2 in the morning. This was after we headed downtown and hit up Smiles and 309 (I am so ashamed we went in there!) because Ash decided she needed to shake her "bad girl parts". I think that means butt. Oh I hope!!

I didn't get to spend a lot of time with Turs because our 2 groups just weren't meshing well so I'm taking her to lunch tomorrow just me and her. No crazy shenanigans that way!

On Saturday the girls slept LATE (shocker) so I headed to lunch with my grandparents and aunt for her birthday. Then when I got home they were finally up; barely coherent, but up. I let Ash cut my hair for the second time ever and lived to tell about it. Funny story: back in college I let Ash cut my hair our freshman year. It was actually her first cut ever. Now I'm not picky at all, so I just wanted a straight across trim. I got that. Of course when she pulled the scissors away, my shirt flopped down. She had cut it straight across the back! She just figured I had really thick hair!! I've never let her live that down and I've never let her cut my hair since. But she did on Saturday and I lurve it! After the big cut of 2doubleoh9, us ladies rocked out with some serious Guitar Hero til the Mr. came home. He and I left for Charleston late that afternoon and I have no idea what the girls got into. My house is still standing and the pups are still breathing. That was all I asked for!

We spent the rest of the weekend in Charleston for my goddaughter's 2nd birthday. I'm still going through the pictures from that so I'll save that post for tomorrow. Hope you all survived your Mondays!!

is it too late to change my mind?!

I would love to do a weekend wrap-up. However, I am exhausted.

I just got back from Charleston where we spent the weekend with my best friend and her kids; 5 year old Mason and my 2 year old goddaughter, Lola.

I might have changed my mind on having kids. Not even kidding.

We rode home from dinner with the kids in our car. Mase decided to play with the GPS and made it repeat "you have reached your destination" over and over and over. The entire 2o minute car ride. When he wasn't playing with that, he was turning the ac on full blast and blaring the radio.

The whole time Lola was in the backseat screaming his name.

My ears were bleeding.

The hubs and I dropped them off at their house and headed to WalMart on my insistence for a few minutes of peace. The minute they got out of the car Mr. Perfect turns to me and cracks up laughing.

"What's so funny?" I snapped.

"You. Your nerves are shot!"

"Are you telling me they weren't making you crazy?!"

"Nope. They're just kids hon".

Oh goodness..... I needed a xanax. I almost quit breathing for some silence.

The Mr. told me when we have kids, I can kiss my peace good bye.

Not true I say. When they're being loud the patient parent can step on in.