Friday, October 14, 2011

in the still of the night...

Last night the little one couldn't sleep. She went to bed fine, but kept waking up screaming. When Mr. P and I turned in around ten (we are old), she freaked out. He spent some time in there with her trying to get her to chill, but it wasn't happening. After attempting to lay her down a few times, he tagged out and I was up.

The minute I picked her up, she clung to me like a spider monkey. You know, where they dig their fingers and toes into you and sprawl across you. Yea, no getting that off.

We trekked into the playroom to rock for a bit. I sat down and she laid her head on my shoulder and we just rocked and rocked.

We haven't done that in months.

I'm thankful that I have an amazing sleeper. I am, but... (ohgraciousicantbelieveimfixingtotypethis) a very small part of me feels robbed that we haven't had a middle of the night rocking fest since, oh, she was about six weeks old. There have been the occasional middle of the night wake ups, but they are so very rare. Sad.

So last night, we rocked.

Well, she slept on my shoulder (sigh) and I rocked.

As I sat there in the peace and quiet of the middle of the night, everything seemed so small and so trivial. Problems are minute when there's no one awake to harp on them. Sickness is quiet for a second. There are no bills to pay. No groceries to buy. And when the whiny toddler is asleep, there is no whiny toddler.

I get so caught up in everything going on so much of the time. I worry constantly. I stress like a pro (seriously, four pounds in a week loss kind of stress). Then I stress that my clothes don't fit and it's just not in the budget to buy more at the moment. See, I stress just to stress (are you stressed yet?). But.......

No stressing last night. Just a quiet moment to rock with my baby. To stop and smell her hair (don't knock it til you try it). To listen to her breathe. To thank God that she is here and she is mine.

Man.. I freaking heart my life.

I tried to lay her down once she fell asleep and she started banchee screaming again. So I brought her to bed with me. Yep. As I sat there and made sure she went back to sleep, I felt it again; my heart bursting with so much love.

Now lest you think I'm getting soft, I didn't sleep a wink so I'm a peach today, but last night? is burned into my memory. I needed that. I needed that quiet night.

Of course I don't need two in a row so please pray my child sleeps tonight.


Tiff said...

Sweet post!

I'm with you..Sometimes I just watch T sleep and thank God for the amazing opportunity to be his mommy! :)

Lindsay said...

So sweet. This made me want to go pick up H and hold him while he sleeps. Precious post!

Karen said...

Loved your post. I also tend to stress/worry over everything...and I mean everything. But the moments at night when I rock our baby girl I feel so at peace. So happy you got such a wonderful night with your sweet girl.

Unknown said...

Love, love, LOVE this post! Those precious moments make being a mommy sooo worth it. We still wake up Little M sometimes at night just so we can snuggle her a bit more!

Tereza Crump said...

Why the hurry to have her sleep in her own bed? My youngest is 18 months old. Once she falls asleep I put her in her own bed in another room with her 3 siblings. Although she has company, some nights she wakes up and rattles the gate and calls out "Mom!" I get up and bring her to my bed with me. Like you, I enjoy every minute of it. There will be a day when she won't call anymore and she will sleep through the night. I know because every one of my older children went through that. The big difference is that with the first one I was very impatient and in a hurry for her to be in her own bed so I could sleep undisturbed. I truly regret that. With the second I learned to co-sleep and decided to let him cue me on when he was ready to move to his own bed. With my 3rd baby we also co-slept. Now she is 4 y.o. her Daddy lays down with her every night and she falls asleep really fast. :) Sometimes she comes over to our bed in the middle of the night, and I welcome her. They grow so fast. They need the safety of having their parents around. What is safer than Mom and Dad's bed? Let the stress go and hold on to the precious little girl the Lord gave you. Don't worry, trust Him and love your baby. :)



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